Hi everyone. I'm 47 male who has always had an attraction to women. Since teen years I've found myself attracted to guys as well but you always hear "that's normal from time to time" However, as years went on I found men more and more attractive. For years would question why. I hit what I consider that "curious" stage but never acted upon the desires until a few years ago. Being attracted to both I wondered could I be bisexual. I guess from fear or something I never ventured beyond that "wonder" until recently where I did much soul searching and come to the realization that yes I am bisexual. I have also started looking deeper and realizing that many of my relationships with women in the end turn out more as friendships and my desires towards men continue to grow as those towards women have eased. So I guess I'm back at a "questioning" stage of am I bisexual or gay. It was freeing when I first admitted to myself about bisexual but it felt even greater of that freeing when I admitted out loud to myself I think I'm not bisexual but that I'm gay. As I work on those distinctions I'm left with do I keep them my secret since I know those around me would find it hard to accept. At my age keeping it to myself may be the best for everyone. I was glad to find this site so I could for first time write and say it out loud.
Hi and welcome to EC! It may be better for everyone to keep it to yourself...except yourself! Take your time among us, there is much to learn and think about...
HI JJ, You are now among friends who know exactly what you are talking about. Some of us have accepted that we are gay (greatwhale, for instance) and some of us have been circling around the question (me). I change what I think from day to day, hour to hour. The killer here is the whole business of labels: "bi" or "gay." Those labels are pernicious mind traps. For me, I am accept more and more that, at this stage in my life, my primary sexual attraction is to men. I don't know whether that's always been true and I have just deceived myself, or my sexual desires for women were once the main attraction. But it really doesn't make much difference, does it? I now want to sleep with men, not women. So what do I do? I'm trying to free myself from the worries about what everyone will think, but it's still there. I know that they will gossip about me, speculate about my past, suppose I've been faking it with my wife, and god knows what else. But I know that's a pretty stupid reason to deny myself my true sexuality. Bill
Bill, Reading your post I felt like that is me! All my sexual fantasies and desires anymore center around men. Where when younger my fantasies during "self gratification" was women, once in a while I'd close my eyes and find myself thinking of guys. It got more and more that way til I can't remember the last time I was thinking about a women during that. Hearing your similar story really helps. I also liked your views on "labels" I believe this forum really lets me express my thoughts and I know there are people like you giving me great things to think about and accept that what I like is just that what I like.
I'm glad this is helpful. I posted a bit of my coming out story in this forum. "What took me so long. Oh yeah, I'm married." If you read that you'll get to know more about my situation and see how you relate to that. But I'm only one of many in this forum with very similar stories. Hearing them has been hugely important to me, even after years of therapy and trying to be nonchalant and semi-out as bi. I see how far I still have to go, regardless of what label I use.
