The last few weeks have been a roller coaster. I don't know when I've been more tormented and at the same time I don't know when I've been more alive. I've only talked to a few very trusted people about where I'm at. I have this fear that I'll suddenly wake up and not feel gay one day, so I'm not really making an grand announcements, just a "I think I might be a lesbian." Of course it's never quite that simple because I feel like I have to explain why I'm only figuring that out now at this late date, but I'm beginning to realize that's more my issue than anyone else's. The people I have told keep pointing out to me that plenty of people don't come out until late in life. Also it seems like I'm seeing lesbians just EVERYWHERE! It's like late onset gaydar! LOL I mean of course I can't be sure all these random ladies I pass on the street are gay, but it sure seems like the scales have fallen from my eyes and I'm just noticing that I'm in a town full of lady loving ladies. Little smiles, nods, winks... I don't know how to explain it. I'm still tottering around in high heels and red lipstick but maybe for the first time in my life I'm not afraid of looking women in the eyes and smiling. Or even casually flirting in the middle of the grocery store. (I totally did flirt back and forth with a woman in the middle of the canned soup aisle, it was awesome!) I'm still looking for a therapist and I'd love to find a support group to talk to. There's a lesbian coffee group in my town, but I'm still to scared to go. I'm embarassed about being a late bloomer but I don't exactly want to hide it either, so I don't really know what I would say about who I am and what I'm doing there if that makes any sense? Any way I want to say THANK YOU! If it weren't for all of you and your stories and support I wouldn't be able to do any of this, I would have done the shut down (again) and put it off (again) and found myself a few years down the road questioning (again!) This is the most progress I've ever made in a lifetime of questioning my sexuality and it is entirely because of each of you. So EC, from the bottom of my heart: THANK YOU! (&&&)
Congratulations on all the progress you've made. :eusa_clap It's very inspiring for some of the rest of us "late bloomers."
