I'm really not sure whether anyone will be able to relate to this. I'm not sure it'll make much sense either, but anyway... Does anyone else struggle to visualize same-sex relationships without having a distinctly masculine and a distinctly feminine partner? By this I mean, before having been in a same-sex relationship. In reality I don't believe a relationship needs this, but I struggle to not see it. Is this because I'm used to seeing relationships this way? I don't really know if I see myself as more feminine or masculine either. I go backwards and forwards, but I'm not really sure how to articulate it. It's confusing.
Actually, no. That's one of the very few things I'm not struggling so much with. I just can't picture myself in an intimate relationship of any kind to be honest. I see the potential for liberation in same sex relationships, with more gender fluid behaviour. That is appealing in what is otherwise a scary and daunting scenario for me. I feel intimidated by women in some ways and not so by men. And, though I am quite feminine of appearance I think there lurks both a girl and tomboy within!
I don't. I guess I would read as androgynous or somewhat butch and I would prefer to be with a butch woman. A very girly woman who I used to work with couldn't understand my attraction to butch women. I guess she still believed in the stereotype of a female couple being solely butch and femme. Or she was trying to project heterosexual genders onto it. I believe that couples are made of partnerships. I don't think that femininity and masculinity come into it. I see it more as complimentary traits, characteristics, interests etc
about that thing of seeing yourself feminine & masculine, i sorta struggle with that too. i dress very feminine (with a dash of masculinity) & i have a masculine attitude, sometimes i worry that really confuses people. but, you do you.
I don't. I have always been a little tomboyish but I have long hair, paint my nails and I feel naked without mascara. I am more attracted to feminine women kind of like me. I think that relationship dichotomy may be more of what's expected than what's realistic. I've heard the comments made when there's a gay couple nearby "which ones the man and which ones the woman." That always made my blood boil that people would make such assumptions. Our society likes things labeled in nice little boxes. Cam put it quite nicely, couples are made up of partnerships.
I wasn't saying that this isn't the case. I'm not saying that masculinity and femininity should come into it. It's more that when I imagine a relationship with another woman, it does come into how I structure it and envision it. I'm just wondering why, I guess. I don't know.
Did you grow up in a very traditional household? Father going off to work, mother staying home to raise the kids, take care of the house, etc. I think it might be just what you're used to. I may be completely wrong but in thinking about my parents, my dad did work full time but my mom also worked part time and I don't remember any clear division between what she did and what he did. After a while, he even took cooking classes and did some of the cooking on his own accord. They both just seemed to do some of everything. Is this what you mean by more distinct roles?
Actually, I've reached a point where hetero relationships are strange to me...it's an acculturation process, no other way to get there than to live it daily...we are remarkably adaptable creatures...
I'd not really considered that. Looking back, I suppose my parents did have traditionally gendered roles. No, that's not really not what I mean. My (male) partner and I don't have traditional roles now. The last few days he's been making references to me being the 'man' in the relationship. Thanks, greatwhale. I think it might be more that I'm struggling to accept that women do like other women. In my early teens, I can remember thinking things would be easier if I were a boy, because then I could date girls. I still don't think I've accepted that, as a woman, I can be attracted to woman, or more particularly, that they might be attracted to me.
No, mainly because I saw femme couples on the internet and in real life. But until a couple years ago, I wasn't aware that 2 butches could end up together.
