Ok here goes. This is a very complicated and long story and I'm not really even sure if this story belongs here. I am 53 yrs old and my entire life I have dated, been attracted to and married to men. I also have always been attracted to and fantasized about women. Always the young model looking type you see just in the movies. A few years ago I was playing an online multiplayer game and met a guy character. In real life he had a fiance which he always said wonderful things about as well as, he shared they had an open relationship. They both could date whoever they wanted. He said he did not date anyone in real life, but he was ok with her dating other guys. He just wanted her to be happy. She also was apparently ok with him having a play girlfriend online. Oh and he is 24. So time passes and he and I became the best of friends and ultimately fell in love with each others personalities. We never saw one another in person to this point. Keeping our relationship just in the game we never crossed the let's meet in person line. One day however, his fiance finally felt uncomfortable about how he always wanted to be with me on the game and told him he needed to stop playing with me. So, as we were playing he told me he was very sorry but to respect her wishes, we needed to stop playing together. I was very sad of course, but did not want him having any stress over this. So many months pass and one day there he is on the game. I was elated and surprised. He said she finally took her sleeping with other men to another level and moved out and was marrying one of the guys she brought home to their house. Side note: in my opinion, I don't believe in open relationships just for this reason. But anyway....we played for a little bit and he got quiet with his texts. I asked him if he was going to be ok. He said not really. There is something I need to tell you. I've been wanting to tell you for a very long time. He types, I love you more than anyone I have ever known, have always loved you but need to tell you I really am a woman. My first words back were I am not surprised, and would love you no matter even if you were green with polka dots. She asked if she could call me and I said absolutely. We talked for hours on Skype but I was afraid to let her see me. Go figure. She sent me a picture via email and she is an absolutely gorgeous woman. She knows how old I am (at the time) 52. It took me over a month of us talking on skype for me to eventually turn on the camera. She loves me, did not do the ugh you are old look either. What was I afraid of? More time passes and I lose my job of 20 yrs. She is excited and invites me to come live with her. I do. I go to work with her, she's a business owner. I kept us at a distance because well, I've never been with a woman before. She did not push too hard but eventually one night, we were drinking......fill in the blanks. It was everything that I've ever fantasized about and more. So what now? We live and work together until one day my mom calls. My step dad has had dementia for awhile and has progressed to the point she cannot handle him alone. There is a long waiting list for him to get into a home. I pick up and drive 6 hours to my moms home to help out. I'm here for 3 months and go back for a week. Come back to moms and now we are in current time. It has been 1 month with me here and she and I have been missing each other but....she now is tired of just going to work and going home. She's hired a new employee on and told me she really needs to get out and have some fun with a friend. The friend is married to a man and is straight. Now, she and this new friend/employee have been hanging out daily now. Shopping together, gardening, just running around friend stuff. I tried not to let it bother me but the other day I felt like I was losing my friend/lover because of course I am not the center of her universe anymore and said something. We had a little falling out about it, and then she told me she mentioned to her new friend when they were out to dinner together that she had upset me and doesn't know what she did. Well, that made it even worse for me. We have somewhat resolved the issue and I apologized for my insecurity over this new person she just wants to hang out with, but I now need someone to talk to about this. I have no friends here where my mom lives and I cannot tell anyone about our relationship. So I'm coming here to talk to strangers in hopes of finding something that will help me move on. I want her to be happy no matter what. She still loves me and still wants me to be her girlfriend.
