I came out to a couple I was very close with a couple of months ago but since then haven't come out to anyone but I am getting up the courage to come out again. Here are the reasons I should: positives: 1. I can stop living a lie. When I came out that couple I was nervous but once I got past it I felt so much closer to them because I could finally be me around them. 2. I can stop worrying about 'what if they find out'. Sooner or later someone or something is going to come out for you. With people you care about it's better they hear from you. 3.No longer have to waste energy acting a part. I don't have to politely turn down dates, or pretend to get excited over women's beach volleyball. negatives: 1. you might lose some friends or be rejected by people close to you. Let's face it, this is going to happen. anything else?
By making yourself vulnerable you may build self esteem, self worth, confidence and learn to love yourself!
Thanks how was your progression, did you come out all at once or in stages? I had so much fear about coming out but once I did to that couple if felt so good. Part of the problem is that I wish there was some 'reason' to do it. Just setting up time to talk with some one and say, hey I'm gay, seems weird..but I guess that would be less of a shock for people than if I showed up to dinner with boyfriend I also think coming out is good for 'letting go' of trying to control your sexual identity. I know there is no 'turning back' to something I never was - I am gay, but it ends once and for all the closet dilemma there's no going back in the closet when you let other people know and that will help me move forward.
I know what you mean about having a reason. It just seems so strange. I've been wanting to tell a friend at work but haven't figured out how to start the conversation. My wife's therapist is suggesting we tell her (my wife's, not the therapists ) mom and dad soon. I really don't want to call them and set up a time to talk. That adds a lot of gravity to the conversation. How can I do it without setting the tone of such a serious conversation? I don't think they will react too badly, but "we need to talk" never has good connotations.
i did it in stages, first me of course, then in support groups looking for courage, then my son, my parents, sibs, and then on facebook as I have friends all over. then at work after Pulse. each time a bit of weight comes off my shoulders, and my soul. it was exciting each time, now I have to do it all over again about my gender, this one is a little more scary but will be done.
From the first discussion I had, to being completely out to everyone, took me about five months. First was family, then friends, then workmates, then anyone that asked. Once the first domino fell, the rest fell consecutively. And I do agree with our perspective, there is no going back! Then again, why would you want to????
I don't want to go back to struggling. I love the idea of 'giving up control' of my sexual identity, or rather people's perception of it. Right now I am hiding. I don't want to hide anymore or live a lie. I love the idea of being fully out, I just don't like the idea of doing it I wish also though there was some sort of ritual I could engage in to symbolize the importance of this to myself. The same way that a marriage ceremony would symbolize my union of love with a man.
Coming out does mean saying goodbye to some things and some 'dreams' many of us who repressed our sexuality had this idea we could 'fix' it, but even leaving a prison can feel a little unnerving and a little insecure. Friendships might change- I might grow out of old friendships and into new ones. There are some friends who might not be homophobic but you just have different lifestyle interests. For example I want to go to gay friendly or gay bars only now, at least until I am fully out and dating. I can't reasonably ask my straight friends to come along every time..
excuse my English as it is not my first language... I was thinking of coming out to the world on Facebook...with a video of me explaining my life and how I got to this point. I want to let it all out, so everybody that's in my life, knows once in for all the truth....This seems like a good idea in my head, idk if it really is....This would save me a lot of uncomfortable conversations with people, and it will give me the opportunity to say what I really want to say and, dk, answering questions that people might have...
You're doing great. I am just starting on possibly truly coming out to myself, definitely later in life.
I would agree that with me, it will probably be in stages. For now, I'm living with the knowledge that I've come out to myself, to my therapist, and to my boyfriend as bisexual/bi-curious. So far, I've received nothing but support. Even my boyfriend, whom I was really scared to tell and almost broke up with him rather than admit the truth of my newfound sexuality identification, I received the "oh, is that all?" attitude. I was thankful for that, because his words were far from a dismissal of my feelings. They were much closer to "I thought it was going to be something way worse!" He supports me on my path to explore who I am, and that is priceless. <3 MG179
By coming out a little at a time, it can truly feel liberating. Those that support you can help you get better settled in with who you are. As you continue to make progress, you will feel much happier with yourself and the people around you. You will ultimately be in a much better place in the end. I feel exactly the same way about coming out as transgender in my current situation. To help get started on my path, I promised myself that I seize any opening to start and would never look back after. You have so much to gain by pressing onward. I'm confident that you can do it!
Write one! It would be private but it can still be really meaningful. I kinda did...I wrote a ritual mourning my past life and opening myself up to my new one. It's been such a drastic change I felt it needed something to solemnize it a little.
A 'ritual mourning'...thats such a wonderful simple yet powerful idea. How beautiful, practical, logical, sensible, feeling, frightening, marvelous, energising and any number of other descriptives to everyone and everything written here. Drastic change..yes, turning things upside doen in many ways yes...beong you YES. Happy coming out everyone whatever your path, process and time may be. BE.
Being out to yourself and comfortable in your own skin is the most important thing If you have been actively sexually you are in fact out to some people The question is do you wish to be out to people you are not sexually active with and have no intention of being sexually active with and my opinion is that you don't have to shout to the world from the highest mountain what your sexual desires are. Straight people don't do it and we shouldn't have to either. I think it is important to be open and honest with those in your life whom you consider important as well as health care providers and your employer should you find yourself in a long term committed relationship. You may find yourself rejected, that is a part of life, and when you do you might ask yourself if that relationship was really that meaningful after all.
I love this idea! I also like the idea of mourning my past life and giving up on those 'dreams' of a heterosexual life. I was angry at suppressing myself for so long but a sad good bye as I move to the next phase of my life would be much better.
