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Married, Gay and Finally Out

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Griffin, May 23, 2013.

  1. Griffin

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    Hi

    I posted pretty desperate back in October. Married 16 years, 2 kids, 11 and 9 and gay. Told my therapist in October and then ran back to the closet. There's been a quiet tension between my wife and I for months.

    On Sunday evening, she came outside where I was and filled in the blanks on a story she started a couple of weeks ago. The husband of a friend of hers had left the family abruptly, causing distress for all. After being kind of cryptic about what she knew, once outside with me she said "My friend's husband left her for another man. I think that will happen to us if we don't deal with what's happening now." I was stunned speechless for a moment and finally said "I know now that I am gay and I am sorry I misled you all these years. I love you and did not mean to hurt you." She said she loved me too and that we would always be best friends. We talked about putting the kids first, which means we will keep the house we have and the kids will stay put. She and I will rotate in and out from an apartment we will lease soon.

    We start couple's counseling in a week or so, just to plan for how to tell the kids and facilitate the necessary changes. I am still completely stunned by how gentle, loving and kind she has been through this. She even said "you did me no intentional harm - you could not be who you were, but I know that you can't control this and can't change it. Even so, we both deserve to be happy and loved, so let's deal with the reality as it stands." I think I have never loved her more than right now. Lots more talking to come, and I don't think the honeymoon phase can last forever - there will be painful days ahead, but I am grateful and relieved to finally be dealing with this - and becoming who I was meant to be.

    I've read hundreds of posts since October and found great support here, even if I don't post often. Thanks to all. To those who are still struggling - know that coming out may not destroy your life, even though I was absolutely certain that it would. The sun is up, I am still alive and this seems to be more like just another step in my evolution and less like the end of life as I know it. I am so fortunate and grateful.

    :icon_bigg
     
  2. EddyG

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    That's wonderful, what a great friend you have. And better that you got it out and over with sooner than later. I wish I'd done this long long ago, we're married 25 years, I should have come out 15 years ago... Best of luck and keep us posted on how things go.
     
  3. Samson

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    Congrats, that is the best possible outcome! Hope you the best for the next!
     
  4. LateRobert

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    Hi Griffin

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    You are so lucky to have such a caring and supportive wife. I wish I could have the same reaction when I come out to my wife soon. No doubt there will be tough days ahead, but you are off to a good start.
     
  5. arturoenrico

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    Hey griffin,

    I hope it lasts that way; I really do. My wife started out like that about I a year ago when I first told her but recently, she has become edgy, angry, challenging and is ready to push me out of the house. Best of luck.
     
  6. SaleGayGuy

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    Hi Griffin

    Congratulations, I came out to my wife 9 weeks ago and know exactly what you have been going through, you will feel much better now the secrets out.

    Sale Gay Guy
     
  7. Fellow

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    What a wonderful wife you have, you and her will get around this together and your kids will be just fine, sure they must know you both love them as always.
    Needless to say, lots of challenges are still on you're way, but with such love, there's nothing you can't do mate :wink:
     
  8. Glad it is going well for you.

    My husband and I are dealing with the same thing, but we're staying together. I'm still trying to figure out where I am sexually. He is hoping for bi, but assures me that if I am a lesbian, he will remain supportive.

    Good luck in all you do.
     
  9. Zoe

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    Griffin--

    Thanks for sharing your story. I am just now coming out, and I'm a ways from being able to tell my husband. I got some courage from your story. I hope it continues to go well.

    --Zoe
     
  10. HoplesslyLost

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    Griffin

    Thanks for sharing, it kinda makes we think maybe my wife would be the same, but somehow I cant see it. But I am truly happy for you and wish you nothing but the best in the future.