Husband is so supportive...trying to find Bi in me. Not working.

Heya. It's great that your husband is being so supportive, but be wary of him (or anyone, for that matter) trying to "label" you as something you don't feel you are.

Have you looked at the 5 stages of grief yet? On that resource page, the author describes the 5 stages of grief in terms of a questioning person losing their identity. However, the 5 stages are just as applicable to anyone else - in your husband's case, he's dealing with the loss of you as he used to know you (a wife and someone who wasn't gay). According to that list, we'd call this the "bargaining" stage. He's hoping you'll be bi so that maybe you'll still be attracted to men and maybe he won't have to end up losing you.

Being married and questioning certainly has it's fair share of challenges, but try to not let that interfere with discovering who you truly are. If you don't feel you have any sexual attraction to men, it's best to be honest about that with both your therapist and your husband.

 

have you maybe thought of talking about it with him?

 

I'm enduring the same thing. My husband is my best friend. Told him in December that I'm gay. It's so messed up that the person I would typically go to for support is the one I'm leaving. Makes me feel crazy.

 

My ex knew all along that I was bi. He liked the idea of it but when it came to the actual fact of it he hated that part of me. Said it made him feel like he wasn't enough for me because I wanted a woman too. The truth was, I think, that I just wanted one particular woman who he had forbidden me to talk to anymore once we got married. I don't know. Now that I'm actually divorced and dating a woman he is convinced that I never loved him in the first place and has asked me in a nasty tone of voice more than once if me dating a woman made me gay now.

I really hope your husband handles things better than my ex did/still does. Its awful when the people who are supposed to be the most supportive turn out to be the ones that turn their backs on us just for being honest with them.

 

Oh, Rose, I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling. I certainly know the loneliness you speak of and there have been moments when I've wished I could rewind and just stay in the closet. In so many ways I had the perfect life and perfect marriage, but, of course, as much as I tried to be happy and content, there was always something missing. I'm just taking it one day at a time right now. I wish there was something I could say to help you out, but all I've got is: you're not alone!