Wow, I have finally found a forum for older people coming out! Not really sure how to summarise my story quickly, but... I had an emotionally abusive father, to the extent that I was very emotionally cut off and immature. Had a long, but not very sexual, relationship, with a woman at university, which confused the heck out of me and I couldn't cope with the emotions. She became very religious and anti-gay. I met a guy who I was very fond of and I married him, despite it never feeling right but I was unable to confront or own up to why. We have two lovely children, which I can never regret. However, I had a very deep depression after the second, at which point I did own up to myself that I was gay, although doing anything about it or telling the truth was still too hard. That was nearly five years ago. I kept my sexuality hidden, but was getting more and more depressed and self-harming... About two years ago I became friends with another lesbian at work and started gradually coming out to her. I tried the "bi" line with my husband but he didn't ever quite get what I was really saying to him (he is very autistic and literal and quite controlling). Then I realised I was falling hopelessly in love with my friend, but she was ill and also in a relationship (a bad one, as it turned out). Then my dad got cancer, (I told you this was involved!) and I started to realise life was just too short. My friend and I hooked up, I finally owned up to my husband properly and we are now getting divorced (and both much happier for it). My kids don't know, but close friends and family do (my father died, and my mother has alzheimers so I never had to tell them - I don't know if I ever could have, they were really homophobic). Phew.... Sorry for the brain dump, but it is a surprising relief to read stories from others with the same mid-life problems, and know I'm not the only one out there. Right now my biggest issue is how to tell my kids, as I am very scared of their reaction. The youngest is probably small enough that growing up with the knowledge is okay, but my eldest is hitting puberty and I have no idea how he would take it. Anyway, hello!
Hi DrWhoFan Welcome to EC, you have definitely found the right place for support. I have only been a member since January this year and have made so many friends on here; without whose help and encouragement I would not have been able to come out to my wife of 25 years. I hope you too find the help, support, and friendship you are seeking. Sale Gay Guy
Welcome to EC! It sounds like you're finding your way pretty well. My guess is your kids will probably take it fairly well. They've grown up in an environment where gay is more OK than it's ever been, and it seems most are well aware that it wasn't as easy for "the previous generation". Lex
Hi DrWhoFan, I just wanted to say that I've been on a six year journey. I am now divorced. I have two boys. I'm not at the pride stage of coming out yet. Even if I were, I've had two different counselors that work with kids say that telling them about my sexual orientation now would be a mistake. They are both in the midst of puberty. The counselors shared that everything is personalized by kids at that point in life. They are comparing themselves to their peers, and they have a lot of insecurities along with awkwardness and major hormonal changes. They said that perhaps they will hear about it from others but that I shouldn't directly tell them at this time. It bummed me out, but I get it. From my perspective, I want to be honest. It would explain a lot regarding the breakup with my ex-wife, and an even more recent break-up with another woman. But I am thinking from my own perspective not theirs. They have enough to deal with on their own without placing something as complicated as sexuality on them, especially when they could be questioning it all themselves. It was hard to hear, but I heard it from two different counselors that deal with kids, so I am taking it to heart. Keep moving forward!
Welcome DrWhoFan, I hope you find what you need here! It has helped me very much; this is the place I'm the most honest. I'm going to be telling my kids in the next couple of weeks and I'm a wreck about it. They're older, 17 & 20 but it is still overwhelming to think about. Hey ShinyNSilver, I just wanted to say that this issue of dealing with the kids is confusing. I've read a lot and talked to people in person and on line. In fact, I'm kind of obsessed with this issue. You might want to think about your decision to wait a little further. I think most mental health people recommend being as honest as possible and as soon as possible. I think your kids could be really hurt and angry if they find out through gossip, which is what I'm concerned about with my kids. Also when you do tell them, they will feel as if you lied to them for years. I hope I'm not taking liberties. Just suggesting that you seek out other opinions and weigh it all. Good luck!
Good luck with it arturoenrico. What a big moment! I don't know what to do, I think my 11 (nearly 12) year old is at the point of his life where being gay is the thing you'd never own up to. My 6 year old is probably okay. I am terrified they will find out the wrong way, but not able to tell them so I'm kind of stuck.
Hello and :welcome: to EC! It is hard to find resources for those of us coming out later in life, but EC is a wonderful, welcoming community and (to me at least) really make up for the lack elsewhere.
