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Other people's gaydar

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by mariebmcd, Apr 24, 2013.

  1. mariebmcd

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    Since the fall I have even questioning my sexuality. I have been kind of curious if others have picked up on this... Anyways, more recently my supervisor, who happened to be a gay male in his early 40s has been making jokes about getting a new toaster. At first I ha no idea what he was talking about but after having looked it up I realize that joke he is making about getting another gay in the office. Don't get me wrong the doesn't bother me, and it doesn't lead me to file any sort of grievance but it does make me wonder if be has picked up on my tendency to lean towards being bisexual... How good are others gaydar w lith bisexuals?

    The reason I ask us because I can't figure out if he is trying to be funny or if he is intentionally trying to open a door for me to speak with him... Thoughts?
     
  2. greatwhale

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    It's possible...does he interact with you a lot? In other words is he able to spend time with you and see where you're looking and who you're looking at, etc.?
     
  3. Italy or Bust

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    I have had a good number of people tell me they always had thought I was gay until they heard I got married to a woman. Now that I am coming out to them, they are telling me how surprised to hear I was straight, and are glad to know I'm really gay, as they suspected originally.

    Some people are really in tune! Others still seem surprised when I come out to them.
     
  4. wrhla

    wrhla Guest

    When I was a freshman in college, I was going out for an evening with woman I had known for years. I stopped by the little restaurant where she worked to pick her up. As we were driving away, she told me that a couple of guys who worked with her and were closing the place said to, about me, "he's a fag." I laughed. She said, "Well, are you?" And I answer, "Yeah, a little bit, I guess." Well, it turned out that she was starting to think of herself as bi as well, so we had an entertaining evening. But I have wondered, How did they know? Did they really see something in me? Or was it just that I wasn't a macho type, that I looked intellectual and they thought all intellectuals were "fags." (Are we?)

    Of course, that wasn't about gaydar. Or was it? Maybe they were all in the closet too.
     
    #4 wrhla, Apr 24, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 24, 2013
  5. Gaysibling

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    Even some straight guys have gaydar, though they don't always know what it is they are picking up on.

    My last partner ( who frankly was a camp as a row of tents... at least by the time I knew him) had been married, to a woman, long before I ever met him. After his marriage ended, the next time he went back to the UK he came out to a whole lot of friends from university. He said that a number of his straight male friends made comments along the lines of: " You used to get on with my girlfriend better than I did, but I never felt worried or threatened by it... now I understand why".
     
    #5 Gaysibling, Apr 24, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2013
  6. mariebmcd

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    Okay so is gaydar just as good for identifying bisexuals?

    And is he opening the door for me to come out to him or just being silly with the toaster jokes?
     
  7. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi,

    I label it "intuition" and it has broader implications than simply gaydar.

    In my opinion we tie into the environment as a animal based survival adaptation/skill. Those who learn to use it consciously label it as many things.

    There are pieces of geography that give me negative vibes for no visible/rational reason.
     
  8. Biotech49

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    I had been friends with a few ladies on facebook (went to high school with them) but they didn't really know what I looked like. I saw this couple at Target and went up and said hi. They didn't recognize me. They told me later, before I told them I was a lesbian that they identified me right away. Yes, I dress like a soft butch and always have. Several friends from way back have also told me that they had a feeling about me. My boyfriends/husbands would probably also identify me as a lesbian because I just wasn't into them. I was with guys because religion demanded I must.

    Getting around to making eye contact with women I think are cute, whether they are lesbians or not. LOL
     
  9. mariebmcd

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    Yes we interact quite a bit. I am just under full time hours and we share an office space. We also tend to go to lunch a few times a week with other professionals/grad students. I really think he's picked up on my discomfort... I've been playing into his commentary a little bit but things are just odd. I would love to disclose to him but I feel like its an awkward situation...

    I also have a huge crush on a coworker (different department) which my supervisor knows about. He's a friend of his and this is a heterosexual interest so I feel like it complicates things a bit. I don't want to turn my potential crush off... However I really would like to disclose my feelings to my supervisor as I feel he could serve as a mentor to me.
     
  10. PeteNJ

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    I am astonished by how many of my boyhood friends, all the way through high school, are gay.

    Didn't know it at the time of course. But clearly we gay boys hung out together - and were drawn to each other, even before we'd ever dealt with our sexuality.

    Is that gaydar? At least in part I'd say.