I've been in my new place since Saturday night. Saying goodbye to the kids that afternoon was heart wrenching, but I must admit I thoroughly enjoyed Sunday on my own with the peace and quiet. Tonight kids and husband, (er, ex, I guess I should start to call him - weird!) came over for dinner. Well, kids for dinner, ex to put together kids' furniture. He is being so cold and just non communicative. Which I guess he has the right to be and it's only natural. And really he has been so supportive through this process that he probably has an even greater right to now be angry. But I found myself feeling pissed off at him for being angry. Maybe it's easier to be angry at him than to be sad about him. And I guess it's scary for me feeling that chill from him...he's always been my rock, my comfort, always taken care of me. Now I'm truly on my own. It's what I wanted, of course, but it's...I don't know, it's a new feeling to not have that person right there that I can rely on at any moment for anything.
Ohana quote:" But I found myself feeling pissed off at him for being angry. Maybe it's easier to be angry at him than to be sad about him. And I guess it's scary for me feeling that chill from him...he's always been my rock, my comfort, always taken care of me. Now I'm truly on my own. It's what I wanted, of course, but it's...I don't know, it's a new feeling to not have that person right there that I can rely on at any moment for anything." Yup! Hugs
It's the other way around for me, I have removed myself from being always "on" and ready to do things in the home. I confess that, like you, I have been enjoying the solitude, but I have to get back into the arena soon as my soon-to-be-ex and the kids will be moving and they can't do that on their own. But I have been really, really badly treated during this whole process and it galls me to have to lift a finger for her (on Sunday she said, "why haven't you come to help the kids with the move" ...still using my kids as the usual guilt-trigger...) But here's something that might give you hope...my boyfriend took me out to dinner last night, he was late for our meeting but said he had to do some shopping and he finally showed up carrying a couple of plastic bags with groceries. After a long conversation, we got up, walked to the subway, but before we parted ways...he gave me both bags and said "these are for you". I had told him earlier that, after paying child support and spousal support, I had about 125 dollars to live on until the end of the month (which was doable; I have lived as a student on far less than that). At first I refused, but he just smiled, gave me a hug and a kiss on both cheeks and quickly turned around to go home with me holding the two bags...I guess that's what being taken care of feels like...I love him more than ever.
gw- That is sooo romantic!!! He's a keeper. (*hug*)(!) ---------- Post added 22nd May 2013 at 04:26 AM ---------- gw- If you like beans...some cheap awesome vegitarian recipes like chili that cost a few dollars to make a whole pot. I will be the one paying the childsupport/ alimony si I hear ya on the limited buget-Its called the divorce diet!
Thanks Rose, yeah I thought so too... Ah yes the divorce diet, how do you think I finally fit in a 34 in. waist-sized pair of awesome skinny jeans!
I'll never fit in skinny jeans.but ok with that... Always had a big but no matter what size I am. And don't think lesbians allowed to wear 'skinny boyfriend' jeans Stupidest clothing name ever! Rock those jeans gw! ---------- Post added 22nd May 2013 at 07:32 AM ---------- greatwhale think we got off thread topic... Sending Ohana Big hugs! (*hug*)(*hug*)(&&&)
I agree 100%! Going at least partly vegetarian is well worth thinking about. Meat prices--at least in my part of the world--are enough to make one cringe, and that's the lowest grades. One bonus: it's probably overall a healthier diet. One might live longer, giving a chance to make an ex's life a living hell so many extra years.:lol: Or one might have more energy for those hot dates. Another idea: with summer coming, there will be places to shop other than the grocery store: farmers' markets, produce stands, even people selling out of their yards. Sometimes prices aren't lower--a local produce market I shop is generally a little higher, although the quality is worth it. I'd rather have a single good nectarine that is good, than a big bag full of of tasteless, woody pulp. However...sometimes you can get amazing deals. One good trick: shop towards the end of a farmers' market. Selection is limited, but often vendors are willing to wheel and deal to get rid of what remains. Last summer, I regularly got free stuff from one vendor. It might not be a bad idea to investigate the possibility of freezing for winter if you hit upon really, really, really good deals.
BTW-A side effect of vegetarian diet after a few weeks for men can be ummm increased frequency of "attention" Yah- Was glad when husband went back too meat. (soo not joking)
Hi Ohana, I hope you'll be comfortable in your new place and you'll make a safe and welcoming home for your kids. Reading about your ex's up and down reaction to this split made me wonder how different is it for couples that divorce for reasons other than one of them being gay? It happens all the time. Some go better than others. The reason your relationship ended is better than if it was due to cheating or worse. Your desire to be true to yourself while you still show concern for your ex and your kids is not bad at all. He'll get over it and hopefully see that he and you are better off for it. Take care (*hug*)
