Another venting thread, as I erupt like Mt. Vesuvius, and bury Pompeii, er, LGBT Later in Life with the lava of my babbles. Feel free to tune out, and read something more thought provoking, like a Dick and Jane reader As has been commented before, this thrilling little journey of self discovery and acceptance has made me feel like a teenager again. In a way, the experience is amusing. Perhaps educational, because I feel like I can analyze and understand the feelings better now than when I was 15. It's also amazing that this old dinosaur still has life. But...it's also getting awfully tiresome at times. And frustrating. Maybe more frustrating than when I was a teenager. Back then, yes, that hot guy by me in English was unavailable because he was straighter than a laser beam. But that didn't matter, because I was in denial. (As I think back on all the guys I now know I had crushes on, it's amazing how I was able to deny reality...) I'm past denial, but I still find all the guys I see are unavailable. Most have wedding rings (and I've gotten quite good checking for that item of jewelry). Or else have other issues. I talked to one guy earlier. No idea for sure if he was gay, but let's say I was wondering about the possibility. Unfortunately, it turns out he's A) Too Young and B)only visiting the area. I guess I can at least take pride in the fact that I'm making more of an effort to talk to strange people, rather hide behind a big potted plant in the corner at social events. Of course, I have no business even thinking about having a relationship. I don't feel I'm in the right place for a healthy relationship. Nor am I in a position likely to attract someone capable of a healthy relationship. Maybe one day, as I work at this, and change, these factors will change. I just hope I don't spend however long it takes feeling I'm 15 again...
Some say you need to love yourself first, before getting into a successful relationship. Yea, easier said than done...
Umm BMC77....My response might have been more appropriate on your other thread! Hope you weren't offended.
No kidding! :roflmao: Maybe...it's easier for me on the Internet when I can edit what I say... My in person skills need work. It's been weeks since I began the current attempt to increase my local social network. Current Net Friend Increase: zero. No offense! This could be TMI...but actually I have to say actually there is real truth in what you said.
Nah- not much that hasn't been shared here! Plus I started a thread recently on a similar topic.... I was trying to think of a cleaver funny...got none. (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)
I kind of envy your feeling like a teenager again. I feel deadened sexually and have trouble imagining that a loving relationsp with a guy will happen for me lthough I long for it. Just wanted to say that I never admitted to myself that I was gay in high school and yet I sat on the bleachers, because I didn't participate in sports really, and watched every boy and noticed all their features. I never put two and two together. I never even knew some of those guys and yet I still remember their faces and bodies, yes I do.
I have the same difficulty imagining a relationship. Even a casual relationship (FWB type situation.) This definitely sounds like me. I think I was in my 20s when I first even considered the possibility I might be gay. And I definitely remember guys from high school, some of whom I probably never even met. Heck, I remember what some guys looked nude in the junior high locker room.
Yeah... The feeling you got at an assembly, packed tight in the bleachers, squished against a guy you liked but unable to say a word. I can still feel that electricity almost 40 years later. Damn I envy the world young gays enter today. It isn't perfect but makes our youth challenges look absurd.
Or how about the joy of being seated by an interesting guy in class? That happened at least once that I can recall. The guy was one I liked--although, of course, I told myself I liked him because he could make a fine friend. But there is no denying now that I had at least a partial crush. Unfortunately, I was too shy to ever try to make a move. And there was something...very cool (heading towards cold) about him. He'd interact with me when necessary, but never made any effort past that. I don't remember exactly what happened, but he vanished from the class a while (I think he went to a different school a couple of weeks, or something), then came back, and ended up sitting elsewhere. Maybe he wasn't comfortable with me...maybe I stared too much at him without realizing it. Maybe he just wanted a change of scene. Or maybe he was having similar feelings about me. Funny thing, but a couple of years later, I heard he was gay... ---------- Post added 27th May 2013 at 12:36 PM ---------- I envy the young gays of today, too. At least in places that are reasonably progressive on LGBT issues. When I was in high school 20 some years ago, I don't think I seriously thought once I was gay. Even if I had realized it, and accepted it, there is no way in hell I'd have admitted the fact to anyone. Today I'd probably at least know more about what gay involves, beyond stereotypes of "freaks of nature." Not sure how open I'd be, but I could imagine at least being open enough to be in the school GSA.
I do kind of envy kids today because of the openness but I wouldn't want them to have to go through what some of us went through. I know a 16 year old who came out to his family last year, it was very difficult but over time, they just accepted it. And, in his high school, no one bothers him, harasses him, etc. it's like a nonissue. I know it's not like that everywhere but acceptance is spreading.
