Okay...Saturday I came to the conclusion that I am gay. Sunday I freaked out. Monday I told my therapist, felt good. Tuesday-Wednesday, too busy to worry. Today, where am I going to find someone willing to try a lesbianic virgin a try? If I didn't fell straight guys liked me....what makes me think I will find girls who will like me? I feel confident I need to explore this... I know that early indications suggest a positive result, but am I fooling myself? Unless I am in a bigger city, is there really anyone out there for me? What if it is not about sexuality? What if it is just about me not being acceptable of being loved?
Of course you're crazy RoseStar. People who live in the closet and deny themselves what they really want go crazy. There's a lot of bargaining with oneself that goes on as we get closer to acknowledging the truth. I'm assuming that you didn't just jump to the conclusion that you were gay before asking yourself whether you were attracted to women. Did you? Did you just wake up one day and say, I guess I'm gay? I very much doubt it. People don't go looking for this kind of problem. They have it thrown in their faces. Yesterday, I said I was pretty sure I was bi. Today, I pretty sure I'm gay. I suspect I'll go back and forth over this as I try to accept the reality.
What makes anyone think there's someone out there for them? Um, because there are tons of people out there looking for someone? Because you're a worthwhile person? This isn't like the job market, where the fact that lots are looking means you're less likely to find; the more people there are looking, the better your chances of finding someone. But we're not at our most attractive when we are down on ourselves or questioning our self-worth. So I suggest working on that first. After that, there are plenty of women who would be interested, and many don't have requirements that you be sexually experienced. Some would even consider that a plus. In the nearterm, though, remember: you've been married for a while, not having to worry about where you're next partner is coming from. So you have just plunged from "ultimate" security into deep uncertainty. Uncertainty is never comfortable. So if you're feeling really shakey right now, there are damned good reasons for it. Take a deep breath, and prepare to progress to a more positive place. Then make that progress.
This new adventure-life is terrifying but last night I realized I don't have a choice. If I end up alone at least I will be living in truth.Maybe I'll get a big dog to keep me company. Tired of being depressed. Getting too old to be putting on a strait show. If I continue there will be nothing left of me. Hugs- Rose
^^^SO TRUE! Our brains over process, over think, over rationalize who we have ALWAYS been, with who and what we were always expected to be! Once you are out of the closet, not only is there lightness and peace, there is so much energy and creativity available for the rest of your life. It won’t happen immediately, ending a relationship, moving on takes energy, too. But there will come a point and you probably won’t recognize who you can be! Get a dog then. Or cat, or whatever. Its really nice to have that love. But I’m going to suggest a dog. And you walk that doggie multiple times a day. You take the doggie to places where you might meet other single women. Do not spend your days sitting on the sofa with a blanket and the dog. Don’t use the dog as a reason to not go out. If you want the company of other women, both as friends and possible lovers, you are going to have to put yourself out there!
So its the dog! Lol. Your not alone in your feelings, you just have to believe it will be ok because you will be.
When I came out and broke up with my boyfriend of four years, I wanted so badly to summon up some incarnation of Future Me and ask her, "Am I making a mistake? Is this a bad idea?" I've been thinking about this a lot lately because now I am Future Me and I'm wondering what I would say to Past Me. I don't even know. I think it would start with, "Oh my god, Past Me, you have NO IDEA how awesome your life is about to get. I can't even explain how awesome." Even if it's hard now, you'll probably look back on this someday as one of the best things you've ever done.
I want some AWESOME too!!!!! ---------- Post added 27th Apr 2013 at 06:24 AM ---------- PeteNJ- I like big dogs so will HAVE to get out for exercise & me too. Hey- how did you know I'm a couch n blankie girl? Not even sure I'll get a tv.
You don't need a big city to find a date! I live in a small town full of rednecks, KKK, Country boys, and blacks. I am here to tell you the past 8 years of living here I have been hit on a lot. On occation I have even been shocked at who wants me. I always conduct myself as a lady first off, and am a caring, giving, kind, open, and always approachable happy to serve. In my case, my life is in the Lord's hands as I trust Him to provide all I need. Since I am a devout Christian. Men are just drawn to me like flies. They see something special in me that no girl in their life can compare to, not some weird guy who thinks he is a girl. Hold yourself to high standards and you will be noticed. Then take your pick of what comes your way. It has always worked for me. June
