I'm lesbian. WOW... I said it out loud again. I can't believe it. I came out for the first time to my most trusted (female) friend in the world. I was not scared she would judge me, but I was scared that she would think I was telling her because I wanted her. I told her that, too. LOL... she said "common misconception." I guess I just don't know the "rules" of how everything is supposed to work. I've known it all my life, I just tried to (and was successful for many years) to hide it. I have been in relationships with men all my life, and have never had sex with a woman. There's noone I want at this moment - I just knew it was time to come clean with myself, and start making it clear to those who are around me. As my friend told me through the years "you waffle in your decision making too much." I think being in the closet is the reason I did... I would change my mind about things (anything and everything) a thousand times before it was completed/done. There are so many emotions going on right now, but the biggest thing I feel is RELIEF. I'm scared of some's reaction (especially my mom and brothers), and I'm venturing into a world of a lot of unknowns - simply because I refused to admit it. I have a LOTTTTT of gay/lesbian friends, and I saw myself over the years identifying with them... I fit so many "stereotypes" it's not even funny. LOL I do have a question tho - the two friends I care MOST about in this entire world, are two that I never want to lose. They are both female and have been roomates for years. IDK if they're lesbian or not... I would like to say yes, but I don't know. I do not want either of these women as a partner in life. However, I have such a strong bond with both of them. Is that normal? I love them to pieces, and I really stepped back and examined the situation and our friendship now that I'm out - to one of them at least right now... the other one probably knows, but I'm not sure if the other one told her. If she did, that's fine and I'm OK with that. But coming from other gays/lesbians, do you have a person/people in your life that are like that? Do you have those people who mean more than anything in the world to you, and you don't look at them as anything more than a true blue friend?
I cannot say that I do have someone like that, but I think I understand how you feel. I haven't had long enough to build a bond like that with anyone, but I know I have started to and I wish I could truly have a friend like that.
I feel the same way about my best friends, both guys, straight(if that matters), they know I'm gay, and I can honestly say I love them both as true friends that I never want to lose.
I am very newly out too! Congratulations! I am still sorting through friendships as well. There is a tight group of us that all interned together and partied then grew up together. There seemed to be some sort of crushes floating back and forth, weird jealousies over guys that would come into the picture. Two of the five of us got married and now that I moved away and got sober I wonder...but if none of them are accepting they are gay...I feel like I have enough on my hands with my brand new acceptance of myself. But if these girls you know are already accepting of their own sexuality and single I bet the more you just hang now that you're out of denial...the more you will see by what develops naturally.
