Long story short is that I'm a bi guy and I've been married to a woman for three years now. I definitely love her and want to stay together, but lately I've been having those urges where I want to have some kind of sexual experience with another guy. I'm no stranger to that and had a few hookups and even a short relationship with other males before we got married. Of course, I had relationships with other girls, too ,but I think its the lack of male to male contact that I'm lusting after as the male to female base is covered. How do I resolve this situation with myself and be happy with the choice that I've made? Part of my decision to marry a girl was that I found someone that I love , its easier socially, and I also want to have kids of my own. Is it possible to just live with fantasies and just rub one out to gay porn every so often?
Hi there, and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place. It's hard for me to answer your question, because while I was also married to a woman for 9 years, I now identify as gay. I'm quite certain I'm not bi. So I can't tell you how you're going to feel or how to resolve this conflict. I will ask this though - does your wife know that you're bisexual? Does she know that you've been with men before? Does she know that you use gay porn? Generally speaking, honesty is the best policy. I worry that trying to stifle this and keep it a secret will only make it worse.
Okay, there is not much you can do here. You already made your choice by marrying a woman. You are just going to have to jerk to gay porn, and sometimes even play with your wife's toys... Your other choice, (which cannot be made unless divorce), was to marry a man, and jerk off to straight porn. And even play with those 'vagina' toys, or whatever. Its really hard to be married and be Bisexual, since you are only marrying one sex. If you equally like each sex, then marriage is just not possible unless your partner is bisexual as well. It's difficult, yes, but that's just the way it is.
I'd say for bi guys I don't see why it's no same as a straight guy marrying a girl. Would I love to have both? Hell yeah, lol. HOWEVER - straight guys probably see a hot girl when they're out and about and think, "I'd so love to fuck her!" lol. I don't think any married guy just stops having sexual attraction whether it's straight, bi, or gay to other people. Just here it's guys also catching your eye.
My wife does not know that I'm bi and I've definitely avoided throwing that out there. Of course I've considered it, but upon reading stories where the woman is devastated by that revelation and the relationship is fractured, it just doesn't seem prudent to me. I can't say for sure she'd be one of the ones to react poorly, but truthfully I don't know and I'm afraid. It's a crappy situation I've built for myself in that regard, but in almost every other facet our relationship is great and communication is there. I've just never been able to broach this subject at all with anyone let alone her. She knows I look at porn and she's generally ok with that chalking it up to me being a man, but she doesnt request details.O That's a long "no" to your questions, but I hope I've explained myself a bit. ---------- Post added 6th Nov 2012 at 04:25 PM ---------- Thanks, guys. You confirm what was already rattling around in my head. I just need suck it up and stop pining after what I don't have when what I do have is great. I did realize that straight guys are in the same situation when looking at other girls, but I have it coming at me from both ways! Aaahhh!! And there is always porn to use as the release valve, which I'm pretty sure straight guys use as well.
Yes - and it's totally understandable. Our sex lives are usually kept so private that we don't talk openly about them with anyone - even our spouse. And that's too bad, because I fear that this will eventually be an issue that you need to bring up with her. Either because you want to get it off your chest and talk about it honestly, or you've kept it all bottled up for so long that you finally 'cracked' and had an affair with another man - breaking her trust. The first conversation will be easier than the second. How about seeing a counsellor of some kind. You'd be able to talk it through with them, and they could provide suggestions as to how you can broach this with your wife.
Like everyone else has stated; when in doubt, gay porn. You married her because you loved her and that's all you need (besides the porn that is).
No way dude. If you married her coz you really love her, then don't fuck with other men. You know you'll hurt her.
