Hi there...I posted on the intro page a while back & said I'd post more of my 'story' later on...so here we go...... I've crossed dressed for any number of years, almost exclusively alone, & until about 5 years ago considered myself completely straight. 5 years or so ago was when I met my first fellow tranny & I've met a few more since which led me to decide I must be bi. I'm fairly comfortable with my feminine side mow & accept that it's a part of me that will never go away. My confusion now is over my sexuality; 6 months or so ago I met another dresser & we kind of 'clicked' - we've met several times since with plenty of kissing, cuddling & oral sex. She wants to go further but I'm not ready - a subject for another time...Trouble is, all sorts of feelings & emotions have suddenly woken up in me that are leading me to think that even at my age (39) I may actually be leaning more towards the gay side of bisexual than I thought! I'm still attracted to women & still harbour a hope that I can finally settle down & have a family. More & more though I find myself thinking about what it would be like to be with another guy (with me in either male or female mode). I've started to enjoy watching gay porn & admiring the bodies of some of the guys involved in it. There have been events in the past in my life that when I think back now may have been pointers as to where I should have been going sexually. All leading towards a very scrambled head!! Sorry if this is a bit of a waffle & sounding mixed up - I think I just need to get this out in the open somewhere rather than keep on bottling it up as I have done until now. Hopefully there may be a few folk on here that can relate to this that I can talk to & share some thoughts with. Thanks for reading...
while i cannot relate to how you are feeling in terms of your gender, in terms of your sexuality i'd just like to point out (on the off chance that you do not already know this) that bisexuality does not always equate to being equally attracted to both one's own gender and to other gender(s). there are many bisexuals who lean more one way than the other and they are no less bisexual because of that. that said, my question to you is this: are you sexually attracted to both your own gender and to other gender(s)...? you have already said that you are still attracted to women, but i am curious as to whether or not that attraction is sexual in nature or simply romantic/emotional. why am i curious? simply because you seem to be questioning that yourself. many people seem to ignore/forget the fact that sexual attraction isn't the only type of attraction that exists. if you still feel that you are sexually attracted to more than just your own gender, it is my humble opinion that you are bisexual.
All I can say, reading everyone's posts in different threads, and knowing my own mind (maybe), is that ones sexuality is not easy to untangle for many people . I think in the media, everything about sexuality is displayed in black and white but it's rarely like that. At the age of 56, there are many things about my sexuality that confuse me. I've defiantly gone through periods when I've wanted to be a female, but never had the guts to actually cross dress, although I did as a boy and got yelled at for it. I have intense relationships with both sexes; however, my best friends have always been women, to whom I'm not sexually attracted. My friendships with straight men, mostly, are superficial. Whenever I've fallen in love, it's been with a straight man I was friends with, which fucked up the friendship, in additions to my mind. Right now I would like to have a close, intimate relationship with a gay man, never had one. I'm usually attracted to men I can't have, the straight ones. So, good luck to you, shybiguyuk, and don't judge yourself.
Hello Shy, Thanks for having the courage to post your story. As you can see, I'm new to this site and to being gay, so I'm speaking from my heart here, not from experience. I hope this is helpful, though. As I come to terms with the fact that I am gay (something I have admitted fully to another person only today), I found myself wondering, "OK, so what is a lesbian like?" But I have to stop myself there. A lesbian isn't "like" anything--just like a hetero isn't "like" anything. They simply are who they are. As Arturo points out, the media presents us with only a narrow image of the gay man: the best friend with super fashion advice, the harmless effeminate gay who loves the theatre and is always bursting into tears, and I think that's about it. But any compassionate, empathetic person knows that's not what being gay is "like." My point is that why do the labels matter? My advice is simply be openly, rawly honest with yourself. What or who are you attracted to? And it may change over time. Does it matter? And if you don't have an answer now (are you attracted to men?) doesn't mean one won't present itself in the future. There's no rush. Anyway, that's what I have to offer. Take what's useful, if anything, and discard the rest. Best wishes on your journey-- Zoe
Hi, thanks for the words of support....it's good to know there are folk around that can empathise & understand where I am. In terms of attraction, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I find women attractive because I admire them & want to be like them rather than because I want to become involved sexually with them. As it happens I'm quite inexperienced sexually & have only ever slept with a couple of women so maybe that tells me something... At the same time I don't necessarily find men physically attractive but the thought of sleeping with a guy is far more appealing to me than sleeping with a woman. I guess the way forward has to be to experiment & take things as they come; I'm quite shy & introverted so not always easy but I have to start somewhere. As far as labels go, I agree with Zoe; I don't really want one but at the same time it would be nice to have some clarity as to what I am! Thanks again for the kind words... Andy
Hey Shy-- I'm sorry if my comments above didn't make any sense--I originally posted those on another thread--I'm not sure how they wound up here. I must have made a mistake. The weird thing is I address you by name. Anyway, so if I just confused the issue. --Zoe
