Hello, It has been a while since I have posted and wanted to share some thoughts regarding my struggle as I am sure there are many kind souls here who can relate. After struggling for over 3 years to keep my marriage alive I moved out in January of 2016. The emotions were overwhelming as was the anxiety and depression. But, I tried to move forward and met a great guy about a year ago. He has been wonderful and very understanding of my situation. In addition to the transition and pain surrounding that my drinking became my main source of comfort. So, last October after getting to a point where I began to worry I entered rehab as I was emotionally at my limit and the drinking was becoming out of control. Fast forward to January, after a 2 month stay I exited rehab and am now over 6 months sober. Somehow I have been able to keep my job, rebuild my relationship with my daughters, and continue my relationship with Michael. However, I have struggled lately and believe this is due to the fact my wife and I are working through and official separation. This requires all that a divorce does, and has proven to be very difficult emotionally. Moving out, coming out, then getting sober has been humbling to say the least. I think the latter has humbled me more than anything else. Now, when bothered or feeling down I don't have my usual escape in the evenings. Too, when traveling down the AA path you begin to see where you dishonest with yourself and others. This is painful as I feel that I worked very hard at creating a good life for me and my family only to see it crumble. I am working on accepting that I made a mistake that he caused my wife and kids a lot of pain. For a long time I have felt like a victim, but now I know I can't stay in that place much longer. My struggles seem to be extreme grief and sort of a more pronounced depression that causes me to look at life as a struggle that must be endured. That outlook sucks the joy from life, but I can't seem to shake the feelings at times. Too, I feel very lonely and isolated as all my friends and co-workers are still married and seemingly happy. Now, I am trying to afford two residences, pondering a new job, being gay, and remaining sober. Question to those who were once in a hetero marriage - did you experience massive heartbreak and grief that lasted longer than you thought it should? Did you struggle with life? Were you confused and afraid? Also, these feelings effect my current relationship, which I feel is unfair to him. But, I try to do my best. Thanks everyone!
I was married for 9 years and went through a very protracted divorce that involved multiple attempts by my wife to alienate my daughter from me, move out the state, etc. It wasn't all over until my daughter graduated from high school! I have never been officially out to my ex or my daughter for that matter (another story) so I didn't really have that to deal with although my ex would make sarcastic remarks about my sexuality now and then. But yes I think it's very normal to be having the regrets, grief, and struggles you are going through because what you're going through is heart-wrenching and life-changing even if you're out and proud. You might benefit from having someone to talk to like a therapist. There is a great deal of value in just having someone to hear you out without any agenda of their own and they can help you see the other side of all of this. Good luck! Tom
I did go through depression and anxiety, but that was in the period leading up to my coming out. It was coming out that finally gave me inner peace. I'm fortunate that I never turned to alcohol to bury my problems. I'm sorry you've had to work through all of these issues plus alcoholism. I congratulate you for getting sober. I agree with justaguyinsf about seeing a therapist if you aren't already doing so. It sounds like you could benefit from that. Take care. ride:
