I'm wondering if anyone else out there has had this experience? I was in relationships with men exclusively for 30+ years (I'm female) then started my first relationship with a woman three years ago. For the last year and a half, my relationship has been sexless, due to my partner's physical health. I haven't looked outside the relationship for sex, I've been celibate. Now after so long, the idea of same sex physical intimacy seems like a strange dream, not a remembered reality. I mean, I know I used to have sex with a woman, but none of it seems real anymore, although the concept of sex with a man still seems clear. I have no idea when (or if) I might have sex with her again, but somehow it seems like starting over from square one, just as mystifying, scary, and strange as it was the *real* first time. A friend asked me if I thought this meant I had gone back to being straight, and I said no, that goat had left the barn, I'm bisexual for life, but....I really wonder. Have any of you had the experience of having your own sexual past go so wonky it no longer seems quite real? How did you handle that?:rolle:
Can't say as if I've had the same exact experience, but having oscillated back and forth between men and women, it always seems a bit surreal when finding myself back in a familiar (but not overly familiar) place.
Yeah, surreal is a great way to describe it. I also have to wonder if my feeling of comfort regarding sex with a man again is inaccurate--haven't done that in 9 years, so who knows, maybe I only *think* it would feel natural. Maybe it's that being intimate with anyone at all after so long would be surreal. Sadtimes. :-( Actually, I should stop whining. I checked out a forum for people in sexless relationships...folks over there going on 30 years without...makes my stupid year and a half seem like teeny tiny potatoes.
thinking about straight sex is like bringing back repressed memories for me ... i usually end up sucking my thumb and rocking in the fetal position!
Damn, I haven't had sex for almost ten years and even then it was awful. I handled it by giving up but then I wasn't in a relationship like you. I lived in a place where you simply did not "come out" without losing everything. I live in a place now where I felt comfortable coming out, so I did. Now to have a relationship. Thought I might have had one started but she ended up being something I didn't like. Men nauseate me and have for most of my life (I was married twice - lots of faking it). It's been so long that what is a little while longer? I'm seriously looking right for a good woman now but with an eye for who I want. Can't settle for less, nor should she. Right? Now, if I can remember what sex felt like. Oh wait... Looking forward to the REAL thing!
Heh...yeah, in the corner with a ball of string, making wubba-wubba-wubba noises. It does make you wonder how much your brain has manipulated those memories. Could it really have been *that* bad/good? Eh,who can say anymore...:eusa_doh: ---------- Post added 12th Mar 2013 at 04:01 PM ---------- I wish you the very best of luck in your search. Maybe this part of the forum can start a sub-sub-forum where we all remind each other what it used to be like...for those of us who are starting to experience memory loss from our advanced ancientness.:roflmao:
I can identify with your original question, Pink. I've recently left my xH after 15 years just with him, because my relationship with my gf had begun. Previous to her, the last sex I had with a woman was around 16 years ago, and definitely seemed like a strange dream - ethereal - could it really have happened (except of course I know it did, in an 18-month sexual relationship with a woman who has been an important part of my life now for 26 years, and still is!) But starting my new rlx was like an absolute revelation. All the years fell away and i REMEMBERED, finally, what sex should feel like!! :lol: Needless to say, there was no hope for my marriage :icon_sad: from that point forward... Do I have regrets? I suppose... but I'll look back on it all as experience. Colourful. Like the rainbows in my heart! (Cheesey? - Oh well!! :icon_wink)
This might be a male vs female response but I don't relate. I am gay, the past 21 years in a hetero marriage has been sham acting and I am eager to get back to who I am. No doubts, no concerns. Damn the torpedoes full speed ahead.
I can kinda relate. It's been 14 years since I've been with a woman... and my memories feel like they're wrapped in gauze and candle light. Lovely, dreamy and really lacking clarity and detail. I feel like I'll be starting all over like a sweating, stuttering virgin.
Don't worry Femmeme, I felt the same, terrified that I wouldn't know what to do... but it all came back - not straight away, but my gf is someone I can happily be myself with. We both just did (still do :icon_bigg) what came naturally!! :icon_wink
