Without going into the nature versus nurture debate, do you think that consistent rejection by or unsuccessful interactions with the opposite sex can cause someone's sexuality to either be modified or fully switched? Some people think not. Others think it has an effect. Both my high school and college psychology books briefly touched on this, though they cited a whole bunch of other factors. Most of the factors they cited were environmental, some of which I agree with and some of which I don't. Any thoughts on this? And I'm talking about rejection and heartbreak with the opposite sex when younger.
I've never been rejected by boys. It was me who constantly rejected them because I wasn't interested but I always felt bad about hurting their feelings.
No, I think our sexuality takes shape before the sorts of interactions you seem to be talking about. I don't think we're born straight or gay, but I believe that most of the foundation for sexual orientation is laid in the first 2 or 3 years. I have had "successful" relationship with women, including my wife. If anything, I think the opposite of what you suggest may be true: that some of us might invite rejection by the opposite sex because our attraction to them is not fundamentally sexual. I think that has probably been true at times in my own case.
I could see this. I remember talking to a gay guy who was working on a PhD about this issue. He was very masculine looking and acting, but the relaxed and soothing tone of his voice was not typical of a typical straight guy. Referring to this situation in high school, or even earlier, he said "They know." That meant, to me, that you were, for some reason interested, but didn't know quite why, but they could sense that the attraction was sort of half-baked. Some women have that sense and some women don't, or they push it aside, for whatever reason.
No credible research indicates that rejection or unsuccessful interactions with the opposite sex will make someone gay. Think about this for a moment: Given that so much of gay society is really shallow and very appearance-focused, there are a lot of guys that get rejected quite a bit. But do you hear of any of them suddenly becoming straight because no gay guys would go out with them? No.
I don't believe it's a factor. Would the reverse be true? I had girls swarming around me in high school; I never went out with any of them, nor was I sexually attracted. They were my best friends and opened up to me with their problems. Couldn't all that female attention switch me over to the straight side? (It didnt) On the other hand, none of the boys I fell in love with, loved me back (sigh). Of course, I'm only one case. The thing about psychology is that you can always find at least one study that proves your point of view.
I hear you. I'm new to the forum and I'll write up my chronology for input a little later. One of the things that struck me was how much sex was available to me with men, and attractive men, when I first started being regularly sexually active. I went to the gym 6 days a week, looked more sturdy than like a toned gym rat, and was wondering why good looking guys wanted to hook up yet attractive women didn't display as much interest. The ratio was way off. It bothered me, more so in the past. Part of it is, let's face it, that attractive women are used to being courted. On the other hand, two decent looking guys don't have to do much of a dance, and get down and dirty fairly quickly. On the flip side, the longevity of any sexual chemistry and regularity is dim in the disposable environment you speak to. But, you're right, a lot of not really sought after men and women who are not lucky at love and get rejected a lot continue to be exclusively heterosexual. It's all fairly complicated and fascinating.
Well here's the more important question: When you are having sex with a guy, is it arousing and exciting? Do you find yourself aroused looking at attractive male bodies? Does watching gay porn get you aroused? When you masturbate without porn,does thinking about guys turn you on and get you off? Now flip it around: Does having sex with a girl really excite you and get you aroused? When you look at female bodies, do you feel yourself getting aroused/excited? Does watching straight porn (or, better yet, lesbian porn is a more accurate indicator) turn you on? When you masturbate without porn, does thinking about girls turn you on and get you off? Answer those questions -- and really think about them -- and that will give you some clarity about where your attractions lie. The bottom line is... having hot guys hit on you won't make you attracted to guys if you're not gay. There's nothing complicated about it.
I don't think so, I believe if you are straight and get rejected hundred times by women, you'll still be straight. Maybe your brain will make you think you aren't straight to make you feel better or something, but, you'll still be straight.
Perhaps if someone was somewhat in the middle in terms of bi-sexuality, some traumatic event within an opposite-sex relationship could steer them towards the same-sex end of things, and some people may label this as a change in orientation. But I think there would have to be a latent or unexplored bisexuality and it really is a change in "preference" not "orientation".
I've been mercilessly rejected by everyone I've ever asked out. Except one girl who later cheated on me and ripped my heart out leaving me alone and broken after I came out to her as trans*. These events have honestly made me mostly asexual, but if I ever found someone that wasn't going to reject me or hurt me, I would definitely be in a relationship with them.
Yes. I think you've nailed it more than some others here. And you've qualified it by adding about being in the middle. I've done a ton of reading of so many psychological articles coming from so many different viewpoints. I'm no shrink. However, they were written in simple to understand terms. One MD focused on many factors, but he did mention two: 1) a teenage boy might learn that relating to other boys/men doesn't have the "heaviness" and responsibility that is expected when one relates to a woman, and 2) there is easier access to sex and, if a person is more able to overcome the taboo and guilt, the behavior can become conditioned. True, this won't shift the full-on heterosexual, but it could shift someone whose sexuality is more fluid and who is prone to experimenting.
I don't know how to get this through to you but... that is simply bullshit. Absolutely not true, and zero evidence in the credible psychological literature to support it. There are plenty of crackpot religious bigots with MD and Ph.D degrees who spout off ridiculous crap based on poorly designed or nonexistent studies, but that doesn't make anything they're saying truthful. It's this sort of ignorance spouted off as fact that really, really screws up people from being able to really figure out what's going on for them, and I honestly find it really annoying that these people can publish this crap with little or no consequences.
