Hi, I'm a 59-year-old man who is out as bi to my wife and about a half-dozen or more friends. I have lately been going through what I guess happens to a lot of bi men (and women) in middle age. I feel as though I have shifted more toward gay than before. Maybe it's a "real" shift, or maybe I'm just being more honest with myself. I'm really not sure which. A gay friend told me not to worry about such abstractions, and of course he's right. I discussed this with my wife a couple of months ago. She had told me earlier in the day that she was losing interest in sex altogether and felt badly about it. After thinking about it for several hours, I decided that this was the right moment to tell her what I had been thinking recently. I could barely believe I was speaking the words, but I did. And it went really well. She smiled and said, "Ha! You just came out." I said, "Yeah, I guess I did, didn't I?" She told me that she thought I was going to come out as gay after my parents died a decade ago. I told her that my parents had never been all that important a factor in how "in" or "out" of the closet I wanted to be. (Although it's true I never told them, and I have never told my brother.) I should mention something here that I find embarrassing. I haven't had sex with another male since adolescence. I largely acknowledged my bisexuality to myself (and a few others) in high school and college, but I was generally too afraid to actually "live" bisexual. I worried that sleeping with men would somehow disqualify me from sleeping with women. I was also worried that I might find I liked gay sex more than straight sex. In other words, I was very afraid of the possibility that I was gay--internalized homophobia. I came very close to sleeping with a man on several occasions, but always withdrew in a panic. So I had sexual relationships with women and looked at a lot of gay porn when I was alone in my apartment. (Happily, there was a bookstore around the corner that had a fairly good selection in the 1970s and 1980s. Ha!) Anyhow, back to my conversation with my wife. I told her more or less everything about my "secret history" in detail. I felt great for about 24 hours, and I think she did too. In fact, she encouraged me to "explore" my homosexuality. I was elated, and felt closer to my wife than ever. I felt our marriage had entered an interesting and possibly exciting new phase of complete honesty, love, and mutual support. But then we both had misgivings. First, I woke up a couple of days later and realized it wasn't entirely true. I still find women very attractive and enjoy straight sex immensely. (It's a funny kind of reversal from when I was younger. Back then, I tried to persuade myself that I was basically straight and just had homosexual fantasies that weren't terribly important. Now I try to persuade myself that I'm gay—my sexual fantasies are about 90% gay these days—then spot an attractive woman and realize I'm still interested in women at some level.) And my wife started to worry that I might end up in a serious relationship with a man and she'd be somehow abandoned. I insisted that I wouldn't let that happen, but she was unconvinced. Now it seems like my "confession" has brought to the surface a number of other problems that hadn't seemed so important before. (On the other hand, she certainly had a lot of interesting new things to tell her therapist! It was old news to mine.) I love my wife very much, and we have built a good life together. I don't want to lose that. I'm not sure what I want at this point. And I'm in something of a holding pattern, waiting to find out what she wants. (And, just to make things more complicated, she has a relationship with her gay male piano teacher that is, for all intents and purposes, a sort of love affair. They talk constantly on the phone, share intimate details about their lives, and so on. In other words, she's already involved with a gay man who's not her husband while I, her gay-ish husband (gay-ish and Jewish) sit home alone with my books, music, dog, and internet porn wishing I could have a relationship with a gay man who is not my husband. (Let's have a vote, people! Don't we all agree that I should be able to be as openly and actively gay as I want?) Isn't life complicated and full of surprises!? I just want to add that I'm glad I joined this site, and I'm looking forward to listening to other men and women trying to sort out their own sexuality.
Hello! Gay and Jewish here, and divorcing. As for your wife sharing intimate details with her gay friend, you can bet she is sharing intimate details about you! I understand the holding pattern, but life (as written in one of King David's psalms) "is as a passing shadow", especially at our age! A decision will most probably be necessary...
Thank you for the welcome, Rose. To Great Whale, oh yes, I'm well aware of the fact that she has probably shared everything with her friend. In fact, I assumed it from the outset and told her I didn't mind. After my little coming out talk a couple of months ago, she seemed genuinely eager to see me come out to others, above all my brother. And I agreed. She also made a comment to the effect that it was "ironic" that the two most important men in her life were gay. (Being a stickler for language, I pointed out that it wasn't "ironic," but oh well.) As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't much matter what people know or think. I have one good friend whose father was in the closet (though my friend and the rest of us all knew it), and so I have been very concerned about telling him. For one thing, I don't want him to think I slept with his father (though god knows I thought about it). One other random comment. Although I am quite sure I am bi, I have been thinking lately in terms of being "gay" and I have spoken about my "homosexuality" with my wife and friends and shrink. After all, that's the part that has been the source of so much anxiety for my whole life. So I'm eager to embrace the homosexual me and not try to distance myself and leave any ambiguity as to the nature of my desires. Also, please call me Bill. I won't break any rules here about exchanging info, but I also don't want to hide behind some vague user name.
Congrats On coming Out Bill!! I hope you, Figure Out what you want to do with your Life and will be happy about it!!!, welcome to empty closets!
I don't find anything embarrassing here. You followed the rules of your society and were a good boy. Excellent! If you deviate too much from the prescribed sexuality you have to face a prison term. You had the choice between a straight and a bisexual life and you choose the straight life, because you were aware of its advantages. What I find strange however is your former fear that you can become gay - you considered yourself as bisexual! Perhaps you didn't understand bisexuality - as a mostly straight biphobic bisexual? Let's see: Bill, you know exactly that you can't call that gay! :icon_wink A very attractive option: You go on living together as best friends and let your respective lovers come and go. Serious relationship with a man - your wife is really an optimist! Because if you get rid of the heterosexual part of your present bisexual identity you can leave your marriage behind you and you are FREE again! You are fascinated by the thrilling homosexual world and want to leave the exhausting heterosexual world behind you as soon as possible. You took off from the heterosexual world but still lack the courage to leave it behind you. Your books, your music and your dog still hold you back, but soon you will arrive at your new destination as a man who claims to be totally GAY! :icon_wink Isn't that a bit opportunistic again? You call yourself 'straight' or 'gay' only to profit from the advantages of these labels though they don't describe your sexual identity. I don't mind that, of course, and 'bisexual' isn't helpful at all in the gay world. Just for the record in case young people wonder why there are so few bisexuals. And conclude that bisexuality doesn't exist.
I don't agree with your assessment, Cougar. I'm not looking to leave "the heterosexual world" behind or heading toward an identity as exclusively gay. And I don't think I'm being opportunistic. Just trying to sort out some lifelong confusion. If I understand you correctly when you describe me as a "mostly straight biphobic bisexual," I think your close to correct, at least as a description of me when I was in my twenties. I wanted to think of myself as straight, and most of the time I did. But just below the surface, I knew I had very strong homosexual desires. And so the argument in my head raged: gay! straight! bi! this or that. yes or no. And as with a lot of people who post here, it drove me crazy. So I would go so far, when I was feeling particularly honest with myself, as to acknowledge that I was bi. And I said so out loud to a few friends. (Only women. I was terrified that I would be ostricized by the straight men I knew.) Other times, I would try to dismiss the whole subject as just some silly neurosis. I would try to interpret my homosexual desires in ways that let me off the hook from being bi, much less gay. (Even as I had copies of Mandate and Blueboy hidden in a box near my bed.) I have very seriously considered the notion that I'm simply gay. I have tried it on for size, but it doesn't quite fit. Every time I start to think that's the case, I see a woman somewhere and have an instinctive response involving sexual desire on some level. I have that with men as well, though less often. I have lately been flirting with both the cute young woman at the bakery and the cute young man at the wine shop. But it's the young man at the wine shop about whom I have fantasized more often and would gladly sleep with if I felt free to do so. As I say in my reply to greatwhale, I make a point of embracing the word gay and of speaking of my homosexuality. Those were the things that terrified me for a long time, that I kept out of sight, and I now want to let out into the open. I was trying to inject a bit of humor at the end of my post when I called for a vote. Out of respect for my wife, I don't want to go into a lot of detail. But I should mention that she's older than I am by more than a decade. One open question is whether her lack of interest in sex is simply biological reality or there's an emotional element we can address. She wrongly thinks that she's no longer attractive. And she has a whole slew of issues of her own that she's trying to deal with after a lifetime of avoiding them, and questions about my sexuality are only part of it. There's abandonment by her father when she was five or so and an incredibly narcissistic mother who went through multiple husbands, showing little love to her children (my brother-in-law lives faraway alone on a boat). My wife retired from work a few years ago and has been a bit lost at sea. Meanwhile, I have been writing a book and had too little time for her. I was busy focusing on my career. So we are both trying to deal with the changes we have been going through. I care deeply about it and don't want to throw away our relationship by going out and having an affair with someone (male or female) at this difficult moment. That's what I meant about a holding pattern. And, yes, we both tempered our initial enthusiasm about my being more out because we recognized that a sexual relationship with either a man or a woman on my part could pose a threat to our marriage. So we're trying to think things through carefully and hopefully come up with something we can both live with. Bill ---------- Post added 21st Apr 2013 at 05:14 PM ---------- Oh, I'll add another point. I live in a part of Hollywood where until recently half our neighbors on our street were gay. One couple moved away and a straight couple moved in. (At least I presume they're straight: one's a man, the other's a woman, and they seem awfully conventional. But who knows?) I have gay friends and gay colleagues and no vision of the "gay world" as thrilling. I know first hand that gay life can be just as boring as straight life.
Hey Bill, welcome to EC! I will gladly announce myself as Jewish here too! We can form a gay/Jewish club!!! Horowitz, the pianist once said, "There are three types of pianists: gay, Jewish, or bad". I hope, being a pianist, that I will only be the first two, even though I know it's possible to be all three!
Thanks, Musician I have been here only a day but I already love it. I'm trying to read a bunch of other people's posts/threads, learn their stories. God, I've never had anyone to discuss all of this with other than my therapist. It's so wonderful to recognize my own experience in so many others. I feel like a kid in a candy shop. Of course, if you read my post, you know that my current nemesis is a pianist, but I won't hold that against you. What sort of music do you play? My wife has been studying a lot of baroque music, which I don't know very well. I enjoy it but I prefer Beethoven. (I'm working my way through Alfred Brendel's full cycle of the sonatas.) My other love, in terms of piano, is McCoy Tyner. A propos your quote from Horowitz, I remember when I was much younger, in the 1970s, I was at some left-wing discussion group and I suddenly thought, "Oh my god, I'm a left-wing, Jewish homosexual! Everything everyone in middle America has been taught to fear." May I "friend" you? I'm eager to chat with others. Bill
Welcome, Bill! Your introduction and follow up are enlightening. I can certainly relate. I find myself still "flirting with the woman at the bakery," too, despite identifying as gay recently. I think it is more habit for me than anything else, but I think I just find PEOPLE attractive, and certainly notice women as well as men. As to fantasy, well that is 95% or better men. Glad you are here.
Glad to have your friendship, Bill. I do classical music. Baroque, Beethoven, and much more. I think McCoy Tyner is great! And Brendel is one of my favorite pianists - charming, detailed, creative, and really orchestrates at the piano. It's funny, and I think it relates to relates to what Italy-or-Bust is saying, but I really have the desire to plow some of my female students too, though I think I'm more gay than bi. I think sex is sex (even with VERY attractive women), though I have an inkling to where my orientation really lies. I guess in my chauvenistic mind or whatever, I just don't have a problem with good sex and friendship, even though I understand there is more to love that I might really find with a guy. But being completely inexperienced with guys, I haven't taken that leap yet. Guess that's what this summer will be for. My girlfriend and I will have some fun socializing and possibly... erm... "socializing".
Thanks, IoB I've read several of your posts, and could certainly relate to a great deal of what I read. When you're ready to head to Italy, let me know.
Sorry Musician: I missed your follow-up post after Italy or Bust's. I imagine I'm supposed to stick to the thread here or something and post other stuff on your wall. But what the hell. I have been reading Maynard Solomon's Beethoven biography, which I think is excellent. (Do you think old Ludwig was deep in the closet? I mean even, especially, to himself? All those unavailable women he kept trying to start something with. And, then, when the Immortal Beloved comes along, he shuts the door. And, a related question: do you think there is a relationship between homosexuality and the arts? I believe there is.) So now I want to compare a few different pianists' takes on the Sonatas, especially the middle and late ones. Brendel, Schiff, and maybe Pollini. Any others you would recommend. Okay now back to the all important question of whether we're all just totally queer or what. I read up on a few of your earlier posts, back to when you first posted. I would say don't write off bi too quickly. I go back and forth about this. I admit that there is something deeply unsatisfying about identifying as bi. At least I find that to be so, which is why I kind of like calling myself gay even though I know I'm bi. Also, I have found that I go through periods of feeling a strong desire for women, then period of fantasizing only about men. And there is something fundamentally different about my attractions. I tend to want to bond romantically with a woman; there's some feminine element that I'm drawn to. That's probably why I'm attracted to men who have a slightly feminine quality, not at all to jocks. When I look at internet porn, I'm immediately turned off by the idea of watching allegedly straight guys have sex. I realized that the cute guy that I have a crush on at the wine shop is somewhat reminiscent of other men I have been attracted to over the years. All of that said, I do feel as though my homosexual desires have come to predominate in recent years. As much as I find women sensual and alluring and take great pleasure in their bodies, I get much more aroused by the thought of a man. To be blunt, my erections are harder; my orgasms are more intense when I fantasize about men. And when I smoked marijuana back in my college days, I would find homosexual fantasies flooding into my consciousness, and I would simply surrender to it and have the most wonderful, revelatory experiences while masturbating, defiantly affirming my homosexuality against the fearful nay-saying of the super-ego. So, having typed that last paragraph, I find it pretty hard to claim to be anything other than homosexual. (I have always felt the adjective homosexual fit me better than gay, although I no longer resist "gay." Really, it seems like I just don't want to let go of the last vestiges of heterosexuality, doesn't it? Maybe because I find it a safe place to hide from the truth, or maybe because of sentimental reasons: as if I don't want to think all of my relationship with girlfriends, to say nothing of my marriage, have somehow been a grand self-deception. (On the other hand, my last few explicitly erotic dreams involved women.) It has dawned on me that over the years I have longed to be outed somehow, so I wouldn't have to find a way to announce it on my own. I had a recurring dream of being in a department store of some sort and finding myself in a section full of gay porn that no respectable department store would carry, and suddenly several people I knew would happen upon me. And I would discover that I was naked with an erection. I told my wife about this dream, and she said that I must have been mortified by the dream. And I replied that, on the contrary, I felt quite liberated by it, thrilled that now everyone knew my terrible secret and it would never be a secret again. I guess I'd be something like a 5 on the Kinsey scale today, whereas I used to believe I was closer to a 2 or, at most, 3. And this was sort of the starting point of my original post: I'm not sure whether my actual desires have changed or I'm just ready to accept the truth now that I couldn't before. That was a long post, and it's past midnight here, and I'm ready to sleep. I have to deal with my editor tomorrow, which has me a little stressed. I was expecting editorial notes a week or two ago, but now she tells me that I won't have then until the end of May and will thus have two months to turn around the final manuscript. Helas! I'm sure I'll have much more to say in the coming days. Cheers, Bill
Hey Bill, that was quite a post! I read some of it this morning, but I had to run out of the house, so now I'm responding since I'm done with the majority of things I planned to do today. First, and most importantly, after much internal struggle about this, I think nobody beats the legend of Schnabel when it comes to Beethoven. He is so fluid and every other positive thing I can describe when it comes to Beethoven. The amazing thing, as a fellow pianist pointed out to me yesterday, is that his recordings were made on wax. It's impossible to imagine how good he was live. Richard Goode is amazing at Beethoven too. Somebody recently posted many of his Beethoven recordings online - which were unavailable until recently (copyright problems?). I believe he has been referred to as the second coming of Schnabel, though I wouldn't quite go that far. But he is absolutely incredible, and does totally different things from him. Richter plays everything well (he's probably my favorite pianist) - I love his op. 111. Solomon is an interesting choice too. He is lesser known, but his Beethoven is really interesting and good. And for an incredible Appassionata sonata, listen to Rubinstein. There is one studio recording that makes me go crazy - I don't know if you can find it on youtube or whatever. But it's in this Rubinstein collection. About Beethoven, you know, I've had that thought too! Makes sense. Also explains why he's so in the box and logical. He doesn't have the flow that many other composers have. My girlfriend hates him for that, but he happens to be one of my favorite composers. Think about this - maybe you'll disagree - what's up with all that heroicism, overcoming in his music? It's so black and white! What's he trying to overcome that's so important? Living his life? I'll draw one more analogy about Beethoven's possible sexuality. He was lonely and wild and crazy. If he was more at peace with himself, he might have been more grounded. My own grandfather had his own insanity - literally. And when the AIDS epidemic came about in the 80's, he developed this OCD where he would have to get tests to convince himself that he didn't have AIDS, and that he was rambling about not having sex with men and stuff in his own internal debate - and it's quite possible he never did. Granted, he was unjustly imprisoned for 8 years in the Soviet Union, and that might have had something to do with his bipolar and all that, but I do wonder sometimes about whether he was repressed, and that having contributed to his illness. And to draw an analogy to myself, I also developed the same OCD and was wondering whether I was turning gay or what the hell was going on. Only with the help of my very gay-friendly therapist, I was able to come out to myself and guess what - my OCD has disappeared pretty much, I am more productive, I don't think I'm mentally ill anymore, and my piano playing has become more fluid, unlike Beethoven's writing, haha. Maybe it's a stretch, but I'll put it out there anyway. Why not. One other thing. Haydn, who consequently was Beethoven's teacher for a little bit, also had lots of logic in his writing. BUT, it was more flowing. It wasn't such stifled writing as Beethoven's. There was fluidity and humor, and a certain gentleness, kind of like being in touch with his true nature. This is from a man whom I believe was genuinely straight. Maybe Beethoven didn't like him because Beethoven could never achieve Haydn's fluidity because he was so repressed? Now, I might be totally stretching it here, but I know how much I hated my teachers because I could never play like my true self. And now, I think I'm more ready to come back to piano lessons, and my playing is more fluid. Who knows, but I find all this to be an interesting theory. About art and homosexuality, I really don't know what to think about that. It's possible. I've heard that before a million times. And so many pianists were gay. Or Jewish. It's almost impossible to find one who were outwardly straight or non-Jewish. Many don't say they're gay, but they don't seem to have women either. Rubinstein was a total player (ran off with the female typist of his autobiography at about 90 years old), but again, he was Jewish. So, it's an open question. If you google Steven Hough (gay) and his opinion on that, he has a nice take on it. That it's possible. Alright, on to your other points. I know I was so turned on by girls in porn before. I think really having a sexual relationship has shown me I'm not completely straight. I guess porn corrupted my thinking. But I was fantasizing about girls anyway, without porn. I think Klein was saying that sexuality can change throughout a lifetime. It's possible. I have just decided to let go of labels and to see where life takes me. If I want to do it with a girl, my pleasure. I love their soft bodies. If I want to be with a guy, I'll do it. If that's my destiny, fine. I will just go ahead and live life, love others (physically too, why not have a grand ol' time), and find out. It's scary, but I think through socializing, I can develop more friendships, relationships, and live my life in a way I haven't even dared to live before. ---------- Post added 22nd Apr 2013 at 08:11 PM ---------- Also, I meant Solomon Cutner, the pianist, not Maynard Solomon. He just goes simply by Solomon as his stage name. ---------- Post added 22nd Apr 2013 at 08:16 PM ---------- Outwardly straight *and non-Jewish
Wow! Just joined this site. Amazing. Was hoping I could find older men struggling with sexual identity and it looks like they are everywhere. What a relief. I know it's not a prerequisite to this forum but on this thread I think I should mention I'm a be-bop piano guy... mainly old west coast guys like, Hampton Hawes, Marty Paitch but I love Horace Silver too, just straight old bop. There, now that my piano leanings are out in the open I've suddenly discovered at the age of 51 and twenty years of marriage that I am..... what? Well first of all, when my wife caught me sending a naked picture of myself to a male masseuse I proclaimed, with perhaps some accuracy, that I was a sex addict. That explained everything at the time. I was addicted to internet porn. I was becoming addicted to male massages and I was thinking about sex, mainly with men, way too much. I agreed to see a therapist for the first time in my life so I could work my way through it and get back to being a fairly unhappy married man and a very happy father. Unfortunately I couldn't control therapy the way I wanted too. My very first session I broke down and cried for ten minutes just because the therapist asked me about my self esteem. 7 months later after going through what I will call a confusing acceptance of the Kinsey Scale and my bisexuality I have now landed on gay. Do I recognize, just as some of these posts have mentioned, that sometimes I believe I am talking myself into being gay when I could very well be Bi? Sure. But sometimes discovery is a slow process of unfolding. As time passes and I allow myself to feel gay - not be gay - but to feel gay it sheds new light on my heterosexual past. Yes. I had sex with women. Not great sex but at the time I thought it was great sex. Sorry ladies. Yes I had passionate sex with my wife. I probably never will again... which is okay because through the lens of my new gay awareness I can see where maybe I didn't have such passionate sex with my wife. We did it. We did it all the time. And it always felt like something I needed to do. She has accused me many times of "not being there." I thought I was there. Part of me was there. Now I get it. For some people on this forum, Bisexuality is a very comforting label and for others it is not. (For a lot of people the word "label" is troubling) I don't think it's fair for anyone to accuse anyone of being what they don't feel comfortable being. I'm running from the bi-sexual label. It makes me feel good to do so. Because I feel gay. There was a little boy once who didn't want to be straight but somehow he felt he had to be. He did it. He over compensated in so many ways and succeeded in so many ways and yet the little boy got trampled by his own denial. Now the boy is back and stronger than the man finally. It turns out he's gay. He wanted to be gay. I want to be gay. Soon I will be out. If I have desires for women, if my head turns to check out a pair of long legs in heels while driving down Hollywood Boulevard I will honor that as the vestige of my old life, but for me, just for me, it's not bi-sexuality. It's just a lifetime of denial. Thanks to everyone for being here. This is great!
Fine. Perhaps you secretly think that it is even more boring? I write about the world of thrilling sexual encounters with men, not about gay life in general or the gay infrastructure.
Hi and welcome to EC! I'm glad you've found this place. It certainly helped me come to terms with my orientation - and I expect it will do the same for you. The fact that the initial discussion with your wife went so well is great. The fact that it has raised follow up questions and concerns is totally natural. You've both been maintaining a status quo for a long time, and this disclosure threatens to upset that. Keep communicating honestly and positively with each other. You'll eventually figure it out. Keep in mind that the more open and honest you become with yourself, the more you might come to recognize that the status quo really does need to change. You've opened a bit of a pandoras box here, and there's no closing it. You'll just have to see where it takes you. But if my life is any indication, while there might be some bumps in the short term, the long term will be rosy. I'm far happier now than I've ever been in my life - because I've found someone who I love completely, and I'm being the authentic me. Welcome!
Cougar, Once again, I don't quite see your point. Yes, I want to have sex with men. That's kind of the point here, isn't it? Behind this unassuming, apparently hetero exterior is hidden a queer who wants to spend his days and nights sucking cocks and getting topped by good-looking men. I still have some desire for women, but lately I have been hovering more toward the 5 or 6 mark on the Kinsey scale. So, bi or gay? Who cares? ---------- Post added 23rd Apr 2013 at 03:08 PM ---------- Thank you, Jim. I'm very glad I found this site. It has already helped a great deal, especially talking to other married men. I have been in the closet for many, many years, terrified by my homosexuality but secretly wanting to come out. (Actually, I think I secretly wanted to be outed by someone else, so I wouldn't have to say it myself.) Now I want to be completely out. My wife and I have much to sort out, and only some if it has to do with my sexual orientation. In a sense, she has known for years and been as much in denial about it as I have been. Neither of us wanted it to be true. I hope we can find to make it work with me being openly whatever it is I am (bi/gay/whatever). As I said, only half-jokingly, in my initial post, she already has a gay boyfriend. Now I want one too. Best, Bill ---------- Post added 23rd Apr 2013 at 03:08 PM ---------- Thank you, Jim. I'm very glad I found this site. It has already helped a great deal, especially talking to other married men. I have been in the closet for many, many years, terrified by my homosexuality but secretly wanting to come out. (Actually, I think I secretly wanted to be outed by someone else, so I wouldn't have to say it myself.) Now I want to be completely out. My wife and I have much to sort out, and only some if it has to do with my sexual orientation. In a sense, she has known for years and been as much in denial about it as I have been. Neither of us wanted it to be true. I hope we can find to make it work with me being openly whatever it is I am (bi/gay/whatever). As I said, only half-jokingly, in my initial post, she already has a gay boyfriend. Now I want one too. Best, Bill ---------- Post added 23rd Apr 2013 at 03:12 PM ---------- The page timed out, so I ended up hitting the reply button twice. By the way, Jim, I lived at Yonge and Saint Clair in 1967, when I was 13-14.
My (ex)wife took a similar approach to your's. We should all have wives like we do! Being Jewish myself, I think our culture's obsession with children and having them kept many of us in the closet. I wanted to come out in my early twenties, but stupidly believed that would mean I was to never have kids.
