So I just realized that dating in general is my least favorite activity EVER. I'd much rather do dishes, laundry, clean toilets, talk to telemarketers for hours, etc than go through the motions of dating. I recently met this girl on a dating app. Shes beautiful, feminine, professional, etc. Turns out that at my same age, she's just coming out and starting to figure things out. So we're sort of on the same boat (except that facebook tells me she was a daughter). It's the first time Ive met someone online (or elsewhere) that I feel I could relate to even as friends, but that I also find really attractive and worth knowing. She asked me to text her, I did, and she didn't reply for a month. When she finally did, she said that she was looking for something on her phone and found my text and she had thought I had never texted her so was surprised to find I had. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and believing that shes actually telling the truth. The point is that now we've been texting but it's all small talk and it really stresses me out. I don't know her at all so texting seems super impersonal and not a good way to meet someone. I told her that and asked her out. She said yes and asked my availability. I answered. Then she doesn't say anything back for a whole day. I message her at night and as her 'so do you think you'll be able to meet up?' and her reply was 'I think so '. Like WTF kind of reply is that? Here's the thing: I don't want to miss out on an opportunity of getting to know someone who could be potentially a good friend throughout this journey or maybe even more BUT she seems like shes flakey/playing games and I already went through that once and it destroyed me. This just reminds me of why I hate dating so much. wwyd
Hey soundofmusic, Good for you for putting yourself out there! My advice would be not to judge anything from this little bit of texting behaviour. You don't know whether she got distracted in between reading your text and answering or didn't hear the alert and then other texts came in so she did miss it. This doesn't seem at all out of the realm of possibility to me. What if she's not tied to her devices like the rest of us are? Could just be part of her character. I'd say give her a chance. If she repeatedly gives, what you think are, wishy-washy answers, you need to ask point blank questions and then you'll find out if she really wants to meet up. Give her the what, where and when. "I want to try this new restaurant xyz. Would you like to go with me on xxxday at x:00?"
That is frustrating! It's not hard to reply to a text or on the app. I hope you can meet with her if she'll be a good person for friends or possibly more. I guess if she can't respond timely maybe she would be flakey in real life too and not worth your time, but then again who knows what's going on in her life. Maybe let her know you're nervous about it, but looking forward to it. She might feel the same way and she'll take comfort in that. Good luck!
excuse my english as it is not my first language.... I think you should just ask her straight out, let her know you are interested in her, and yo want to know if she is as well. That way you don't waste your time and move on to the next lovely lady that i'm sure you'll meet. You mentioned she just barely came out of the closet, so I'm thinking maybe that's the reason why she's acting a little weird and just not replying with straight answers....either way, you should just ask her and move on, or keep trying to go out with her...
Thank you all for the advice! I never texted her again. It's been more than a week now so I don't imagine we'll be talking again. She just didn't seem interested or at least not in the right mindset and the whole situation really stressed me out to the point where I have been really depressed and self-flagellating this whole week... I know I can't seek validation from this type of interaction, that it has to come from within, but this just proves my point that I cannot emotionally handle dating. I'm just crap at it. Thank you guys anyways!
From this paragraph it seems like you don't hate dating. What you actually hate is the mind games that sometimes come with dating. The good news is that is up to you to avoid the mind games. The bad news is that it takes courage and being vulnerable for you to avoid the mind games. You think that she is being flakey and would like her to be more straight forward? Tell her that. Do you think its miscommunication? Call her. Stop being afraid of losing a "what if" scenario. Go and demand what you want from a friend or potential partner.
I mean in this situation, it's too late. I lost her number and I think I was too insistent and came off as pushy - which is not my intention or who I am. But your advice is good if in the future something comes up. I definitely don't like mind games. I'm usually blunt and straightforward and I like to hear it like it is. So when people seem like they're hiding or playing games it just makes me really frustrated and angry and I turn into someone I severely dislike...
