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Husband pissing me off!!!!

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Rose27, May 9, 2013.

  1. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    After tonight's phone guilt trip from husband re-his busy "single" Dad day really pissed off. Gee he had to go food shopping after picking up son & cook dinner. Same man who once said it did not matter if he spent time with infant son because he wouldn't remember it. Said former 7 year porn addiction was a "non-issue" in marriage -Nothing negative he did counts as destructive towards marriage because I'm gay.
    FTS!!!!
    And no way in hell I want In laws to help me move as was suggested by husband who thinks they might surprise us & not be the racist homophobes they have always been. They are the most homophobic people.
    Thats my bedtime rant. Goodnight all! (unless i'm too pissed off to sleep) :tantrum:
     
  2. EddyG

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    Wow that really sucks, sorry Rose. It's good to get those rants out before bedtime though, hope you had a nice sleep and some sweet dreams!
     
  3. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Feel guilty about the meltdown as husband has really worked hard the second half of our marriage to be a good husband -father . Do "secretly" care how things play out with in-laws. I do love them-
    Just feeling extra vulnerable this am/weekend.
     
  4. elandra

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    By acting like this he is making it clear

    That all you ever were was a maid to him and his kids.
     
  5. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    I like you better angry rather than being a doormat!

    Man! What a transition! From whimp to tigress in days.

    Your son is lucky!
     
  6. Ohana

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    I agree! Rose, keep standing up for yourself. Fight for your son. You've done nothing wrong. Your husband is obviously hurting and lashing out. Realize that it is his stuff to deal with, not yours. Don't be his punching bag.
     
  7. Jim1454

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    Remember that this is a transition for your husband as well - and while the things he's struggling with might seem trivial to you, they are a challenge for him. It was a big adjustment for me to start grocery shopping and plan meals. My kids ate cold ham and steamed broccoli every other Friday night for a long time before I expanded my repetoire.
     
  8. wrhla

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    I agree with skiff and Ohana that it's great to hear you take command, though Jim is surely right that you'll have to expect a certain amount of anger, resentment, and acting out from your husband, Rose.

    I feel that my wife is justified to be upset that I denied so long that I was gay when she asked me outright. I know that I was denying it to myself above all and didn't feel I was lying to her, but I can see in retrospect why she withdrew from me sexually and that I sort of let it happen because I was secretly relieved not to engage in straight sex when I was actually thinking about men.

    We don't intend to hurt people when we come out, but it's sort of inevitable that we will. We, and they, have to deal with the consequences, as painful as they are.

    Bill
     
  9. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Rosé,

    What if you taught your son some simple meal plans to help his dad. This would be time well spent on many levels.

    With my boys I made them responsible for one meal a week.

    Training came in handy for all.
     
  10. BMC77

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    Cooking is a good basic life skill to have. It's not healthy doing the standard American thing of pop a frozen dinner into the microwave, and nuke it.

    Another good skill to learn is laundry.

    Do it right, and your son will have good basic skills, and you'll have slave labor, er, help when he's at your place!
     
  11. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Skiff & BMC 77 - Husband is a great cook as is my lil chef (son) but we fell into these roles.
    Got home -house clean. Re-custody I'm still thinking m-fr afternoon husband. & me fri-Sunday & school holidays/summer....
    No rentals here & school good.
     
  12. Stoical

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    It's true. I wish I had basic cooking skills, haha. But BMC is right, you can get free labor, and he can get skills he'll enjoy later on in life. Win-win, right? :icon_wink
     
  13. PeteNJ

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    Rose,

    Have to tell you -- that when I broke up with my GF, the fact that I came out as gay, essentially mitigated every other factor in the demise of the relationship. Suddenly she had no fault at all and actually got nasty.

    Yes, it sucks.

    All the best -- HUGS

    Pete
     
  14. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Was told last night had I not given him the house he would have fought foe sole permanant custody out of spite. Mediation off. FTS MFAH!!
     
  15. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Pete,

    You are correct. That admission cuts off every avenue. There is no talking. There is no hope of resolution. You remove the ground from beneath their feet. They are cornered and helpless.

    What do animals do when corned and helpless? They can roll over or get nasty. Fight or flight.

    We see both things here on EC.
     
  16. greatwhale

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    My soon-to-be-ex also pulled this shit on me, started mediation then cancelled it...the lawyers are happy.
     
  17. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Oh "Its on"- In my situation I can go quietly ugly & if he wants the house he will have to give me everything I want. I will have to pay for both lawyers but I will do it MY way. No mercy. Yah-dormant bitch coming out. I don't play games. I was trying to be fair and not going to "take" son out of spite but if house is more important to him I have to think about that. Heart really broken.

    ---------- Post added 11th May 2013 at 06:52 AM ----------

    Yah not liking me right now. I don't want to be a bitch its not who I am. I was blindsided by all this. Pay backs a bitch? (re-telling him I'm gay) So lost. And messed up.
     
  18. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Is this shift or a shift influenced by your in-laws?
     
  19. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Not yet-That craptasticness happens Monday.

    ---------- Post added 11th May 2013 at 08:35 AM ----------

    Have to refocus for talk with son later. I am so blessed to have my EC friends-family. Would be in bad shape w/o your support these past weeks.(since day 1 here)
     
  20. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Now have 7 weeks to move out. Really. Giving him the house & child support and....he is going to be an asshole "so he can heal. fuckthatshit. He can pay for his own lawyer. Yup. No more feeling guilty. He said if he didn't get the house he would have fought for sole custody out of spite. Fighting the dark side of the force now. Don't want to go bitter & mean. What do I do?

    ---------- Post added 12th May 2013 at 12:18 AM ----------

    There is more. So he forced me to tell son before school is out is outing me to a whole fucking town(s) basically. And said I knew when were dating that his ------ is the most important thing to him. (not his son).
    And said if after a while away he saw me all hot he would be pissed. (nothing wrong with my body) He is pissed that I lost weight and then left him. Gee when the first 7 years of marriage you spend more time w/internet porn than your wife (& son) do you really think she wants to look hot for you?

    ---------- Post added 12th May 2013 at 12:27 AM ----------

    That's it done with rant.
     
    #20 Rose27, May 12, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: May 12, 2013