Hi People I really never believed I would get to this age and somehow feel so lonely. To give a bit of background: I moved back to my home town after 15 years of living up north due to my father being terminally ill. I had to take a job which really wasn't what I wanted but had to in order to be able to live near my family. Last year it was my mother who died unexpectedly, leaving my sister and I to continue to care for my father. My work is specialised field and there are very few jobs of it kind around, however organisation and field within which I work is so so stressful that I simply don't want to do it anymore, it's having a bad effect both physically and mentally. I can't find another job as this would take me out of the area and unable to care for my father. My father has been doing really well as his diagnosis was 3 months but he is with us two years later. He is deteriorating now and if I'm honest I'm scared like hell. I came back to the area not knowing anyone and so my life is a stressful job and living in constant fear of my father passing . I feel trapped, lonely and afraid. The other thing that has suddenly hit me is being gay and 41. I know it sounds typically " gay drama" to say it but this is also troubling me. I don't have any gay friends and only one good straight female friend so am really feeling like my life is simply full of stressful work and family. I hope that doesn't sound like a sob story, I know others are in difficult situations too but it's just how I feel at the moment. Having dine a little research, has anyone else noticed just how little there is out there for middle aged gay men? Any advice, support would be really appreciated:icon_bigg
Yes I've noticed the exact same thing. The only social groups I can find seem to be dominated by men over 50. There are the clubs for younger 20 somethings. But nothing in between. I thought I was the only one who noticed this. My best guess is if your gay, you must move to a gay area of a major city. Unfortunately the city is not my cup of tea. Trouble is many 30 and 40 somethings are discovering or finally accepting their sexuality as lgbt and yet they built a life in small towns or suburban/conservative areas. And there is nothing for them there.
Hi and welcome!!! I see you are a bit depressed about several things. Your mother, and now your dad is passing. You are living and working where you do not want to really be. You are over 40. Those things right there are making you lonely and depressed. You hit 40, and now 41, and so feeling older is also making you more depressed. I lost my mother last summer, and spent weeks with her in another city. That takes a lot out of us. I am still sad about it, and I miss her. Anyway, here is the good news, 40 is the new 30! This is true, with the population at large getting older, and what we know about taking care of ourselves, 41 is still young. After your dad passes on to the next place, you are going to be free to move on to your next place as well. Your problems seem mostly temporary from what you have said. You can move to another area of your choice, and meet new friends, and new place of work. You are having a rough time for sure, but you need not deal with it all, everything at once. I feel for you, and I have some of the same fears and depression you do. I just try and deal with one thing at a time. The way I meet guys of all ages is to work out at a gym where gay men are known to work out at. This way you are doing something good for you, and have the chance to maybe meet friends at the same time. It is like going to a bar, except without the negative elements, and you are doing something good for yourself. It does make one feel better physically.
