As I am increasingly moving away from living the straight life I have been in for so many years I feel more isolation/alienation from my world. I've been in my job for the last 23 years and been eating lunch with my most of my buddies for that period of time, sharing both good and bad news about family, life in general, anger with administration, etc. I thought I was close with these people in some way but I realize now that they don't know me at all, because I haven't let them. I'm not out to them and not planning to be just yet so everyday I go into work and sit at lunch thinking I'm not really part of this world. It's the same in the rest of my life, I have three close friends and my wife I've dislcosed to but I don't get to see these friends often. Right now I have no gay friends. So once I've decided to move way from self-deception, I'm no longer part of the fake straight life I worked so hard to create but I haven't transitioned to a new life which I really need to do. The isolation is really hard and I am grateful that EC exists because this has been a place for me to speak some.
Hi, What about Meetup groups in NYC geared to "gay (insert hobby/interest)"? It can be searched by zip code. These are not meat markets (some may be) but social groups. Dinner club, movie club, paintball, you name it. http://www.meetup.com/cities/us/ny/new_york/
After finding EC.. the next step is to find some real gay friends ... seriously .. it will make a HUGE difference to your life
Don't forget, you are still human. Just because you are discovering your gay side, doesn't make you different from straight people. We all still have plenty in common -- even though it feels very 'us vs them'. It only feels as if we are aliens trying to pretend to be human -- remember 3rd Rock from the Sun? I assure you, you belong just as much as they do!! Don't ever think you don't. If/when you decide to 'come out' completely, over time, you'll see ...especially in a place like NY -- although I've never been there, but I imagine it to be more aware of our human-ness than rural America does (I hope).
I get your feelings. I have come out to my wife and a close friend. I am now separated from the wife, and I feel like I am worse off now then I was then! I feel isolated and fake, and even as I rebuild my "new" life without my wife, it is another fake life, and my friends think I am adjusting to life as a divorced man. I don't know any gay men and the small rural town I live in, well let's just say that if there are any more like me, they are keeping it just as quiet as I did. I told my buddy last night that I am "Lost in Transition". I'm stuck. SOOOOOOO I get what you are saying, I totally understand how you feel and I want you to know that I respect you and appreciate your note. It made me realize that I am not alone. I hope that you will seek out some friends, and someone to help you. It appears that I am going to have to move in order to get that. I am just tired of being alone. I would give almost anything to have someone hold me a while and tell me that it will all be ok.
Yes - there is this transition period that is awkward. Eventually I was really relieved to come out to my coworkers, boss, employees, kids, extended family, friends, etc. I was living 2 lives, and I didn't feel entirely whole in either of them. Merging the two into one life again was awesome. Hopefully you'll get there soon too.
Hi pnattmbtc: I appreciate your feedback a great deal. Sounds like we're in similar places emotionally. Every afternoon, after work I have this really strong feeling, a physical need, to be held. Hoping to get there.
I will say this - work friends are important you spend 8 plus hours a day with these folks. I hadn't thought about how might react - some were hurt by the news - feeling that I didn't value our friendship enough to be honest. All good now- just took some talking but I say this to say, don't under estimate the importance of work friends.
