Help me I'm in the twilight zone! My wife insisted I come to a family gathering for her aunts birthday because our situation is not public. I'm not out with her family. Her aunt just got finished telling us what a beautiful couple we were and how strong we are together! Had lots of wine from the outset!
Courage dear friend...I know of what you speak. You can choose your spouse but not her family...ugh! I wish someone would have saved me from those things...:tears:
Ouch.... I just went through something similar at a big family event last weekend, with both our families there. No one knew and all kinds of stuff like that was being thrown around because everyone sees us as the perfect couple. It was really hard, and when they find out it'll be a shocker but just know that soon it will all be over and you'll not have to do charades like that ever again.
It is *never* about you. It is *always* about them. Her aunt didn't say you were a beautiful and strong couple because that's what you demonstrate to her. Her aunt said that because that's what she needs to believe about you. There is some amusement value in trying to figure out why she needs to believe that. Your wife didn't make you go to this to torture you. She made you go to this, because she needs to still feel like she's in a "normal" couple. When your situation does become public, it will be exquisitely uncomfortable for her as well as for you...I wonder if she's in denial about that? Anyway, yeah...I've been in some of those kinds of situations...and they always suck. It can help to deal with the surrealism to recognize the humour and sheer absurdity in it, though. That and the wine, of course. *smile*
Is it necessary to come out to her family? I mean if you're gay and came out to her I'd guess you would divorce her and start fresh right? I actually think it's kind of mean for her to want you to come out at a gathering like that.
Breathe, Art! Breathe! (*hug*)(*hug*) Think you need the power of: (!)(!)(!)(!)(!) ---------- Post added 24th May 2013 at 08:17 PM ---------- Gee Art the benefit of my husband (hopefully soon ex ) OUT me to his family & friends is no more trips to inlaws!!!!!! (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)
Oh, wait...did I miss that she wanted you to out yourself at this gathering? How inconsiderate of her of her aunt on her birthday! If this is the case, then hell yes, she's behaving like an idiot, and possibly *did* do it just to torture you.
That will be awkward, let them talk and ask question about themselves (most people likes to talk about them...), that might prevent them to ask sensitive question about your couple... Good luck (*hug*)
No. She didn't want me to be out at the party, quite the opposite. My wife's family is all about appearances. If I didn't go, people would start to wonder why. She wanted us to continue the charade for everyone. So we went with our two kids. Aside from her, nobody in her family knows my dark secret. Of course it is my wife who right now is pushing us to go forward, tell the children, make a plan for me to leave, etc. The sad thing is that I really love some of the people in her family. So I'm thinking in the future, I won't see them anymore...which is a loss. But, I could definitely do without her parents and brother. Thanks everyone.
There it is EddyG... Appearances. I started wearing a surfer's bracelet and an additional ring. If you look "off" she won't want you there.
I just bought gay sox. Honestly, when I went to my gay men's therapy group, 6/8 guys were wearing wild sox. This is a statement. "A hint of color"
Sorry about that. That stinks that you had to do that, but playing nice with the wife will make things easier later.
arturoenrico, Thanks for taking the time to write. Yeppers I know what this feels like! If I had a firm footing in EITHER world it would be somewhat easier. I am not certain what to say to you, except I am there in spirit. As you know I just had one of those days, and while I am really trying to focus on the positive, I just don't know what to do next. Doing nothing is not an option for either of us. We either move forward or we stand still and stagnate. Been there... Done that...bought the ugly shirt that goes with it!
