So, I've been out to myself for a few months now. And I am starting to feel more alone than ever. I want to go out and meet other gay men, but there are so many roadblocks. I have never been one for the bars. I would go, but I would be going alone, and that scares me on a number of levels, so I don't go. I mean, what would I do? Sit at the bar , drink and hope someone comes up and talks to me. That won't happen, and I would just be there feeing even more alone than I feel right now. I signed up for dating sites, but they do net seem to be doing anything. And although I have thought about hook up apps, those just feel dangerous. And anyway, I don't want a hookup, I want a friend. I've tried to reach out to the local center, but they did not respond when I made an inquiry. There are no local Meetups. I've been thinking about going to a local pride day, but again, how is that supposed to get me interacting with others? I have a few friends I hang out with right now, who have no idea I am gay. I think about telling them, but I get scared. What if I come out and that pushes them away, then I would be really alone. It's not like I have a huge support system where I am right now. So what do I do to take that next step. How do I enter this wide world of being gay? Sorry for the rant, I just feel anxious and a bit frustrated right now.
I fell your pain, it can be tough when you are first coming out. What about the 2 people you are out too, can they help to support you?
Persistence and vulnerabilit are the keys for you to progress. As I have stated previously, taking risks, opening yourself up, exposing yourself to others is critical to building confidence, self esteem, self worth and learning to love yourself. By making yourself vulnerable, you can further embrace whom you are. Your on the right track by wanting to meet others, this is how you make yourself vulnerable. Recognizing this as a necessary step is half the battle! Persistence is the second half of the battle. Try and if you do not succeed try again. Just because the local LGBT center did not call back, consider going to their web site (which should have plenty of information), or simply go there. The centers are very busy typically with nominal staff and being proactive, taking the initiative, is important if you want to facilite getting involved. Also, meeting people is all in the numbers, the more places you make yourself vulnerable the better ability you have to meet people: When I go to bars alone, I would typical find a place at the counter to order a sparkling water (I do not drink much anymore) and just start chatting with the bar tender. Typically, as people come and go to order drinks, you might find yourself striking up a conversation with them. There will be others in your same situation. And everyone is at a bar to be social. I joined a few LGBT focused charitable organizations. Attend some of their events and even volunteer and get active. You will find other like minded guys and gals that you might connect with. While I was not a real athlete, I did enjoy running. So I joined an LGBT running group that met regularly during the week. It's called International Frontrunners, and with a global network, you can join and not only stay fit but meet some great guys in a non scene way. Alternatively, check for other LGBT sports leagues in your area such as bowling leagues, football, rugby, squash, tennis, etc. Join an LGBT social group. From book reading, to hiking, supper clubs, Gaymer groups (video games), so on and so on. I joined for a walking group as well and met quite a few people there. As far as apps, while they are primary there for hook ups, I have met people that have become good friends engaging on them. When your writing a profile, be extremely clear what your looking for. Chances are, there are others looking for the exact same thing. A word of caution: people on apps often behave at very primal levels, so don't let any of the immaturity get to you. When come across silliness, just ingnore it and brush it off. Finally, just live your daily life. I met my husband at an airport waiting for a flight. Keep your eyes open and your mind open to engaging with others. You never know whom your next best friend or even lover may be!
