I have a married friend that could possibly be doing some light flirting with me. She met me through work and immediately wanted to hang out. She barely knew me. Now we have been texting and doing the social media things for some time now. We recently did a group get together with her friends. She kept bringing up conversations on gay topics. Maybe for my comfort? But wasn't inapproprite although at one point in telling a story and she grabbed me from behind and held me there while telling the story. Why do that to a lesbian friend when she could have done that to one of her straight friends there?? She also texted me after to see if I had fun and thank me for joining. She makes plans for future events etc...always texts me about random stuff tout of the blue it seems.She is on her third marriage,too.Not that that means anything but sometimes women come out later after many failed marriages,right? Thoughts?? Anyone with experience with this?
I have had experiences like this one, but I am male. There are sometimes reasons for this where the person needs this contact, and this type of communication, and it does not always mean that the person will follow up with more if and when the chance arises. The only way to tell is to get them alone, and see how they act and what they say. If they are never able to be alone with you (always busy), say for coffee, or lunch, then it may be just games that they are playing for fun. I have seen guys take a year with this stuff before finally saying what they want, and even that took a lot of drinking. These people know what they are doing for sure. It is their motive that is not always clear, and not always good. The marriage may be open, or maybe not. But it is not a good sign if person is married even if they are not sexually together anymore or ever were.
Thanks Jeff. As far as I know the marriage isn't open. Thats the thing she is the type that worries what others think of her and she seems to make some boneheaded decisions based on that. She had a rough past. Parents divorced. Dad married twice,both bad women and her mom died young. That's what is odd how she has taken to me considering she is the "try to be perfect southern female". Maybe she is naive?
Hello Goth Moth (great name, BTW), It could be that her motives aren't clear to herself. Maybe sure's struggling with some homosexual feelings and this is her way to express it. Maybe she's got a crush on you and doesn't know how to deal with it appropriately (I'm thinking of the grabbing part). Whatever is going on with her, it certainly seems that she has some conflicting thoughts about her sexuality. I'm not saying she gay, but it does seem that she's questioning some things or pushing her boundaries or comfort zone. But ultimately, second-guessing people's motives is a waste of time. There's no way of knowing without talking to her directly. What I suggest is getting her alone somewhere--perhaps go out for coffee or something of the sort. Talk to her about how her behavior is making you feel (good advice every therapist will give you--stick to the I statements). You might say, for example, that her behavior confuses you because you're not sure where the boundaries of your relationship is. That you care about her as a friend, and you want to clarify the issue before signals are misread and someone gets hurt. Or however you feel. The point is to bring it out in the open. There's no telling how she'll respond. She might confirm that she has been flirting with you, which might lead to a rich conversation. Or she might deny it. And that would be OK, too, because you've brought it to her attention and focused on how it made you feel. So even if didn't realize she was doing it (which is unlikely, although she may say as much), she'll know that she's sending you conflicting messages and will stop. Hope this helps- Zoe
Hey Gothmoth, sounds like your friend may be curious about her sexuality. Best thing to do is to sit down and talk things through with her. Hope everything works out okay for you and your friend.
