Ever feel like "accidentally" outing yourself?

Ok, apparently I'm losing my mind (wouldn't be a surprise after the last 3 months I've had). The last couple of days I've had several instances where I just want to go, "you know what, f**k it, I'm a lesbian people, and I don't care who knows it!"

Like can you imagine being among friends and at the end of the night just before saying goodbye you say, "well nice to see all of you, I'm a homo, have a great evening!" LOL.

That would be one way to go with it I guess. Yes, I'm losing my marbles, what can I say, I'm frustrated with this whole being in the closet thing....it's only been 3 months for me! I can't imagine people doing this for years...I think I'd go batsh*t crazy!

So here's the question, have you guys reached a point where you almost spilled the beans and came out...due to frustration? I have had some 'near misses' recently. I've somehow held it together and not done it but I'm not sure how long I can do this.

Life is getting more frustrating emotionally and physically (don't even get me started about the cold showers I have to take to deal with the sexual bomb that has erupted since I realized I'm queer). :lol:

 

Hi Rana, it sounds like your well on your way to feeling ready to come out. So I guess my question would be what's stopping you from doing it?

 

Yep, I have felt that way a lot lately. I do think a lot of it has to do with hormones after a awareness of your true sexuality. I tend to go in cycles - for a few days I want to tell everyone, then I'm back to no one needs to know, kind of like a band aid rip it off as quick as possible and get relief from doing so or peel it back slowly and question how it is all going to work out. I do think it is best to take your time, I keep telling myself that. You are having many emotions and this is about you, not about everyone else. I find that each day it is getting easier for me. I acknowledged my feeling to myself in December, my therapist in February, my best friend in April and my husband in May. Each time I just woke up one morning and it felt right. I think you will know when it is right for you.

 

Hey yes I know that feeling. I guess like HerRainbow said is there something stopping you from telling people?

 

Yes, I almost came out due to frustration. In my case because I didn't want to hide anymore and just wanted to be me. I was thinking about an FB post "Keep calm, I am bisexual" but in the end I didn't post it and chose a more subtle approach (liking LGBT stuff on FB for example). It does not feel like I am keeping a secret anymore now except for most people in my working place because I know some of them are homophobic and biphobic.

 

I'm glad your a HOMO. Im glad your QUEER. You're OUT right here.

I love ready your words..it all resonates, and then I pulled out the bits that sang out.

Yes I 'spilled the beans' to a gad friend a few weeks back,,to him it seemed a non event, he'd already twigged it was likely. Takes one to know one. While to me my heart jumped and it was wonderful... IM OUT IM OUT...IM A HOMO and I openly told someone who knows me.. (!)(!)(!).. .

So what Im trying to say is its ok. You're ok. As a matter of fact your wonderful. I wish this queer man could reach across the cyber closet and hug this queer woman...

Well done you...:eusa_danc

 

Boy this resonates. I feel the same way. Some days I want to scream it out. I also find myself wanting to slip into a conversation with my grown kids. Like "hey, by the way, I'm gay." And no, I don't know what's stopping me.

I do think there is something to this queer puberty thing. Like I've spent the last 10 years asexual and now my body is making up for lost time? I swear sometimes I feel like a teenage hormonal boy.

 

This is how I came out to my mom, we were out hunting and i was nervous, because it has been awile since i went hunting, and she yelled at me "Gabbi shoot straight!"
and of course, i accidently said: "But i'm not mom"

 

I get this all the time but it seems to go in waves for me. One minute I'll say 'Fuck it I need to tell everyone' and the next I would rather eat my own foot.

 

I feel this way sometimes too. If I could get so mad and frustrated about the injustice we face or mad at myself for being a coward so long, something to spark it. Just say something and be done with it would be nice. Maybe someday with other people.

 

For a long time I sort of had the attitude of "well, if my wife finds out, the worrying will be over". Not sure if I was leaving bread crumbs for her to follow but she never picked up on them.

But yeah, I think it's a "burden" (being in the closet, not being gay/bi/lesbian) we'd like lifted off our shoulders.

 

I have almost done things like that so many times, but then not, and then regretted not afterward, then still made the same choice when the option came up again later.

 

What's stopping me? Good question. I'm middle eastern, so the cultural ramifications first off (homophobia doesn't even begin to describe the gay backlash in middle eastern cultures...yes it exists everywhere but unless you know a middle eastern person who tells you about this, you have no idea how much more extreme homophobia is in this culture...not only will the gay/lesbian person be an outcast, but their entire family will be negatively affected in the community...it's a bigger headache than you can imagine).

---------- Post added 22nd May 2017 at 05:19 PM ----------

Imjustjulien,

Hugs back at you dear friend!
I also told my good friend, who quite frankly, wasn't all that surprised (imagine that)!
It felt great. I just have to get over the fear of the whole "community" backlash thing.
I'm slowly getting there...enough to have moments where I say "f**k it," let me just do it and be done with that.

Honestly, I can't believe how far I've come in only 3 months since really understanding my sexual orientation. I'm almost a different person, in a good way.
All of my senses, feelings, & emotions are heightened, and I have more energy.
I feel like life used to be in black and white, and now it's in color!

I know we all need time to come to terms with this, then begin truly coming out.
I feel like I've tapped a seal and the rest is falling in line...not overnight, but getting there.
♥♥♥

 

YES!!!!!!
I definitely feel this way sometimes. (I actually am out to some people, but not at all at work,(for a couple of reasons.)

Last week at work I was on the phone with my ex-girlfriend in a very emotional conversation. My boss walked into the room briefly, then left.

I guess she gathered enough from the conversation to get that it was about 'relationship stuff.' Because later after asking if I was okay she said,

'Well if the GUY you were talking to doesn't see how awesome you are HE isn't worth your time...'

I wanted to scream, 'SHE's not a GUY!":tantrum:

Don't worry Rana, you're definitely not losing your marbles! It's only been three months for you...when you are ready you can start with one trusted friend, and take it from there.

 

Hahaha! I accidentally came out (I wasn't really thinking about being closeted I guess) cuz I said how I'm so awkward that I'll end up forever alone despite having more choices since I'm bi. (current me: great logic....:eusa_doh

 

I kind of did, by accident. I came out to my wife, but planned on staying together with her for the 4-5 years it would take for our youngest to graduate from high school, so I was not out publicly and was not making any effort to date or get into a relationship. But as luck would have it, I met someone utterly by accident a few months later, and we were having lunch together for the second or third time. We were at a restaurant maybe 30-35 miles from my home and in a suburb on the exact opposite side of the metro area. As luck would have it, our gossipy asshole neighbor from 2 doors down was there, and although I didn't see him, he saw (and heard) us, and spread it around the neighborhood. To this day I'm not sure whether to thank him, or get a pair of steel toed cleats and stomp his balls off. It certainly forced me out sooner than expected, which I wasn't prepared for, but it definitely saved me figuring out how to do it.

 

Oh okay well that is understandable because you have to take into consideration the potential ramifications it could have for other people as well as yourself. But I also think that you are amazingly courageous so you will be able to come out the way you'd like to in time

 

ok so I came out in a planned way to my family, and even on facebook, but not at work..... then Pulse happened and the 'learned' people at work were spewing so much ignorance that I got upset and when someone said 'well what's it to you.....?" with that grin, you know the one. I said that's my community that was attacked, staring them right in the face while thinking 'oh shit what did I just do...?', then I said F it, its out there now and no taking it back.

so I accidently outed myself at work last year.

 

I absolutely understand this. There are days I just want to scream it, and there are days that I believe that it is nobodys business. It is indeed frustrating.

 

Today we had a delivery at work. I had a bit of a giggle with the driver and my office manager said "get you". Since losing weight I have had a few comments about my next step being dating? Not directly, but innuendos. It's just fun and no harm is intended. And I have made it clear I didn't lose weight to just date! (well not a man anyway)

We are short staffed this week, just the 2 of us in the office. After her comment I asked what she meant. I knew she thought I was flirting with him, I was just being sociable. She giggled and walked back to her room. If she had commented again I was going to say. " Anyway... It's the other driver I like" (the other driver being female) I was quite upset she didn't comment again. I have decided for non important people I am going to have fun telling them. Today would have been perfect! But, it will keep. hahaha

Good to see you getting into this frame of mind Rana. It's beginning to feel good isn't it? Apart from the sexual puberty that has everything surging at times! That bit for me is very frustrating.