The straights....

arturoenrico:

Isn't it interesting that we are now in an environment where about 1/2 of the U.S. says it's in favor of same sex marriage and thinks it's cool to be tolerant, and then the homophobic subtleties rear their head ... often. While they don't make me mad, I know who I need to avoid. Not to single out a gender, but I've seen some of the more snide ones come from women, and who seem to take liberties earlier with what they should say. I had a dentist I liked and I thought his hygienist was ok. I don't know if it was my age and single status, or if she saw the penning of the intake sheet. On one visit, I told her I was going on vacation and named the 3 close to each other major cities I was going to visit. She then added, in sort of a taunting tone "Will you also be going to (insert name of smaller resort town which is a gay mecca)?" That's not making conversation. That's just nosy and rude.

 

I had never noticed these things until I accepted myself as gay. It is the sudden unveiling of something that was always there but that we could not see.

 

I don't pay much attention to that stuff, to be honest. I'm not very tuned into popular culture, or to identity politics.

I do find it a little irritating that on the Daily Show and Colbert Report, which are supposed to be so progressive, there's a tendency to use words like "fabulous" when doing gay-related stories.

On the other hand, I was chatting with some gay neighbors the other day, and they were talking about why they don't enjoy going to Palm Springs because it's too gay and too "queenie."

 

Ha! I went through a period like that. Isn't it weird? I lost total interest in straight love stories and even songs... Rent some gay movies as therapy.

Really, I think it will change with time. I'm assuming you recently came out. It's easy to get angry that we aren't catered to as much but let's be honest, MOST people are straight and feel most impacted by straight love stories. We just need to gain the confidence that it's ok to see it. Plus, there are a lot of similarities between these love stories!

I do admit though, I'd much rather watch Brokeback Mountain than the Notebook.

 

Ah that movie, Brokeback Mountain, if ever there was a catalyst for where I am now, that was it...

 

I don't think this preference in movies has anything to do with your being gay...I think it's just your good taste.

 

Hi,

As far as media goes... I forget who said it but "The content IS the audience".

This is business, this is money talking to the largest audience demographic to make MORE money. Media caters to social norms and fads.

If you had 20 million dollars and you wanted to invest in making a movie to turn that $20m into $35-40m would you back a movie that catered to 90% of the target market or one that only targeted 10% of the society?

Look at Elton John, gay but he knew how to make money by altering a few words.

In short media is a skewed measuring stick of society, it is not a perfect measuring stick.

Unless we get it in the law... Fads and society shift and change.

 

It doesn't really bother me at all. I'm fairly well-known in my community, and I've been out and proud for decades. I'm sure there are people who think less of me because of my orientation, but I can't say I run into them much.

Not too long ago, I was introduced to a guy at an event. After the introductions were made, he said, "We're working on a new project we think you'd really like. My boss said 'If Lex doesn't like this, he should have a tube shoved up his ass.' And I totally agree."

I just shrugged and said, "Who knows - I might like a tube shoved up my ass. I AM gay, after all."

I can't accurately repeat the response I got, but it was something like, "Ha ha ha...wait, really? You mean you're... Well, shit, I didn't mean... I don't want you to think... It's just, this project is so... I'm sorry if you think..."

Sometimes, coming from a place of quiet confidence can really do a lot.

Lex

 

It doesn't frustrate me that much, but I agree that gay relationships are not represented enough in the media and if they are, they're always extremely stereotypical.

 

You have to respect Netflix they have a programming slot for our community. Even if the content is weak the programming slot is there.

 

@greatwhale @zoe Very true the notebook is kind of lame no matter what.

Ahh the gay netflix page... I use my straight friends account, and he gets really weirded out by the stuff I watch sometimes on there.

 

I guess I decided long ago that I wasn't going to expect the media to "represent" me in any but the most obvious ways. And not just as far as my sexuality goes. I was pretty nerdy as a kid (still am), and the only nerds on TV and movies were simple objects of ridicule. Even the movie "Revenge of the Nerds" featured heavy caricatures of nerd types (and a token effeminate homosexual, as a bonus!). I never really lamented this, since I never thought it was meant to represent me. I don't think anybody who knew me walked out of that movie thinking "I wonder which one of those characters represents Lex."

There's nothing wrong with identifying with characters if you feel the kinship. But I don't think one HAS to. I've certainly never run into any character in the media who resembles me in any more than the most cursory way. And I'm totally fine with that.

Lex

 

Aww I like The Notebook. It's a love story--I don't care who's involved!

I thought shows (and movies to a point) were doing much better at representing the LGBTQ community. Last night I watched The Fosters--which is about a lesbian couple who have numerous biological and foster children. They got the oppressive stuff out of the way in the first 2 mins and did it in a not-going-to-take-any-bullsh*t kind of way and after that it was a really great show. Then I watched Mistresses and it had a lesbian couple who were house hunting on it. No oppression there, no snide remarks, just a couple looking for a home.

 

Hey Lex,

The Big Bang Theory is a large thumb in the eye of the non-Nerd community and for the most part they eat it up and miss the insult.

It is Penny (the non-nerd) who is growing emotionally the most in the company of nerds.

It has the sexually ambiguous Raj and Howard as well.

Looking at how Chuck Lorre pegs the straight community's norms with both The Big Bang Theory and Two and a Half Men he appears to have an altered social perspective.

Good for him!

 

I've been surprised how many nerd-y/geek-y guys love BBT. I never expected them to never poke fun at the geeks or their ways. I don't even necessarily think the geeks should "grow emotionally" in the context of the show, unless it meant "growing emotionally" in the context of geek culture. But as you hinted, they've basically made it a show not about nerds, but about (Penny) dealing with nerds. Or as my friend summed it up, "I realized the nerds of this show aren't the heroes - they're the punchline."

I guess that's to be expected, though. When Will & Grace premiered, it was a show about a masculine gay guy and his ex-girlfriend/best friend. Within a few years, it was a show about a wacky gay guy and his bitchy rich female friend, and they could've just renamed it Jack & Karen. People seem to like their characters as broad stereotypes, after all.

Lex

 

There's plenty of gay representation on TV. It seems that every TV sitcom has a gay or lesbian character as part of the cast. And the representation is rarely favorable. I don't watch a lot of TV, but I don't even think Will was painted in that good of a light, and that he had a promiscuous streak based on the some of the snide comments they made amongst themselves. But are people really accepting of it, deep down? If a movie star is thought to be heterosexual, sexuality is a non-issue. If a movie star is thought to be gay or bi, even in 2013, and it's a never ending witch hunt. Rupert Everett has gone on to say that he regrets coming out because it has sort of ruined his career. But he was the subject of debate prior to that. Makes me wonder how open minded people really are. They say that when some handsome male stars come out, their box office appeal drops, because so many women fans are no longer interested and can't keep the denial going.

 

I'm actually finding a lot of media that IS gay affirming -- look up "gay shorts" on youtube -- some really good stuff.

Though I am SO sensitive to those "little" homophobic remarks made way too often in the circles of my life.

Anyone who knows I'm gay -- I don't hear that stuff from them. But others, when telling them I'm gay doesn't matter (since there isn't any relationship to speak of), those biting jokes and remarks still happen.

Reality is -- I should be more assertive and some of those people and circles I should just cut out of my life, period.

 

I don't think the BBT nerd characters are totally punch lines. They showing Penny a world that makes whoring around look pathetic. Penny's character has stated as much. She was happier when she didn't 't have to think but she can never return.

The Big Bang Theory: Leonard & Penny - "The Hofstadter-Penny Attraction" - YouTube

I believe it is Penny's journey beyond hetero-normative. Learning to see outside the box.

 

Hi Arturo. Yeah, I don't watch TV much at all. And my partner and I *need* a week's vacation in Provincetown, MA at least once a year to stay sane. We live in a pretty darned conservative area 51 weeks of the year...it is so important to spend ample amounts of time among "our people".