Hi My name is Bob and I am 43. Since I was a young boy I have been attracted to both sexes. This is so hard for me to put into words so I am not going to read back and delete/change my sentences to make it sound good because that is what I've doing all my life. I love beautiful people, female or male, it doesn't matter. I have always adored beauty. I have been married twice. My first marriage ended because my then wife was pre-occupied with her looks and style. I was 21 when I met her, she 17. I knew it was only a matter of time before her eyes would wander. My present wife is a very down-to-earth, wonderfully, kind lady. We love each other very, very much indeed and have been married for nearly 9 years. However, I always suspected that she might be bi-curious. I myself was then bi-curious but it took 7.5 years to admit to each other that we were attracted to people of the same sex. Consequently, we entered the swinging scene but discovered that fantasy was a lot better than the reality. It turned to be not the liberating experience that we both yearned for. As a result, we have drifted apart and are frightened to speak to each other about what happened. We love each other dearly but would like to enjoy and share our needs together as one. We learnt a lot from our experiences and have no regrets about sharing our wants, needs and desires but we now feel guilty about letting our thoughts be know to one another. I guess we have given it our all to one another and now feel pretty stupid. Thanks for reading and I hope you can give some advice. Rob
Hey Bob, welcome to EC! (&&&) You will probably want to also share this in the LGBT Later-in-Life sub-forum as well. That way more of our older members, who have probably shared your experiences will see it.
I second the suggestion of checking out LGBT Later in Life forum, it's a great place with amazing supportive people, come on over!
It sounds like you and your wife really need to find a way to start communicating again. Whether by just sitting down and making it happen or maybe with the help of an LGBT friendly counselor or therapist. From my perspective, I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. You tried the swinging scene, it didn't work for you. Oh well, time to regroup and maybe try something else. Everyone makes the occasional mistake and in this case it appears that no one was hurt, no one was deceived, etc. So why feel shame about it? You certainly haven't done anything wrong or worthy of embarrassment that I can tell from what you've written here so far. And yes, I realize it's easy for me to say that since I haven't lived through the experiences you have. As far as enjoying and sharing your needs together as one, I obviously don't know what you did while swinging, but have you considered the following options: a) an open relationship of some kind - this would require some work to set up and set boundaries and I'd suggest a good bit of thought to make sure you are both OK with it but might be another option. Or it might feel too close to the swinging you tried earlier. b) Playing together as a couple - This might involve hooking up with different people, either male or female with all three of you having sex together. This would presumably need time to set up and for you both to like the person, but if you're both interested in this that is potentially doable. Basically you might arrange to play with a woman sometimes and a man sometimes. Perhaps when playing with another guy your wife might participate up to a point or operate in more of a supportive role while also letting you and the guy play and the same when another woman is the partner but now you're kind of sitting back after a bit or playing more of a support role rather than being as active (or maybe you all just play with each other and together in whatever way you all find enjoyable. Or whatever you work out that works for you. Regardless of what you end up doing moving forward, the first step seems to be re-opening the lines of communication between you without guilt or embarrassment. My 2c worth, Todd
I agree with AKT that the big issue is communication. Based on what you say, it sounds like it should be possible. I would recommend a counselor or therapist to help you both express yourselves, clarify things, etc.
