Heartbroken

Hi,

Welcome.

First, this isn't a choice you are making, it is how you are.

Are you sure you are bisexual or are you gay and in denial? Many come here saying bisexual but as the denial abates they realize they are gay. It must be pretty strong for you to be here.

I can tell you getting married and having kids only makes the pain and frustration worse. More than you can imagine.

I cannot speak for bisexual as I am gay, but if you are gay you will be happier with a man.

There are men here double your age coming out and they can tell you being married and gay does not work in the long run.

I can tell you that after 21 years of marriage and two children.

Are you talking to a professional?

 

This may seem odd, but I think you might find some comfort in reading about the enduring love and friendship shared by Freddie Mecrury and Mary Austin. A lot of their story is colored by the era they lived in but the bond they shared survived his coming out and their subsequent break up, lasting till his death.

 

Crying is good, it feels like shit, but it's good. I'm not partnered, but I know what you mean about seeing your life through different lenses. Coming to terms with being a lesbian has me looking back over my life... and it's like one of those magic eye pictures, now that I know how to focus, it's the same picture but now the whole thing looks different.

Hugs to you.

 

Hi,

Don't fool yourself... There are lots and lots of men here who can tell you hetero sex fails if you are gay. Many had to turn to Viagra just to get it up for their wife over time. With a man instant erection with the wife take a pill.

You are 27 by the time you were in your mid 40's or sooner you might be faking it and suffering frustration.

Most of the married guys here gave up sex with their wife for years before coming out.

You have been wise, you avoided that.

I know it hurts now but it gets better.

 

Just be you. Your feelings for her are the same. She and you both simply are acknowledging the truth. It will get easier with time.

 

Have you seen the research of Dr. Rao?

---------- Post added 23rd Mar 2013 at 02:02 PM ----------

If this research is correct you have been gay since birth and only societal pressure kept you straight. At 27 societal pressure has less effect as you are a thinking adult.

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Rao and his team genetically engineered male mice to lack either serotonin-producing neurons or a protein that is crucial for making serotonin in the brain. Both types of altered mouse couldn't make serotonin.

Unlike typical males, mice deficient in the neurotransmitter showed no inclination to mount sexually receptive females more than males, nor did they prefer to smell females' genital odors or bedding. Instead, they climbed onto males and serenaded them with ultrasonic love songs more frequently than normal. Males emit these vocalizations when they encounter females to make them more receptive to mating.

While all of the males who possessed serotonin mounted females first, nearly half of the mice that lacked serotonin clambered onto males before females, and about 60 percent spent more time sniffing or hovering over the genital odors and bedding from males than from females.

When the researchers injected a compound into these mice to restore neurotransmitter levels, they found that the animals mounted females more than males. But too much serotonin reduced male-female mounting, suggesting that the amount of this chemical must stay within a certain range to foster heterosexual rather than homosexual behaviors.

 

gay men who have romantic relationships with weomen prolong suffering for those weomen and it goes with out saying , they prolong their own suffering , guilt, and agony.
i loved my wife, we were married for 15 years, gay men cant sustain heterosexual relationships by nature. keep well

 

Skiff, I think that research is way too simplistic to apply to humans. Also I (and a lot if other gay people)have taken antidepressants that increase seratonin... we're still gay. Decreased seratonin in humans causes depression, there are plenty of gay people that aren't clinically depressed. Also mice don't pair bond in the same way humans do... so while that study is fascinating I don't think it's really applicable.

 

Humans are animals with a thin veneer of civilization.

Do you have credentials or research better than Rao's?

 

If Dr. Rao's research isn't talking about humans, it isn't valid for the context of humans, period. Anything else is speculation.

 

Skiff, Did you actually read the study? The scientists involved emphatically state it in no way is applicable to human sexual orientation. More importantly,do you realize you just suggested to someone in serious turmoil that seratonin might cure him from being gay?

 

They emphatically state that to avoid the anger shown here. They were wise. Bigots are everywhere.

 

And where in the paper does it state they emphatically make that statement?

If you're reading a research paper, you take what the results say at face-value, which in this case is that the lab techs can alter the seeming "sexual preferences" of mice. Not humans.

The key word in my last post was speculation. And a support thread for someone asking for legitimate help is not the place to speculate it. If you so choose to speculate such things on this site, I'll ask that you take it to a more lighthearted forum. Debating the feasibility of research results is rather offtopic here.

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To the OP: Does your girlfriend support your feelings? Many people describe a great romantic relationship as also a great friendship. If your girlfriend was accepting of you being gay, there's nothing to say you still can't be great friends.

 

I never suggested that. You just did. My point was we are gay from birth and stated that directly.

Only you made that suggestion.

 

Right. And one study with results that haven't been replicated in humans does not conclusively prove anything. That's what I'm suggesting. And to argue otherwise goes against the basic principles of scientific research.