It has been a long 5 months since I came out to my wife. We have been married for more than two decades with three awesome kids. There have been a whole lot of tears, but my wife is amazing in her support. I am not out to anyone else, but I could not keep my secret from her any longer. I have always known I was gay, but being gay was never an option, so I learned how to hide. The times that I have thought about suicide are to numerous to count. I am dazed and confused over my love, respect and admiration for my wife, and my deep desire to know the love of a man, even writing that line, is so foreign to me, that I giggle. ME? GAY? WHY? Forgive me if I get a little "out there" but I can't get a handle on who I am. I am 53, how do I start my life over at 53? How do I walk away from her and my family? I don't know how to do that and I am concerned that I am going to go back into the relationship because it is habit, comfortable and most of all SAFE! I am new to the EC family but I have read many of the post and responses. I really need your thoughts and opinions for guidance and honestly...for survival! Thanks for reading. I really appreciate the support.
Welcome , and you have come to the right place. I don't know what I would do without consulting this site. The main thing I realized is how UN-ALONE I am ( and you are). Read the accounts of others and I am sure you will find stories and experiences that resonate. I am 51 and talked about bisexuality vs gay with my wife and a marriage counsellor this evening. I think I will be out and on my own soon. We have two more sessions scheduled. There is a slight sense of relief and a light at the end of the tunnel. It isn't the end, not for you, and not for me. It is a new beginning. We will get there. Again, welcome!
Hi jhs Welcome to EC. I have been a member for the last few months and have come across over 40 gay guys so far who are either married or have been. I have found their guidance, advice, and different points of view helpful to me as I struggle to come to terms after discovering I am gay in my mid 40s and accepting it in my early 50s after 25 years of marriage. I look forward to your points of view adding to the mix. Sale Gay Guy P.S. I have added a list of the 40 guys mentioned above to your wall as it's first entry. If you have not seen your "Wall" before you can get there by clicking on your username at the top right of the screen next to the word welcome.
Hello JHS, Welcome to EC! I am one of those on SaleGayGuy's list whose story matches yours quite closely, only my wife is taking the more aggressive stance of suing me for divorce (I have not come out to her, we just haven't had sex in years) - oh well, the end result will be the same! I know what you mean about the weirdness of calling oneself gay; I only came to that conclusion a little over a month ago. For me it wasn't a (consciously) gradual realization, it was a sudden revelation - no doubt brought on by the impending divorce, but also by the realization that I could not in good conscience initiate a relationship with another woman knowing, to the depth of my soul, that I would have these inclinations for the rest of my life. So moral obligation, conscience, commitment to living with integrity and honesty; all of these ethical decisions have come into play with a force that I have never experienced before. But more importantly, I am looking forward one day, when it's right, to a relationship with that one man who will take me as I am, baggage and all, for a life of love and commitment to each other.
Gosh what a touching share You have come to the right place - just take it one day at a time and learn from others that have traveled the same path
Gosh what a touching share You have come to the right place - just take it one day at a time and learn from others that have traveled the same path
Welcome and as others have said this is the right place to get advice. There is not a simple answer for every one as each person is different and in a similar situation but as we are all unique we have to find what is right for us as individuals. It is good that you can at last say "I am gay" even if it is only to yourself. That is the first thing. Can you continue to live with you wife but live separate lives with you free to look for another person- a man? If this is not possible, then you will have to face the problem of leaving and setting out in life on your own. This is scary, but in the end you will at last be free to be yourself. Good luck in what ever you decide to do
