Told the kids

Hugs Eddy!!! Proud of you!!!!!!

 

Congratulations!

How does it feel? Does it feel like unloading a heavy load?

 

Congrats I know it is tough now but as time goes on I'm sure things will get resolved

 

Good for you for taking this step.. I am waiting for the divorce to be finalized before I tell them, this will only happen in about 5 months or so, I don't really know what to expect...

 

Congrats. Yes it will take time for them to process it, but things will get better.

 

Eddy, my situation is a carbon copy of yours; my son is 17 and my daughter, 20. I haven't gotten brave enough to tell them yet but I'm on the verge of doing so. I feel I really need to. I've been rehearsing in my mind exactly what to say. I'm thinking, just as you said, that my son will be calm and my daughter hysterical. My daughter is a wonderful young woman but she is very emotional; she also has always been more concerned about what others think; my son is more grounded and could care less about pleasing others. This is why I think he's chosen not to drink or use drugs (can't say the same for the young lady). Anyway, you've given me some bravery about this. I've dreaded this moment but its such a burden to continue the lying and pretending; also, my wife is done with the marriage and wants to move on so it's got to be. Wondering what you said to them; that is, how did you phrase it?

---------- Post added 21st May 2013 at 02:12 PM ----------

Greatwhale,

I thought you did tell your kids but maybe I assumed that from your posts about having them over to yor apartment and yor son cooking, etc.

 

Congrats!!

 

There are lots of similarities in our stories, but isn't that always true of older men coming out while having raised a family? Our sons are 33, 31, and 25. The older two are married now, so in short, I'm also faced with coming out to the daughters-in-law. My wife is in denial, as well. She doesn't want to talk about it and when I bring it up, she has only interest in what I'm discussing in therapy. She's a very dependent personality and likely can't imagine life on her own.

The further I come towards full acceptance of myself as a gay man, the further I want to be out and fully living on my own in that identity. I can't put the milk back in the bottle now, so it's just one step forward.....one thing at a time. Last weekend, I came out to a colleague, who is gay, and he invited me to join a group of other older gay men who meet every few weeks for a drink and some discussion. It sounds like such an enticing offer, but I worry about being spotted by friends/colleagues with whom I'm not out to, as yet. I had full control in the early going and the further out I come, it seems that the knowledge of my identity is taking on its own momentum outside my control. That makes me want to hurry up and open up to my kids. However, I need to resolve my need to separate from my wife first. The kids are going to want to know where I stand with that when I come out to them.

All that is about me and what I really needed to say is that I'm very proud of anyone who takes this step. Being out to your kids is a major milestone and you are an incredible human being for having taken this difficult step. I hope for the same level of courage in the coming months.

 

Hi,

I am not sure how "awful" it is... I am sleeping like a baby, first time in years.

Keep in mind you have had months/years to prep emotionally. Give them time and they will sleep like babies too.

 

Congrats Eddy!!, Time solves many things...

 

Awesome! Family secrets are the worst -- they kill relationships, confuse issues, and make people tell more lies.

My kids were fantastic (17 & 25). Nothing but love and acceptance. My son was quite blase about it all. My daughter wants to know whom I'm dating, where we went, etc. Kinda cute ;-)

 

Congratulations, Eddy! That was a huge step!

 

Just to clarify,

The separation and moving out are the result of a bad marriage, made worse by the fact of my being gay. Nevertheless they are separate issues.

Upon hearing some good advice, I decided to wait until the divorce proceedings are finalized before coming out to my wife and kids. A divorce by itself is already a great disruption, I had the chance to separate the end of my marriage from the fact of being gay and I took it.

What sucks is that I need to keep my relationship with my boyfriend discreet until then.

 

Holy shizz, that is amazing!!
Mostly great responses. Hope everything improves from here!

 

I admire your courage. Being new here, I'm also impressed with the common threads of stories here - and the support from those who have "been there, done that," who can say with confidence: "this is hard now, but down the road of truth lies rewards." Good luck to you as this continues to unfold. Your courage inspires.

 

My situation is also similar. I told my wife and almost immediately told the kids too. We immediately decided that we must divorce and had to tell the kids. Telling the kids was hard, especially the divorce news, but the gay part wasn't so bad because it explained the "why" we were divorcing. Overall it was pretty horrible, but I'm glad we didn't wait. The stress of waiting would have been too much for me. However, I DO tend I be a rather impatient, just rip the Band Aid off kind of guy.

Starting over doesn't seem that appealing. Even thinking about it takes my breath away.