So my girlfriend and I were out last night at a casual restaurant/pub kind of place, and as we usually do, we were being affectionate with each other. Just casual kisses (tasteful public kisses, of course), arms around each other, leaning on eachother's shoulders. Someone in the place was obviously not comfortable with our affection and shouted at us loudly several times to knock it off, which we didn't, of course. At first I thought he was joking, but it became apparent form his comments that he was specifically uncomfortable with 2 women kissing in public. Anyway, other than a bit of annoyance, it didn't impact us much, but he said something that confirmed my understanding of homophobia.... he said "I'm getting jealous over here come on" and made some gestures that I understood as commenting on his own sexual urges, but who knows. It brought me back to an earlier conversation with my boss, when I disclosed I'm gay, how visibly physical uncomfortable it made him, and the photo of me with my girlfriend (on my desk), looking like any straight couple might look in a desk photo, how uncomfortable that made him as well. I thought perhaps I was being presumptuous when I thought, based on the types of comments my boss made, that he was literally imagining me having sex with my girlfriend (my boss is very close to open about his homophobia and completely open about his transphobia, shocked me, because I'm working in an office that seems fairly open minded). This guy basically confirmed for me what I've always assumed about homophobia, that their little brains go into these sexual thoughts and they start squirming around because they don't know what to do with all of these thoughts. It's not a mind blowing observation, just an interesting confirmation of something I've always just assumed without such direct evidence.
Unfortunately, we do not live in a 100 percent accepting world. While PDA is wonderful, and it's great you have the confidence of doing so, you still need to use discretion for your own safety. It's no different than walking down a street at night and seeing a dark lit alley, would you walk down the alley? Burglary by knife is illegal, it's unaccepted, but it still happens. So if your showing PDA, and someone is throwing shade at you, maybe consider stopping. Your not wrong for wanting to continuing, but you might be putting yourself at unnecessary risk. Is it worth the risk? I see, even when I am in both LGBT friendly South Florida and London, far too many instances where such situations do get physical and somone gets hurt. Now, if your trying to be political, prove a point, and are not concerned that such a situation can escalate, then continue on.....
I should have have said at some point - this situation felt relatively safe. I would much rather use caution than make a political statement, mainly because I have daughter and I'd rather get home to her. There is some element of risk when someone is drinking and acting erratically, but it wasn't on a dark street, it was a well-lit bar and not full of people. Mostly my instincts told me we were safe. To be honest, it shook me up a little that our subtle affection angered him so much. I dreamt about a darker version of the events; but I know we're lucky; we live in a relatively safe, mostly progressive city. We don't have the fears some people might have on a daily basis being visibly LGBT in public.
It occurs to me that the type of man who harrasses a woman like he did might very well do the same even if he knew nothing of her LGBT status, because a man who behaves this way is a misogynist.
sorry you had to deal with this hun. this is why so many in the community, here and most everywhere, I personally love PDA but it can be dangerous for some and decidedly uncomfortable for some having to deal with the reactions from 'phobes.
It is a sham that we have to live in a social world where certain PDA is acceptable and some are not, but we do. Personal i would have told him were he could go, and how to get there lol. In some of my past experience with this type, I found that they maybe doing it cuz they are uncomfortable with their own sexuality.
And unfortunately some people love to hate. That is a sad fact. That man is a loser. His comments are pathetic. There is also truth in Ronintroy's comment that some people who are uncomfortable with their own sexuality may find it difficult to accept gay people. But there is no excuse for behaving this way.
