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I think I'm biromantic homosexual & married to a man

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by browneyedgirl, Apr 9, 2013.

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  1. browneyedgirl

    browneyedgirl Guest

    ....I guess my marriage is doomed =( ...can this ever work?

    ---------- Post added 9th Apr 2013 at 05:02 PM ----------

    Or I have no idea. I know I really love cuddling, holding hands, I get butterflies around my husband but the sexual part makes me kind of sick. I think I'm more sexually attracted to women.

    I don't know what to do. I've been with women when I was younger and I didn't like it that much. It actually made me sort of disgusted. But in my fantasies I think about women, not so much myself with a woman but women together.
     
    #1 browneyedgirl, Apr 9, 2013
  2. pinklov3ly

    pinklov3ly
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    You sound like you're still questioning and that's okay. There's no rush to label yourself just yet; we're the same age and it took me forever to accept who I am. I don't think you can consider yourself homosexual if you do not like being with women sexually. However, you're the only one who can label yourself. I dislike when people call me bisexual because I still think about men. My desires to be with a man are not as strong as my desires to be with a woman.

    Have you told your husband how you feel? I think it's only fair that he knows. You should not have sex with him if you do not enjoy it. I used to sleep with my ex to prove to myself that I was not gay, but it was always awkward. I wasn't into it at all and he could tell, so we went our separate ways.

    I'm dating a girl now, and things feel so right. How about you try meeting someone with your husband's permission. That way you can further explore your feelings for women.
     
    #2 pinklov3ly, Apr 9, 2013
  3. browneyedgirl

    browneyedgirl Guest

    Thanks for your reply. Since I have started questioning I've started to hate sex. I'm always thinking. I used to like having sex with him, loved the smell of him. Now I'm so anxious. I should mention I get "sick" feelings around my kids as well...I don't like when people want to get close to me. I want to meet women and hopefully find an answer. But I'm so scared, he's my best friend and I'm so sad to think of leaving him.

    I know that shouldn't stop me, but this is so depressing.
     
    #3 browneyedgirl, Apr 9, 2013
  4. pinklov3ly

    pinklov3ly
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    I think you're feeling overwhelmed so, just breath. Things will be okay, I'm proof of that. I have 3 boys with my ex and everything's okay. I used to feel obligated to raise my kids in the same household with him, but not anymore.

    I also think you're feeling these sick feelings because you want to be free of responsibility. Especially, at the moment since you're experiencing these emotions. Don't feel like you're a bad parent because you're having these feelings because I get them too. I love my kids, but I feel like I kinda took something away from them. And that's to be raised by their father and myself, but they could care less. They are just fine and full of energy. I have them throughout the week and they spend time with their Nana (his mother) during the weekends. I'm not out to my kids yet, but they have met the girl I'm dating. I'm not sure if I'm of much help, but feel free to let it all out. I'm here for you (*hug*)
     
    #4 pinklov3ly, Apr 9, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2013
  5. browneyedgirl

    browneyedgirl Guest

    Thank you this means a lot to me. I get these sick feelings when people get close to me. I was molested throughout my teens by different men. Guys make me extra sick when they get too close.

    I'm not sure who to talk to, I try to speak to my husband and I get overwhelmed because I just picture him with another woman and get sad. But I need to figure this out. I know it will all be ok in the end, but I just can't live like this...I don't know if I want to be with a woman or not. Even women disgust me when they want to get emotionally close. The beginning with both sexes is great (although women I'm a bit more attracted to) but then they both make me wanna throw up.

    I'm working with a therpist, she says its an anxiety disorder, but I'm so lonely :frowning2: and I'm scared to get close intimitly with my husband because I feel like ill miss him more if I leave. I also do get aroused when we are close, and I do like sex with him, but I just feel sick touching him.
     
    #5 browneyedgirl, Apr 9, 2013
  6. browneyedgirl

    browneyedgirl Guest

    I mean I do get turned on when I think of sex with a guy I like it's just that it seems so unnatural or I'm not into it. I am kind of but I only like the penetration with women its like I like their body but touching them turns me off a bit, touching a man's penis does not arouse me.

    I guess I'm scared if I make the wrong choice...

    ---------- Post added 10th Apr 2013 at 11:42 AM ----------

    DO you think I did something wrong? I did/do really like my husband and I am/was attracted to him. I'm so sad and I feel guilty like I lead him on. But I really did enjoy sex with him and I loved being with him. I don't want him to think everything was a lie cause it wasn't. Those butterfly feelings make me wanna kiss him sometimes, but just sex now is so weird.
     
    #6 browneyedgirl, Apr 10, 2013
  7. browneyedgirl

    browneyedgirl Guest

    I am soooo sorry to bring this up again...but I was just wondering what anyone's opinion would be on what to do next? It just seems that I could be with the hottest woman ever, have ok sex but the butterflies and all that just aren't there for women, ever, like never.

    On the other hand the butterflies, excitement etc for men is all there and that turns me on but then it fades fast. I just don't know how I'm supposed to live like this. I don't wanna be going back and forth for the rest of my life or even worse have no relationship or omg have to be with 2 people at once to be happy.
     
    #7 browneyedgirl, Apr 12, 2013
  8. elandra

    elandra
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    Get over your past abuse and then you will enjoy sex
    You seem to be stuck on resentment for both sexes
    So how then can you possibly enjoy sex with either one (male/female)?
     
    #8 elandra, Apr 12, 2013
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