32 year old bisexual female- anxious and confused

Ummm... You're only 32, sweetie. I would date a woman your age, but you're not exactly that much older than me. Don't worry.

To be fair, you would find me pretty immature, though. lol

 

Dont worry about labels go with yourself. if you think you should go with the ladies just go for it. just dont be with a guy just because you couldnt be a girl. be with a guy only when you really feel like thats will make you happier.

 

I wondered the same thing when I first kissed a girl. I enjoyed it so much, but I was still very unsure if I'd like sex with women. Truly, I was nearly convinced that if kissing a girl was so spectacular, then sex probably is too. And I was right, lol. Sex shouldn't be about what goes where. It's about what/who you find attractive, how deeply you feel for that person, and how connected you two are. That's what makes sex great.

I used to consider myself bisexual because I still found men attractive, even if I liked women more. But the thought of being with a man does nothing for me. So I now consider myself a Kinsey 4-5. Slightly more lesbian, while still finding men attractive, but having no desire to be with one.

 

Your welcome : )... and think that alone is fine too.. if you dont find anyone you like dont be desperated cause its better to be alone than be with the wrong person. it will save you from
a lot of pain.

 

I wonder why you have announced your (uncertain) sexual self-identity to everyone without even having a girlfriend, but that seems to be the politically correct order today.

Be an empiricist who tries out everything excessively that attracts your attention! In a few years you can choose an adequate label if you still feel a need for that. I have never asked myself what I 'am' and how I can fit in - prefabricated self-identities limit our horizon. Enjoy your freedom and set sail!

 

I came out to everyone (including my parents) as a lesbian before I had ever kissed or had sex with a girl. Some people might not feel comfortable coming out until they've had some experience, but I felt very certain. This was my thought process, and maybe it's nothing at all like yours, but you might find it helpful.

I sort of thought of myself as "probably somewhat bisexual" for a long time but just dated men, because dating men is very easy. They're willing to do everything for you! All you have to do is show up, basically. And I like men just fine, I get along with them very well, and my body is sexually responsive to them. They were very low-stakes and non-threatening to me, because I had never fallen in love with one.

There's a definite disconnect between what my body does and what my brain does when I'm with men. I fled from quite a few first dates when some poor guy tried to kiss me and I felt really turned on but just too grossed out to keep going.

The two guys I had sex with before I came out as a lesbian were just the two guys I hadn't found too disgusting to go all the way with. They were good people and I liked them, and they even got me off, but it always felt like I was having casual sex with a platonic friend. I stuck around because I was like, "If I weren't having sex with this guy I wouldn't be having sex at all, and that's not fair to all the guys who aren't getting any."

When I came out to myself, it was hard to for me to decide how to think about my past experiences with men. Because I was raised to think that sex is mostly for male pleasure and that it was my duty as a woman to make my body available to them, it was hard for me to give myself permission to say that I just didn't like men enough to keep having sex with them.

Here are some ways I knew I liked women before I had any sexual experiences with them:

- I have a long history of forming intense romantic friendships with other girls. I was a promiscuous BFF in school. But I often felt like I wasn't getting what I wanted from them.

I'd be like, "Why aren't you my best friend?" and she'd say, "What are you talking about? We sit together at lunch and I totally said you could borrow my Nick Carter notebook," and I'd say, "I want you to wear my Best Friends necklace and trade middle names with me and then we'll go hide in my treehouse together and everyone will say, 'What are they doing in there?' but we will never ever tell," and she'd be like, "That's weird. You are so weird."

It was very frustrating.

- After I started questioning my sexual identity, I discovered that jerking off while thinking about girls was better than any of the "real sex" I'd ever had with real men.

- I imagined that my boyfriend was a girl while we were having sex once and when we were finished he said, "Man, I am on my game tonight. I have never heard you make noises like that before," and I said, "Heh! Yeah..."

- When I closed my eyes and imagined my ideal future, I was living in an apartment with lots of houseplants and squashy armchairs and a cat. In this fantasy, I was drinking coffee at the kitchen table before work, and when I looked up to see who was sitting next to me, it was a woman. I thought, "I have to know what that's like or I will DIE."

Nowadays I think of myself as "bisexual and homoromanitc." Sometimes people say to me, "Why just have sex with women when you could have sex with both?" I usually say something like, "Because I feel like it's unethical to have sex with people I can't love. That's how people get hurt."


I'd say, if you think you might like women better but you aren't sure, try dating just women for a while. You can even be honest about it. It's totally okay to say, "I think I'm bisexual, but for now I'm only interested in seeing women."

 

I identify SO MUCH with your post. I too live in suburbia with little to no LGBT activity around. I have also identified as bi for a long time, but the only people interested are ever men. I am also asking myself the same, "am I actually a lesbian?" questions.

I don't have much to contribute that is helpful since I haven't figured myself out either, but it might help that there are at least two members of our club