WTF- Husband slept over at his "she's not my girlfriend" girlfriends house last night. Seperation-divorce paperwork not filed yet. I hope he used protection. He better be home before son goes to school.The- My wife is gay so I can do anything I want -attitude not going to work as an excuse. Not jealous. Very hurt. This is very disrespectful. He needs his "needs" fulfilled after less than 2 months w/o sex Really? In past no closeted lesbian wife tried harder to well you know-FTS! Is this payback for hurting him? What should I do? :bang::bang::bang::bang::bang::bang::bang::bang:
Rosé, Rose, Rose relax. Deep breath. You are a lesbian and you told him. First he was angry, then he was suicidal, now he's out having sex. You see a pattern here at all? I would wild ass guess he is grasping at straws to get you back. He's tried anger, he's tried sympathy and now he is trying jealousy. This is a possibility. He is going to feel miserable inside if this holds water. Be supportive. He loves you. Remind him you will always love him. ---------- Post added 7th Jun 2013 at 02:09 AM ---------- Appears to be a simple man, taking stereotypical movie themes aimed at winning you back. So be simple in helping him understand and accept. Sit down and watch a movie that depicts a resolution he can grasp easily. Is there a married/lesbian ends in happiness for all movie? Don't be too abstract for he is as subtle as a sledgehammer and just as obvious.
Skiff-What bothers me most is son up early. "Where's Daddy?" Did I mention his girlfriend is a recovering drug addict who just lost her kids? Did I mention he doesn't think he should pay child support? And wanted to know if he had to legally pay it would I give it back since I have more money. ---------- Post added 7th Jun 2013 at 03:20 AM ---------- Trust is gone: 100% He won't get a full time job & originally wanted alimony. I have to pay for 2 households until house sold. Will barely squeek by financially.
Again... Simple man using simple tactics to get you back as his lover. Sad your son has to see his dad is not too bright in relationship conflict resolution. Look at his choice in woman again... Do you think for second he is serious about her or she was handy for his purpose of manipulating you. If she truly exists. He is a sad, obvious, cute guy. Look beyond his behaviour to his motivations. He wants you back. Really kinda touching the lengths he will go thru. Just my opinion on what you have offered us. Get him into counselling as he running out of the obvious. ---------- Post added 7th Jun 2013 at 02:28 AM ---------- Rosé, Explain to son what you think is going on, why it is a mistake, and how his dad needs all the love and support a son can offer his dad. You don't want your son replicating this error in his future.
Oh yah - Did I mention I met her at MY house a few days ago? She introduced herself. ---------- Post added 7th Jun 2013 at 03:30 AM ---------- Except for the ex-addict stuff he has said she is his dream woman. ---------- Post added 7th Jun 2013 at 03:34 AM ---------- (*hug*)no logic will work at this moment Skiff. Thanks for the love -maybe later I can read your responses again -a little to pissed off to absorb the insights. Not mad at you. Got hugs?
Ok, he is very immature. He is addressing his emotions like a child. You cannot change that, just don't be a child too. Don't stoop to his level. You maybe chose him for the very traits you are seeing now. He was easy for you to acquire as a lesbian. He has always been this way "childish". Relax. I know it is difficult. Take in the whole picture. You may not only be his wife but his mommy too. He is throwing a tantrum. Just as you watched your son trying to manipulate his parents when he was three your husband is doing an adult version of the same. When this tactic fails there will be another. Just keep being loving and supportive like a good mommy.
Thanks- He walked thru the door with a big smile & "Good morning". I did not react at all. Lost my best friend. Can't get back trust. The other day he asked me not to ever tell son he was not/did not want custody. At same time blames me for losing everything.
I have a niece who was a teen problem. When her parents had a problem with one of her boyfriends she went out and found the most shocking boyfriend she could find and told her parents she was trying to get pregnant. Yup, she dated a pedophile who had a court injunction keeping him away from his own child. Scary stuff. Very immature. You are seeing similar. ---------- Post added 7th Jun 2013 at 03:06 AM ---------- I would make no promises to enable his Peter Pan syndrome. ---------- Post added 7th Jun 2013 at 03:25 AM ---------- Laundry list of husband's immaturity you have mentioned; Anger Outed you to family prematurely Talked suicide Drug addict gf/sex Wants alimony Doesn't want job Wants money from house sale Doesn't want any custody of SON Doesn't want son to know of his rejection Ummm... You should be happy your life and your son's life are moving away from this immature, crappy person. How old is this guy? 10? Sorry, but you should be looking forward and not into the rear view mirror. Just my opinion.
I know. Had blinds on. Grew up with such extreme emotional abuse this seemed really good. Was grateful someone loved me. (Yes therapist has heard all this) Just really starting to realize how unhealthy subtly abusive my marriage has been. People have been telling me how much happier I have looked lately.
Subtle abusive or codependent? Be fair. Based on his behaviour of late would you be angry now if it wasn't codependent?
Putting ourselves into other people's shoes for a moment never hurts. I don't know what to say about the custody and job issues. Overall though, this entire thing screams that the guy has no self-worth and is trying to recover some of it. His saying he doesn't want to work full time may be his way of saving face because he doesn't think he can get a job. I was unemployed for two years and I kinda know how this feels. Your self-worth goes right in the crapper. Same thing about saying he doesn't want custody -- he may be saying that because he doesn't feel he will be able to support and be a good father to your son, not because of the selfish reasons you seem to be thinking. You send a mixed message, because on one hand you say all this bad stuff about him and blame it on immaturity and on the other hand you lament about how you are losing your best friend. Obviously he couldn't have been that bad of a husband at one time because if he was, you would certainly not be lamenting losing your best friend. To top it off, his entire world has fallen apart within the last two months because his wife has informed him she is a lesbian. Basically, he has been totally emasculated. He has no job, doesn't feel like a good father and his wife just told him she wants to leave him for women. How would you feel? Personally I think you need to give him time to get his shit together. Stop getting angry at everything he does right now, it's not helping anything. His life is in turmoil and he feels helpless to do anything about it, which is about the worst thing a man can feel. I'm gonna be blunt here and you can get angry with me if you want to, I've been through the coming out process and a lot of what you are experiencing now, but I see a lot of your posts as very selfish and whiney. I'm not convinced that your husband is the only immature one here.
Ragequitting kind of proves my point. I was not trying to be mean. Just giving you my perspective on it. The best lessons I've learned from words handed to me were words I didn't want to hear.
Rosé, Some good points there don't let your current emotional state blind you to them. Maybe self examination can come off as selfish, whiny and angering as you evaluate all parts of an equation. That doesn't mean you stop self examination. I am older than you and I will admit to immaturity in areas. Isolate and embrace. You know nobody here is trying to harm you. The more perspectives for you to consider the better. Accept what fits and reject what is wrong after considering it. ---------- Post added 7th Jun 2013 at 04:18 AM ---------- To be honest... There are things I never want to be "mature" about based on common standards. What is " mature" for a LGBT person anyway? Is it the same as the straight definition? Do you think the gay imagineers of Disney have the common definition of maturity top of mind? "Blue Skying" is not a common approach but it is Disney's mantra. So focus on blue shying your future and less on anger related to the past.
