Hi, The biggest thing I learned is that being married and gay is a lot more common than I realized. I thought I was a freak. Joining EC and meeting others in the same situation has NORMALIZED my life. I am not alone. I now have friends with similar life stories. I don't need to explain my feelings for they have lived them too. Real affirmation.
I learned what real love felt like. When I met my husband I came to understand what my wife must have felt for me when we had first met. I knew there was a difference in the strength of the emotions we were feeling - but I chalked it up to men being from 'Mars' and women being from 'Venus'. But when I met my husband I realized how powerful 'true love' - for the right person of the right gender - could be. I was amazed.
From EC I learned that I don't have to feel like a horrible monster (though, in saying that, I realize that I still often do.)
From EC or in general? My "in general" one has been more important, so I'll go with that one. I learned that I have to live with myself for the rest of my life, so I should start doin things to better myself, to feel good about myself, and to live the way I want to. No matter who is around me or with me.
I've learned to be myself; never live your life for someone else because it will never be good enough. I tried to change how others felt about gay individuals, but it was me who changed in the end. I learned that everyone is entitled to their own opinion even if it is ridiculous.
In addition to what you posted, Skiff, I've learned not to waste any more of my life being someone else's version of myself. --Zoe
I've learned how great it is to be able to be myself. I've learned, like Skiff, that there are way more married gay guys than anyone would ever guess, and I wish I'd known that earlier. I've learned what love is and how wonderful it is to love as authentically as I can. I've learned that EC is a great wonderful supportive, caring community which has helped me through tough times. I've learned that I love being gay and wish I'd come out years ago.
The biggest thing I've learned is to live in the present moment. I've lived to much in the past, then to much in the future.not enough in the now.With the help of EC working on discovering who I really am.
Don't eat the yellow snow! Nah only joking What I have learned is "Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present".
There's a saying I like: "in the absence of greatness, pettiness prevails." I forgot where I heard it. Not everyone is destined to be great, but everyone can stop all the unnecessary back biting, nastiness, and pea-brained behavior they exhibit in most cases. Some people are so dissatisfied and bored that they need to stir the pot.
I have learned how much more of my attention and presence is available for myself and all others, when I'm not busy trying to keep a little gay man in the closet of my brain. I have also felt, for the very first time, what it means to be fully alive, even though I'm still working my way out of my marriage. And...that there's far more ALIVE feeling yet to come.
I learned it a long time ago but my mom told me to never judge a person by the way they look. Because what a person does dictates them, not their looks. My exception to judging is finding someone cute to date, as long as they take care of themselves their in my league.
Just from reading this threat I have learned that there is hope for my situation. It doesn't matter that I am married. I can find love. Jim said that he knew the affection his wife had for him was stronger than the feelings he had for her. That is how it is with my husband. I feel so bad about it, but I am glad to finally understand it.
From EC I learned that having to ask the question "am I gay?" doesn't make you straight. For SO many years I justified ignoring the nagging question by telling myself that gay people just automatically know at birth, and then either chose to hide it or not. They don't have to go through a questioning phase. I was an idiot, but I was also 15-ish years old and scared. From life since coming to EC, I've learned that coming out isn't as hard as I though. Sure actually getting the words out of my mouth is terribly hard, but the part after that really isn't. That part is hugs, high fives, and free beers. I don't know what I thought was so scary all these years. I have such supportive wonderful friends that it was a crime to have ever doubted they'd accept me. I've also learned that I enjoy free beer.
