Hey, I'm wondering if anyone has had a similar experience to mine? I've been married 15 years, have 2 kids 13 and 10. Love them all like crazy and don't want to hurt them. BUT I realize I am gay and need to have sex with a guy fairly regularly to stay sane. My question is this: Is it realistic to think I can come out to my wife and remain in my marriage until my kids leave the nest? I would be looking for a totally open marriage where we agree upon and encourage a relationship outside of it. This is my preferred outcome primarily cos im thinking of my kids but I'm not sure if this is infact the healthiest option for them. Any thoughts or experiences would be very welcomed!! Thanks
Hey Mike, Welcome to the EC I would first look at it by seeing how your wife is about gay people. That would help a lot. But you will have to realize that very few marriages survive as marriages when one of the partners is gay. Now there is no one saying that you cannot have that, but where you have had time to come out to yourself, at least mentally, this may be quite the shock for your wife. I understand to a certain extent, as I am married and gay, but no longer living with my wife in fact I am in another country now. But EACH time this type of marriage comes up it is unique to the couple. * If you so desire you can look back at some of my posts to give you an idea what I am talking about* Now for it being realistic? no. I'm sorry it is not. You're kids are at the age that they can understand and somewhat accept who and what you are. Each again case is different. It would be healthier for them for you and your wife to sit down and discuss it with them, after you have come to an agreement on how you will be moving forward. Coming out to her will be damn difficult, and you will have to be prepared for many of the symptoms of grief she will go through. You may have to live separately for a while or you may not, it all depends on her. You will have to put all your cards on the table, and abide by her decision. Your love for your children speaks highly of you. You also must make sure that no matter what, that they know that your love for them hasn't changed. I hope some of what I said helps. Feel free to drop me a line on my wall if you need to talk. Good Luck.
Hey Michael. Thanks for your reply. I would say that she is very gay friendly. We have friends that are gay. It's tough isn't it, even after 17 years of being together, knowing what kind of reaction I'll get. I know I need to do it though... it's just not fair to her to go on like this. She knows something is up, has even asked me if I'm gay on several occasions which I've denied each time. I might try and feel it out by asking a "what if" question the next time she mentions it and see what happens. Thanks again for the thoughts and good wishes M
