Question to married gay men .

To be blunt. I don't think so...

But to be clear, I am not sure what your understanding is of being gay.

It's unclear to me anyway whether you don't like the idea of having a secret relationship with a man, or that you don't like the idea of being with a man altogether, yet in the next sentence you say you like it only in your mind...minus any emotional attraction to men...

The following quotation was attributed to Mahatma Ghandi:

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

I truly believe that what is in your mind will, eventually, manifest itself in reality, which is why I gave you my original opinion...and I would urge you to seriously think through the implications, not only for yourself, but also your possibly future bride.

 

Read up on internalized homophobia before you do anything that affects another's life intimately.

Lots of gay guys here love their wives, but in the end it is not enough.

Love is multifaceted, and extends beyond emotional love. Without all components love alone fails.

Ask any gay married guy here. For us hindsight is 20/20.

 

You have a lot more choices than that!

The guys and girls her can offer many options beyond those two.

 

You know those are not your only options, when we really want something we fight for it. I can tell you I am 20 yo and to be honest I never liked the idea of being gay neither the idea of possibly going for a relationship with all these doubts that could damage another person's life, but I've come a long way to accept myself and in this journey I've been discouvering things about me I had never realised before and today these may seem your only options but if you just give it a time, your thoughts will become clear and perhaps you might find life is not narrowed to a couple of options.
I am not ashamed to say I am still a virgin and I feel my decision of waiting and discouvering myself first was for the better, if not long ago I couldn't stand the idea of being gay, today I can't live any other way.
Ofc I can't tell you what to do, but an advice from a not so experienced man: give it a time. Time is always the best advisor.

 

We have all, at some point in time asked ourselves exactly the same question....you said she is not in your area, or at least close by.

Two questions: are you in love with her, or with the idea of being in love with her? What, exactly (and I mean very specific things) makes you think you are gay?

 

You nneed time to to settle and think calmly.

 

First... Hopefully you are calmer today. You cannot make wise choices unless you are calm and thinking with an open mind.

Second... You need to find a gay friendly councillor. They will help you understand all the aspects of the issues troubling you.

Looking at suicide as an option is a sign you have very little understanding of the issues. Most LGBT people are in the same place initially. There are no healthy societal role models for us to learn from. Healthy heterosexual role models are EVERYWHERE 24/7 in the media and day to day real life. The LGBT population works alone with limited information and initially can make bad choices based on limited data and experience.

In your situation the information is so limited you view killing yourself as an option. This only indicates you need more information. Speaking to a gay friendly councillor will get you the information you desperately need.

Working this out is not the end of your life, it is the beginning of your life.

Be calm, settle yourself and start seeking the help you need to figure this out rationally and calmly. Once you have more information and understanding solutions will become obvious.

Give yourself a break and admit there are things you need to learn about yourself and seek answers. Get information from experts.

Knowledge is power.

 

I don't know if you are gay or not... But if you say you love this girl, then why do you say you think you are gay? Maybe you just like some gay things, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're gay. Try a counselor to help you with your decisions.

 

Hi germanion... are you ok? Please give yourself time. The guys here have given prudent advice.

 

Hi,

You are twenty something, testosterone at peak levels, you can most likely get an erection in an ice cold mountain stream. That passes with age.

That is when background emotions come out to play in "Erection Park" and trash the place.

Don't use an erection as indicator of anything.

I am 100% gay and it took 13 years of marriage to a woman before erection failed. Erection with men is the same as age 18 and has not flagged a bit.

Choose your indicators wisely.

 

It may seem that way now, but shouldn't you be studying and working hard for yourself rather than doing it for someone else? Shape one's life to please another does not look right does it? I say you be honest with yourself and others and truth might come to you.