Well, we had our first meeting with the divorce mediator. I was feeling pretty good about it going into it, but there was a moment when I broke out with the tears as my husband began explaining that his priority was to make sure I've got the money I need to start off and live a good life on my own. Not that I expected anything different, but I sat there and thought what a good man he is, how deeply he loves me...it's just sad. There isn't another word for it. It's just sad. That being said, I wasn't flooded with doubt and fear. When I've had moments like that these last few months I'd often question if I was doing the right thing. But this time, I simply acknowledged the sadness, feeling confident that moving forward with the divorce, with being out, etc was and is the right thing.
Ohana- Hugs. Proud & envious of your progress. Things went a little backwards re-ending marriage here. Even though I know I am 100% gay was feeling guilty & did something. Yes THAT something that I know gave him hope. CrapCrapCrap!
I know that sad feeling. You're right, there's nothing for it. I'm glad you're feeling good about your decision, though.
I know that sadness, all intermingled with guilt and regret...it will pass, it is in the past and there is nothing to do but look forward. I wish you the best! My mediation on the other hand...I thought it went well, but my soon-to-be-ex is complaining that I lied because, when asked by the Mediator why I wanted mediation, I didn't first say that I wanted to save money. In other words, I am being dishonest because I didn't admit that I am cheap (in her estimation)....I thought I was trying to give her the most I could without giving a big chunk of it to her lawyer...I am dealing with an insane person...
What is the cost difference between a mediator & a lawyer? I know I am going to have to be the one to get legal stuff started. Want to be ready by end of June.
My former wife and I mediated our divorce, both of us had lawyers at our mediators insistence . It's hard work. You put it all in the table and in Pennsylvania, the lad says 1/2 and 1/2, dissent matter who worked hardest, or what's fair . Just divided assists 50/50 period. It really matters that you separate the issues. The emotional elements need to be separate from the business of ending a marriage . Divorce is ending a business partnership. Nothing more , nothing less. Go into your mediation sessions knowing what you intend to accomplish and do not involve your emotions, your mediator ends the co mingling of your debts and assets only, your therapist fixes the emotional mess. Keep the 2 separate
It IS hard to end a marriage Ohana -- and it sounds that you, like me with my last relationship with a woman, it didn't end because you both fell out of love with each other. My former GF, actually, has been pretty pissed at me for distancing myself and not being there for her in the aftermath of our break up (!). For me, the emotional distance is healthy -- we had a great love, but I can't live from that going forward. For her, OTOH, she still needs to feel like we're friends. Perhaps that's possible. But for me, I need to put my focus into my new, out gay life. Keep working with the mediator to work out an agreement that you can work with. Be honest to accept what's rightfully yours. And realize that your husband does feel rejected by you. Be as kind and gentle as you can be -- but not so much that he confuses your empathy for him with romantic love. (yeah, this isn't easy). HUGS /p
