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Get married or break up?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by 1981, Dec 7, 2012.

  1. 1981

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Over the past 15 years I have had relationships with guys and girls. My most serious relationships were with men but then 2 years ago, I accidentally got into a relationship with a girl. I say accidentally because I never intended it to become anything serious. We met through a mutual friend (who now because of our relationship does not speak to us) and we kind of fell into a relationship because we were having some fun and didn't want it to end. I now wish that I had ended it back then. We decided that we would tell people about our relationship and this was the first time either of us had come out to anybody. It was a tough time and my family have not been supportive, my Dad will not accept it and I am not really welcome home now.

    Two years on from that and we are in a very serious, loving relationship, the best relationship I have ever had. Despite this I still constantly wonder if I am doing the right thing. I would love to be married to a man, to have children, be able to serve my Church and spend time with my family. I feel like by being with her I am giving up on these things. We have come to a point in our relationship where she would like to get married (or the equivalent) and I am not sure. She doesn't want to stay in a relationship that is not going anywhere and I can understand that completely. I don't want to lose her but I also don't want to give up on the normal life I have always dreamed of. I have one month left before I have to decide; get married or break up!

    It is driving me crazy because I don't know what to do. I don't want to break up and regret the decision and be alone for ever. I also know that at 31 my chances of meeting a man, getting married and having children puts some time pressure on, I mean I can't wait too much longer to have children. But I also don't want to get married and then wake up in 10 years wishing I had been braver now and broken up with her so I could be married to a man.

    I wish someone could give me the answer. I know you can't but if you have any advice I would like to hear it, especially if you understand what this is like.
     
  2. at 31 you are still way young. you might feel old but really age isnt any factor for anything at all. everyone no matter where they are in life 90% of people do worry if they will end up alone forever. its a normal thing.

    if youre having doubts about getting married you probably arent ready to marry her, if you wanted to marry her because you were in love you would you know? dont stay in a relationship for fear of being alone. everyone when they break up goes through the inital 'omg im gunna be alone forever because we broke up' phase, but it does pass. this dilemma you are in too shall pass.

    have you spoken to your girlfriend about this problem? if not, you really should. marriage is a big thing and your dilemma is really something you can only sort out, but either way you should be there for each other as you still are in a relationship.

    if you do break up and dont get married to her then you dont have to go right out there again and be straight back into dating. take your time, do new hoobies, do new things meet new people. its easy to meet new people, make new friends. some people dont find anyone until they ar 60. some people find someone at 30. some people find someone at 50. it doesnt matter how old you are, your age shouldnt prevent anything form happening.

    no one really knows where life will take them, you just have to take chances in life and hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

    my opinion. sorry if this offends anyone and hope this was of some help :|
     
  3. Zendlar

    Full Member

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    If you love her for her, and it's just the children and family thing that is bugging you and making you apprehensive there are other ways as well to have a family with the two of you. In-vitro Fertilization, Adoption are ways as well...Have you talked to her about wanting to start a family? Maybe she does as well?

    Being alone isn't scary, being unhappy is!

    Do what you think is right, and talk it out with her.