Comparison of non-relationship sex : sauna vs. NSA vs. Friends with benefits

Of these choices, the best, I think, is the friends with benefits.

The risk of STD or an axe murderer would rule out the first two options completely for me. Plus I personally would probably not be comfortable with anonymous sex. Casual sex with someone I know would be possible. Someone I meet for the first and last time in the gym locker room would not.

Another option exists, although it may not be viable in the UK. In the US, there are a few masturbation clubs. I've never been to one, but basically guys go to one to masturbate with other guys present. Obviously this can be pretty anonymous, and it wouldn't have much connection with a partner. But it should be safer from a STD view.

 

There are other options. (see message to you) hugs

 

Hi,

Problem for me is being gay isn't something I want to lock away, degrade or hide from anymore. I want a man, by my side to go through life with, to love, to wake up with, and go to sleep with.

I cannot pick apart being gay and say "if I have this little aspect of gay life I would be happy."

Look at your right hand. Which four of the five fingers are you willing to lose because only a single finger matters to you? That is my problem with the question you pose.

The one thing I have learned is my happiness in a relationship is based in emotional (right brain), intellectual (left brain) and physical (body) comparability. When I lack one of the three there is no passion, no true happiness.

I cannot provide an answer to your question. Does this make any sense? Hook-ups degrade me in achieving my goal of happiness.

I think Buddha said; It is more important to ask the right question than to have correct answers.

Stuck

 

So...do you think your wife would consider staying with you after learning that you've been unfaithful? Or are you not going to tell her you've been with other men while you've been married to her?

 

Cool, I didn't know if you were already seeing guys on the side or anything, which is why I asked. If you had been sleeping around with men while married to a woman, and you decided to come out to her, would you tell her you had slept with men? (Hypothetically.)

I think you'd be happiest if you just came out and got a divorce. It might be hurtful to her at first, but staying with her in a relationship that is not sexually gratifying to her (I'm assuming that you guys don't have sex?) is not really fair.

That being said, I'm also thinking about this from the perspective of a young person, and if your wife is close to your age, I imagine it would be hard for her to "get back on the market" so to speak. So that complicates things mightily.

 

My last LTR Ken was a true BI guy (in his mid 20's when we got together and 30's when we split-up). which was terrible because I did not really meet either of his needs for a man or woman. Being trans and looking male, but being really female. I had to deal with just this problem in our relationship (he had sex needs I could not provide for). So I came up with the "don't ask, don't tell rule".

He discovered early in our relationship he needed more than I could provide, so I opened our relationship. At first I knew who he was having sex with, because he was being honest with me. It turned into a nightmare every time because the other person always seemed to get feelings for him and would come around to tring to split us up, but he was very much in love with me so they never had a chance to break us up. This happened with several women and one old queen. The queen really got out of hand and took years to shake off of Ken. I mean it got bad enough that the queen called the police saying I had kidnapped my own man! Because he quit answering the phone for him and gifts started comming by mail and everything. Even found Ken's sister and outted him to her. I can't tell you how bad it got! The women were easier to get rid of. It seems most people around here can't just have sex without falling in love.

So I discussed the problem with Ken and we came up with the escort idea. This worked out great! Except the first girl I hired he insisted I watch. I cried for days after seeing that. It just hurt my soul and it really killed my love for him and eventually the relationship. That is when I came up with the don't ask don't tell rule. Too late really to fix that relationship. From then on Ken hired escorts and I just never knew about it most of the time. It was on his time, he did it when he had no plans with me and was always home on time, probably when I thought he was out with the guys or something. I just did not wan't to know! (what I did not know did not hurt me) Escorts don't call back or fall in love and stalk you and these days you have to play safe anyway. Lets face it you pay for it one way or another!

I wonder if your wife can handle knowing the man she loves is having sex with someone else. I am assuming she loves you, and I read where you two were not having sex anymore. That was my experence with a simmular situation and how it worked out best for us. I hope my experence with Ken may help you in some way. Sincerely, June

 

Yeah, but you gotta be careful doing this because prostitution is illegal in a lot of places, so there is legal liability there.

 

Hi,

You are feeling happier now that you are dealing with being gay.

Curious...

Wouldn't your wife be happier if she dealt with her insecurity rather than you enabling her problem?

Inversely, does an open marriage address your true sexuality?

I know it sounds like I am saying "lets be emotionally challenged together rather than healing and be whole on our own" but I cannot state it otherwise. I don't want to be rude or offend anybody this works for.

Is that your goal?

Stuck

 

Personally, I suggest you take door #5 and enter into a committed relationship. Condoms break and you don't know where the other guy is going if you're not in anything other than a committed relationship.

 

This is a great post. Now single, I actually feel I have the freedom to pursue and be with guys. Though I wouldn't object to being pursued either.

To be frank , with the phone apps, any gay guy can get laid anytime he wants. I gave been pretty surprised by how many guys have "woofed" me or chatted me up. My pic is real, and I'm by no means a rock star or GQ model!

In the perfect world I'd want to date, have sex, maybe fall in love.

But for sure in the gay world sex is almost the price of entry to dating.

I'm a little stuck in this area too

 

I hate to tell you this, but most guys cheat at some point in a LTR. Unless you are planning on being by his side for 24/7 365 for the rest of your life to be sure. It is nice to think your partner won't stray though. June

 

just a thought, and sorry if this has already been addressed, but...

....if your wife is really insecure, what makes you think that you wouldn't be upping the chances of you possibly leaving (from her POV) in doing this, even if she does technically agree to let you see people on the side...? she very well may tell you that she approves to try and keep you in the marriage, but in the back of her mind/heart she may begin to feel that in letting you see other men the chance of you leaving due to feelings for someone else/heightened feelings of unsatisfaction in your rmarriage has become even greater, thus adding to her insecurity.

for that reason, i really would be weary of staying in the marriage with men on the side... you both may see it as a suitable compromise at first, but if your wife really is insecure i think that there is a high chance of this eating away at her/your marriage over time....

again, just a thought...

 

Friends with benefits would be the best, in my opinion.

Axe murderers suck at foreplay.

 

Or you padlock his zipper shut.

 

:eek: :roflmao:

 

Hey June,

21 years and I have not cheated and being a gay man in a heterosexual marriage it is a challenge.

Stuck

 

That is why I used the wording most guys and not the wording all guys. Ask yourself if that perfect boi was in heat for you, could you resist? Then would you get home and say I cheated? These days you just have to protect yourself from all the std's out there and . June