Well, EC is basically for feeling whiny and needy. At least anytime I post threads in the support forums, that's how I feel. :lol: In all seriousness though, everyone needs a break from time to time. Take care of yourself! We'll be here when you feel ready to return.
Hi Rose. I understand. It's pretty addictive to talk be able about all of this stuff with people who understand exactly. And so I have been spending too much time here, whether I have something to post or not. But don't stay away for long. You're an important voice in the mix for me. Bill
I've had plenty of whiny moments, many of which recently have not made it to a post here. Note that my status thing has been locked to "Depressed" for about 2 weeks now... It's not a constant thing, but I change it, and the next day change it back... This may be just me, but I think all this is a sign that there are things that need to change in my life. Your mileage may vary, of course. In any case, best wishes, and hope to "see" you again!
It is so nice to see that, once again, i'm not the only one who feels like this. But seeing this, part of me kinda doesn't want you to take a break but I get it so I hope you come back better than ever.
Thanks for the love friends! This has really been a WTF kind of day of my own making. I know I need this outlet for emotions no one else but you guys understand but same time I want to shut down all these intense emotions. My addiction is food. Lost a bunch of weight over a year. It occurred to me I might go back to stuffing food like I used to stuff emotions if I don't have this outlet. Not healthy. And yes I admit I would miss Y'all. Hugs Rose
Well, Rose, everything in moderation, as they say. You need a well-balanced diet of fruits, vegetables, dairy, and friends coming out of the closet together. BMC77: I'm sorry to hear that you have been depressed. Is it all about coming out? Or are there other, complicating factors? This business of coming out is certainly an emotional roller-coaster, from elation to panic and denial then acceptance and so on. I think I have reached a place where I'm simply at peace with it. I'm sure there will be more moments of WTF?
Elation to panic... Last night an old gay lover telephoned me. He had been drinking and was doing homework for his therapist. He wanted to know what I thought he physically enjoyed sexually when we were together. I took the phone upstairs. I answered his question after asking why the heck he didn't know this already. Oops! My 20 year old who just moved home from univ the day before was in the next room, doors open. I was shocked! I did not die. I did not not curl up in a ball in the fetal position. Six months ago that would have had me in an utter panic. Panic passes and you don 't even notice.
Hi all, I just got off the phone from talking with my therapist. I had called and left a message for him this morning, since it's another week before my next appointment. When he called back, I started to talk about how great I felt and how my wife was on board and so. But it turned out that he didn't hear much of my message other than "I have decided to let go of the self-delusion." So he didn't quite know what I was talking about and I had to start from the beginning: "I came out as gay a couple of days ago." I told him about how important EC had been for me and how I recognized a lot of the same self-bargaining or confusion etc that I had, etc. Then I asked him, "I mean, haven't you thought this for awhile? That I'm gay?" He said "a couple of years now." Actually I think it has been 7 years since he first brought up the idea. But whose counting? Before talking to him, I had run down to the car wash in West Hollywood, the world's gayest car wash. Walked to s nearby store while I waited for my car, bought a rainbow pin and stuck it on.
It's mostly other issues in my life. It seems like everything is coming at me at once. Although one sexual orientation issue is that I feel stuck where I am. Particularly in that I feel that I can't afford to be totally out yet, and no idea when that the day I can be out might come...if ever. I also keep seeing happy couples out in public, which depresses me as I face a weekend--and probably more--alone.
BMC77, You're only 42; you could have another 42 years ahead of you. Do you want the next 42 to be the same as the first 42? Or out and unashamed? You are entitled to be as happy as anyone else.
BMC77- Sometimes everyday is a battle w/darkness but if you look closely in this journey we are going thru there is also little bit more light everyday if you chose to see it. In the past my meltdown drama that started this post would have led to me to shutting down from something that is helping me. I decided to show no mercy to the depression and fight for my happiness. + all the support EC friends posted made me see I am not alone. BTW its really early am so hope this makes sense. I am taking a leap of faith that it will be ok I know what you are feeling re- seeing happy couples. In a few months I'll be alone in an apartment too. It will be great time to work on all my crap- nothing like self spring cleaning so I will be ready when I do meet someone. I'll be emotionally healthier. The plus is (and I can't believe I'm saying this ) is being by myself I will not always have to beholding everything in because I don't want child to see me falling apart. Its necessary to healing process. Hugs Rose
"If following your heart's desire seems crazy but not following it is becoming more and more difficult with every passing week or month or year, your choices come down to taking a leap of faith or living with the regret of never having tried. Wouldn't you rather jump?" Martha Beck I subscribe to her free daily quote. Glad I started this thread but next time I feel that low I think I'll try a hot bath until I'm pruney.
