Hello all, I was just curious as to when other late in lifers start dipping their toes in the dating pool. Obviously this isn't applicable to those late in lifers who figured out they were gay/lesbian/bi due to falling in love and dating the same sex. This applies to those who just somehow came to the realization that they weren't straight later in life, then had to deal with that internally, and at some point start dating the same sex. For those of you in this latter category, how long after you realized your sexual orientation did you start dating? I know it's different for everyone, but I'm just curious. Also, what was that first foray in same-sex dating like? Good/bad etc. I've only come to realize I'm a lesbian 3 months ago. I'm seeing an LGBT therapist who says I should start dating as soon as I feel comfortable and there's no time too early or late. I feel kind of ready, but I think I'm just scared/anxious. I feel like a naive 16 year old again with respect to dating even though I don't think it will be all that different (or maybe it will be and I'm truly naive about it now). I'd love to hear your stories. Thanks guys. ♥ ---------- Post added 15th May 2017 at 01:15 AM ---------- Oh and on a side note, I came out to 1 person today...an old friend, who was quite frankly, not too surprised! LOL! That was a huge load off my shoulders, even if it's just one person. It's like I "exist" now. So sad to think of it in this manner?!
I'm curious to see what responses you get. I've been wondering about this a lot too. And us late-in-lifers are more likely to have "baggage". For me it's my family situation and my weight. I honestly can't see anyone being attracted to me, and it makes me sad. I'm trying out an online service, just for friendship: right now I would just love to have some LGBT friends. I keep meaning to go to a bar but I've just never been attracted to the bar scene, and I know it's going to be largely college students/other young adults.
Kunoichi - have you considered joining an lgbt special interest group - such as the gym, walking, supper club or choir? That way you may find other ways that you prefer to socialise other than bars, which aren't everyone's scene!
I started my process of coming out 3 years ago, messy divorce and working on me for the first couple, and I asked a guy out last week, he turned me down saying he had to work but hey I tried.
Yeah, I signed up for a book club meetup. That was fun, but it's only once a month. There is a big lesbian choir in our town but I don't feel comfortable going to that until I'm more "out". My family is very active in the choir music stuff around town and it wouldn't shock me at all to run into someone who has a friend/relative in choir with my husband and sons. I'm curious to see if any of these online things will work for making a friend, too. I'm not the bravest person socially I know. I'm introverted and I get nervous at first around someone. Not the greatest romantic combo, you know? :dry:
Hey I know it's tough but a lot of people get nervous when they first meet others. Am sure it won't hinder you finding what you are looking for.
A woman whom I met who was married to a man for many years, but has now been out a long time recommended a social/dating website to me. Does anyone know the protocol on this? I have a feeling that I'm not allowed to recommend anything. She described this website as a "gentle" way of connecting with other women, for either friendships or dates. However, the thought of all that terrifies me.
Rana... I always used to be reserved at what I would say... but life is too short. Get out there and dip that toe as I know I really need to dip mine lol - LIFE IS TOO SHORT - I have joined a couple of dating sites but haven't completed the membership. I haven't added a photo or paid anything. I can look around the site and view profiles but I am not allowed to interact with anyone. I don't feel comfortable on them. I know everyday I am changing with the way I think and feel and don't think I will rule them out as I do want to meet someone... after many years of deciding I would never want another relationship as mine have never given me that 'I want to be with you for ever feeling' because it had been men I was looking for a connection with and that was the reason it never worked out. Now I realise I was barking up the wrong tree this realisation has me needing more, wanting more. I have gone to lots of meetups and have more planned. This is a worldwide group and although I have gone along in the hope of just making new friends I am also hoping that I may connect with someone. I prefer to meet people rather than look at pictures on a page. But I do go back to those sites and look so something has me interested? Peterpangirl. Ask admin is you can post the site names. We all have names on here totally different to us, all anonymous so it's not like we are trying to communicate outside EC. I would be interested in the sites you know and would glady share the names of the 2 I know. One of the ones I joined has been advertised on TV and radio. There is a section at the beginning where you put your choice of male or female. Just before I came out to my boys their dad was visiting. He asked one of my sons to help him on his laptop. He isn't very IT minded. It was filling out an online profile for a dating site. It was the one I had joined (not completed). I froze! Even though hadn't completed, I was on there. I ended up helping and had to pretend I had no idea how to navigate around it. That still makes me chuckle x ---------- Post added 16th May 2017 at 07:05 AM ---------- (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)Rana - congratulations, you shared. You came out to someone. Doesn't it feel great. I think once you do that you finally accept these feelings and can begin to move on. So pleased for you x
I started dating almost immediately after I separated from my ex husband; I think a week later. Prior to that we'd been considering an open marriage though and I was looking at online profile for a few months.
I also started dating pretty soon after splitting from my ex. Online dating really isn't my favorite thing, as it just doesn't feel very organic to me. I'd rather meet people naturally. But these days, online dating just seems to be the way people meet. So it is totally worth putting yourself out there via online avenues and keeping yourself open to whatever is possible.
Like others here, I started dating just after separating from my wife. And I use the term "dating" rather loosely because some of my experiences were just hookups, but after suppressing myself for decades, I was ready to jump into the gay pool. I am now dating a guy, and we've been exclusive for about a month. You asked, "What was that first foray into same-sex dating like?" Answer: Scary, intimidating, humbling, educational, and fantastic. Even though I had some same-sex experience before my marriage to my wife, it still helped me to have confirmation that my homosexuality was real. It wasn't just porn-induced fantasy like I feared it might be. Of course I knew the truth, but there was that 1% of me that worried I had upended my life over a fantasy. That worry turned out to be unfounded. Take care. ride:
Excuse my english as it is not my first language.... I am having the same issues as you, I just came out to my self, and 2 other people about 10 days ago or so....I want to get involve into the lesbian world and meet people and possibly a girlfriend...but I'm not sure I'm ready yet, I feel like I need to just try to learn who I really am first, and then just go from there....I see dating as something scary, since I have never been the one to start a conversation with someone or ask them out (boys use to do that with me), so I just feel like I'm very experience in the field and that scares me a lot..... I just know that both of us, will, in the future be able to get involve in the LGBT world and will be more comfortable with ourselves and with others. It takes time and effort.
Since my last entry on your thread I have dipped my toe. In fact I have not stopped dipping for a week. I went to some Meetup groups. Not really with the intention of dipping, but for making friends. I did think that if something happened it would be welcomed. Someone sat down next to me, they had a similar experience to the one I had and we connected. Well this sounds shameless but we have been in each other pockets??? for the last week. I feel great, she feels great. It has given me so much confidence just 'being' with her I can not explain. Rana why wait. You know what you want, they are just ladies like yourself looking for something. If I had not gone to this meetup on Friday, and I nearly didn't. I would not have met her! I can not recommend enough going to the groups and meetups xxx
Hi Jackie, I know, I keep telling myself "why wait." There's some sort of fear that on top of everything I'm going through while coming out to myself (it has been 3 and a half months), that I'm going to get my heart broken and have to deal with that too! Pathetic, I know. I'm not sure if it's good to think this way, but I think the reason I'm hesitating is because in some way I feel like I need to be "done with" coming out to myself and maybe to some other people and then deal with the dating world. I don't know why I feel like I need to compartmentalize my life this way...I don't know if it's just a waste of time or what. Probably just an excuse to justify my fear/intimidation of dipping my toes in the dating pool of uncertainty. Perhaps it won't be that different from dating the opposite sex, I don't know. I'm a coward I think.
I started looking at dating sites a few months after, although without that much intention. I did set up profiles pretty quickly. Wasn't exactly what I was looking for. Had a hookup at a bar with someone who recognized me from one of the sites. Went to the bars a couple a times a week just to get more comfortable with the idea and to be around other gay people. Met the guy that I've been with for 2 years at a meetup group, only the 2nd one I'd been to, about 9 months after.
well since my last, a friend set me up with a friend of hers and he stood me up. i didnt mention before but she set us up a couple months before and he did the same. so now if he wants a date he comes to me lol. so im 3 for 3. but i did it.
I'm following this thread with interest. I came out to myself about 4 months ago, have gradually let family and close friends know, asked for a divorce 4 weeks ago, and am now separated. I've become much more social in just the last month and have been talking to people more. I find I am open and looking forward to my first experience with a woman, but I'm hoping it comes about kind of organically like meeting someone in the neighborhood rather than specifically seeking out a date through an app or a bar or even a meet-up. I live in a very gay-friendly city and neighborhood. And I think I give off enough of a vibe that people would at least consider there's a strong possibility I might be a lesbian.
I've joined 1 website but ended up deleting my profile, I didn't have any pictures up or anything. 1 problem is that the area I live in doesn't actually have the best reputation for being open minded about LGBT issues. There doesn't seem to be a lot of lesbians out there. Yes there are a few, but once I subtract the young ones, and the ones that I believe are looking for a threesome (nothing wrong with that - just not what I am looking for), there just isn't a whole lot out there. That's not even considering that maybe no one would even "swipe" left on me either. I have this fear that I am running out of time. Honestly, I don't even care if I ever end up in one of those fairy tale relationships. I would just like to go on a date now and then. Sometimes I think that I can make a decent life out of what I have now and just swallow the realization that I will never date a woman. I'm sure people have done it before. But it makes me incredibly sad.
RJay, I can completely relate to wanting to meet someone organically rather than through a dating app. I'm not saying it's bad to use those things...that's the way the world is going and if all else fails, I'm glad it's there. But between you and me, I feel so depressed thinking about dating via online/apps. It feels like going to the grocery store for people! I've never done it and I guess I've been lucky to meet people organically up to now. I'm afraid that wanting to meet lesbians is going to be more difficult because obviously we're now focusing on a much smaller segment of the population so it will be harder to meet organically (I'm trying to get my head around this fact now). However, I'm comforted at the thought of going to lgbt/lesbian meetups and other events that would put one in a more "normal" setting of meeting people (my generation is used to computers by now but we didn't grow up with computers, so I don't find online dating a "normal" i.e. "ordinary" way to meet people...it still feels bizarre to me..and very unromantic I might add). I read an interesting article a few months ago written by a guy who wrote about his online dating experience (that he specifically undertook as research for the article). Anyway, he listed some interesting tidbits like the fact that people do indeed meet more people and have more dates using these online apps, but the percentage of actual long term relationships that come from them are surprisingly low...showing that they're more often used for "hookups" than finding true love. Conversely, he wrote that the highest percentage of love/serious relationships were accomplished by meeting people the old fashioned way...i.e. "organically" as you said. So, there's that. Either way, I guess we're all in the same boat. It's a matter of patience and perseverance...and a little courage (that I don't have yet). ♥♥♥ ---------- Post added 3rd Jun 2017 at 06:50 PM ---------- Hi 0617, I wanted to say a word about the issue of feeling like you're running out of time. I think all of us feel this now and then, but it's really futile when you think about it. I definitely tortured myself with these thoughts until I shifted my perception on the matter. I asked myself how I'd feel if I had a crystal ball to show me the future, and let's say it showed that I wouldn't find "the one" until a decade from now. Would I feel sad? It would be a bummer to wait that long but ultimately, I decided that no, I wouldn't be sad. I'd be excited that I would actually find "the one" even if not until a decade from now. What I'm saying is, there's no right time for finding love. You find it when you do. The thought of one day of happiness to me seems worth lots of other days of searching for it. It's never too late to find happiness, love, contentment, etc. We're all on that journey, and you'll get to your destination sooner or later, I promise. Just don't lose hope and keep putting yourself out there. I wish the best for you. ♥♥♥
