I have not exactly decided that I am a lesbian. I am not straight, and I guess that is good enough. But how do you explore what you want if you do not...well, explore? Except I never really learned how do to this. I was never any good at meeting new people. I am pretty oblivious when it comes to that kind of thing. I have no clue how to flirt, I can't tel is someone is flirting. You are supposed to learn all this in your teens and 20's, but I never did. So I am at even more of a loss of what to do, and how to do it.
I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you shouldn't try to put rules on an abstract. Saying you should have learned this all in your teens is not exactly correct. Many people these days are discovering themselves later in life and they are just as much a part of the community as those who knew since they were kids. You have to look inward towards yourself. As and answer honestly. Am I a lesbian? Am I sexually, romantically attracted to females? Look for that gut response and you'll have your answer. Practice doesn't always make the woman what she is. It's that moment of knowing and you'll get there. Just be yourself and examine that self and you'll find your answer. Foxface
I mean literally, now what. I have no clue how to meet people, men or women. I never really figured out the rules of dating, which most people have figured out at least an outline in their 20s. Not me. I have no clue how to flirt, or how to tell if someone is flirting with me. I am so oblivious when it comes to relationship things that I need it spelled out for me. I don't like bars, and I have a hard time in new social atmospheres. It is a little pathetic, though most of my friends think it is funny.
Not pathetic at all Arizona. I'm with you on this one. I dated guys, married two, never quite felt right about all of that the whole time. I don't know how to flirt with girls because I never had that shown to me. My lesbian friends give me advice but it is something I have to figure out for myself in the long run. I am interested in a "gold star" lesbian (never been with a guy) and I feel like such a newb. I haven't really asked her how she feels about that and I'm afraid to ask, honestly. I do know that eye contact has a lot to do with it. I've experimented with that a little and it's actually kind of fun. Hold on to a gaze just a little longer than you would with a normal look. Either you get a "run away" look back at you or somebody smiles back at you. Good practice anyway. I don't like bars either. I would feel kind of cheap in a place like that to be honest. :eek: Walk confidently, walk with a purpose, gain some "can do" attitude. I'm still working on all three but I imagine I will get there eventually. When you feel like you have been on the outside looking in for so long it is not easy to break into a totally different lifestyle. (*hug*)
Hi Arizona-- It's funny--I just had a discussion very much like this with my therapist today. I came out to her today--the first person I've ever told--and I told her much the same thing as you wrote in your post. Like biotech49, I have never been good at meeting people. When I was single (married to a man at the moment), I didn't even know how to meet men--how the heck am I supposed to meet women? Biotech's advice seems sound (thanks for that--I'll use it as well). In addition, my therapist and I talked about using social groups you're already a part of to meet people--both gay and straight. Places like church (if you go) or other groups you're already a part of (book group, tennis league, etc.). Work can be a little dicey, depending on where you work, but it might also be a possibility. And on-line dating sites might be worth a look. She cautioned me, though, saying that the rules of attraction are no different--gay or straight. There's no magic way to meet other women, just like there's no magic way of meeting men. And some women will be available, others will not; some you will like, others you won't--just like with men. I say all of this without any experience of my own--I'm only passing along what seemed like good advice from a therapist I trust a great deal. I hope it helps a little. --Zoe
Wow, I can't believe I just wrote that 4 days ago. I feel like it has been so much longer. Probably because I have been working a lot and packing way more than 8 hours of work into the day. I met someone! I met her through work, but we don't work together, or will probably rarely if ever see each other in a work environment. Then it turns out we both go to this thing on Mondays. On SUnday we met up and went for coffee. We talked for almost 2 hours, unfortunately she had a previous engagement and so did I. I have the biggest crush. She is 26 and we have so much in common. I saw her again tonight for something else, and we ended up talking for hours again. I want to ask her out. But I have never asked anyone out. There is a nominally work related fundraiser dinner tomorrow night. We will see each other again. I want to ask her for drinks or something. I will probably freak out and not. Remember when you could just pass someone a note that said "do you like me? check yes or no"? Man I miss that...
Great news, Arizona! Now, please don't freak out. She's obviously into you, too. I wouldn't be surprised if she asked you out for drinks before you even have a chance to. Stay strong and ask her out. And let us know how it goes. --Zoe PS. Yes, I do remember those notes. You're showing your age, dear.
Oh boy. After the fundraiser, we walked up and down the street, talking until midnight. She left town Thursday and came back Tuesday. Then Friday, my friends and I have a standing dinner thing. We get together, cook, catch up on the week and swim in the pool or hang in the jacuzzi. She came to that. Monday there was a fundraiser for a group I belong to, and Hot Artist Chick was flirting with me, even I realized it. And if I hadn't, I think when she asked me for my phone number, that was a clue. So at dinner Friday, a friend asked me about Hot Artist Chick, and this girl wanted to know all about it. When I showed her a picture, she had a bunch of reasons why it wasn't a good idea. Most of them stupid, really. I said that I didn't really care, being flirted with was a boost to my ego. 4am and we are still taking. She stayed the night (on my couch) and we spent hours the next morning talking. About nothing really, just talking. Anyway. Saturday we went to see Star Trek, me, her and another friend. After the movie the other friend went home and she and I watched the sun come up. Then I went home, and we spent the entire day together. Again, just talking and hanging out. Nothing really important. We went to dinner, and went back to her place. By 9pm, I said I had to go. I have to work the next morning, and couldn't afford a third day in a row where we watched the sun come up. She was disappointed that I was leaving. Friday, we both took the day off and are going camping with a group of people. But we are going up Friday early to snag the camp site. I don't know what will happen. BUt ya, I think she is into me. Now I just have to figure out how to do something about it.:icon_bigg
I think it sounds quite fun Maybe she will want to share a tent with you (that is if your using tents) but if she did that would be a great opportunity to see how she feels about you Either that try and talk around the fire and get a conversation going about stuff like that, even if nothing happens it would still be a nice night out with someone you have a crush on ~Zack~
