After putting these feelings on the shelf for years I have finally accepted the fact that I am gay. I have even said it to myself out loud several times. Now the hard part: coming out to my wife, children, family and friends. It seems so overwhelming but I almost feel suffocated living like this. I hate sneaking around to meet men (which I don't do very much) and the extreme guilt I feel afterwards. I never have sex with my wife and when she does initiate I either make some excuse, or take one for the team and try my best but no longer turned on so I can't perform (even with Cialis). There's no suspicion because I rarely go out so this could conceivably go on for quite a while until I either come out or get caught (either by leaving a gay chat window open or having my toys found). I suppose a good counsellor would be a good idea so I can map out some kind of strategy. Some wonderful stories and advice on this site - I am so glad I found it. Its so nice that I can express my feelings and journey with others in similar situations. Will keep you all posted on my progress. In the meantime, thanks for allowing me this forum to come out - albeit in a limited way.
Welcome to EC! I'm glad you've found us here. Interacting with others who have similar life experiences is really helpful - especially when the interactions here aren't sexually charged in any way. You can have true exchanges here, when that's not likely what you're getting from the occassional hook ups. This is expressing your orientation in a much more healthy way. And that comment isn't meant to judge. I did exactly what you are doing - only it wasn't infrequent. It was obsessive frequency I'm afraid - and I'm in recovery for sex addiction. I had to untangle all of the shame and guilt that I was feeling around my cheating from how I needed to feel about my orientation. You'll have to do the same thing. Welcome! (From another Canadian!)
Welcome to EC! and good luck in your journey from another fellow Canadian...god we are everywhere (!)
Thanks for the feedback. Now you've got me thinking I may also be a sex addict. I probably chat on gay sites or watch gay porn and masturbate much too often (every night) but I was chalking that up to being closeted and frustrated. Am I wrong? I think I am going to be keeping a counsellor or shrink very busy...
Hello Tom, Welcome to EC. There are many of us on the same journey you're on. I just told my husband two weeks ago and came out to myself only a week before that. Lots of support here. Can't offer help on your question above, but I can say that I think a therapist is a great idea. Mine has been an invaluable help. Having an objective party help sort things out makes the process easier (notice I didn't say easy). I'm here if you ever need to chat. --Zoe PS--Just found your post on my thread. I'm glad you found the conversation helpful, and thanks for adding your experience. I know the thread helped me a great deal.
Welcome to EC tomthumb2 (what happened to tomthumb1?)! Our story is your story, feel free to share and keep us updated on your progress. You have thrown down the gauntlet to your life, let the games begin!
Thanks Zoe - your story makes my heart pound just thinking about what you had to go through. So nice to have the support already from so many nice people on here, I feel like I am part of something special.
There are many of us, men and women, who are/have been on the same journey as you are on. This is a great group of people - we're all here to learn, share, congratulate each other, hold each other up when we're sad. I started with a great shrink, who has been amazing. I started going to a couple of different LGBT centers, including a Coming Out group and a bi/gay Dad's group. And when I realized I am who I am, a gay man, I started by telling a few close friends -- I really needed a posse to be there as I figured out how and when to come out to my kids, parents, friends, girlfriend, ex-wife... I don't think you should come out to your wife/kids etc until you have some support in place. My life has turned around completely. I've never been in a better place in my life. And you can do the same!!
