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Loneliness

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Ohana, Apr 15, 2013.

  1. Ohana

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    I came out to my husband a few months ago. This week we are meeting with a mediator to start the divorce process. Friends, family, even my husband, have been very supportive. I feel fortunate in that. But, I still feel lonely. I know I have a long way to go before I'm truly ready for a relationship -- not just divorce, but also learning who I am. It's not just my sexuality I've been hiding, I realize, it's everything in a way. I've spent so many years trying to please everyone around me that I don't even know myself. So, I've got work to do, obviously. But how do you fill that loneliness, how do you find companionship in the meantime? I don't know if that makes sense.
     
  2. greatwhale

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    Going for mediation tomorrow morning myself...

    knowing oneself takes time...and a time of solitude. Most people can't stand being alone, even for a short while, but it has a positive effect if it is used wisely. Start by doing things that please you, it is really the only way to learn who you are. Then work on loving yourself, because this is a prerequisite to loving another.

    Relationships happen, take the time to be ready.
     
  3. Rose27

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    Except for the mediaton part I could just cut n paste your whole post. The support on EC is the only thing right now that makes it alittle less lonley. Hugs.
     
  4. skiff

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    Be sure to avoid the usual mistakes;

    Stress eating
    Stress drinking
    Drugs
    Risky situations

    But seek out safe social settings;

    LGBT support groups
    Therapy
    LGBT hobby/activity groups
     
  5. Rose27

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    Ohana- Hope your feeling better this am. Rose :slight_smile:
     
  6. Ohana

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    Thanks, Rose. Always, it's a mix if feelings. Excited for the future, terrified too.
     
  7. greatwhale

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    It's ok to be afraid, it keeps you alert...and the world needs more Lerts :slight_smile:
     
  8. PeteNJ

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    Leaving a relationship to move on -- its hard. This was the first time I've left a relationship with someone I truly loved and was still friends with (there was no sh*t going on, not like other times when you leave something lousy). And while that makes things easier, its also harder - since its natural to want to continue the friendship, which I don't think is healthy in the moving on part.

    One of the things I read (in a Joe Kort book), is that it's being in relationships that heals, helps you move on. In the past, I've always had a laundry list of things I needed to do -- to be "ready" for a relationship. I didn't do that this time. I jumped right into the pool -- met guys, socialized with them, am dating and having sex with some of them. And I gotta say -- its been eye opening - in a good way.

    I'm clear that I'm not going in looking for a LTR. I'm learning more about what I like and don't like. And I'm making some very good supportive friends.

    I sat at home alone for too long in the past. And I was, in many ways, avoiding who I am and my sexuality by being in a relationship with a woman. I've committed to myself to never do that again.

    That doesn't mean that I'm frenetic about it, that I can't sit with my aloneness, pain, fears, etc. Just that I don't wallow.

    Hugs to all of us. Hang on to the excitement about the future -- its there for each of us to create.
     
  9. greatwhale

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    Thank you for this, Pete,

    I find this interesting, the healing through relationship part...I'm doing that anyway but I always felt like perhaps I should wait...but it does make sense to get out there and make the kind of friends I want to be with.

    I agree, one should not set out to find a LTR, but one should not be closed to the possibility either...
     
  10. Italy or Bust

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    I can so relate to your pain. I feel acute loneliness at times, and sporadic euphoria, too. There is so much that is ending, and what's beginning hasn't really revealed itself just yet.

    Follow the advice about the healthy activities. Post and read here often. This community has helped me a lot. But face time with supporters is also vital. Talk to friends if available, talk to support organizations, and read self help books at the library. What's coming isn't as scary as it may seem at the moment.