How do you know the difference between low libido and lack of attraction? I have come out as bi to my boyfriend of one year and many other friends but I don't think I am physically attracted to my boyfriend. We don't have sex anymore. I have never really enjoyed sex and have sometimes thought of women during it to make it more enjoyable. And sometimes I have this little voice that says "I'm so gay for women!" but then I get scared and think "what if that's not true? I'll look so stupid!" Yes, I have slept with a girl once with the permission of my boyfriend. It actually happened a 2nd time with the same girl and I never told him about it. I know that is inexcusable. I also find myself wishing lesbians would notice me. I'm having a serious identity crisis and I have nobody to talk to. I'm moving in with my boyfriend next year and I feel like I've made a mistake.
Well as you probably know, low libido could be a chemical or physical issue while lack of attention is typically more emotional or social. What I would suggest is next time you feel this way, search yourself. When this occurs do you feel anxiety or depression or something emotional? Is there any physical aversion to becoming intimate? That may be the start of helping to weed out where this might be coming from. If you are ok with answering, may I ask if you've ever taken a look at this from an internal view? Foxface
When he leans in for a kiss I back away, when he wants to stop and hug me I put it off for a few moments, and when says sweet things to me I feel awkward. When these things happen I feel more conflicted than sad or depressed. I think I might actually feel guilty. I'm not sure if this is because I feel like we're drifting apart or because I'm gay. And being gay is a terrifying thought for me. Sometimes I also wish he would take better care of himself. He has let himself go a little, but I am pretty sure I pretended to enjoy sex before he gained a little weight. But I think it also has to do with the fact that I don't climax from or care for penetrative sex, which my boyfriend sort of knows. I am 21 years old and I don't understand why I would have a low libido but I suppose everyone is different. I've been wanting to talk to a therapist about a lot of things but I am still under my parents' insurance.
Are there times when you feel like you would be up for sex with a female, but you don't want to be touched by your boyfriend? I thought that there was something wrong with my libido. My husband and I didn't have much sex for a while, but I always felt sexually frustrated. I realize now that it is because I am a lesbian and sex with a man just doesn't cut it. I thought about women a lot when we would have sex. A therapist would be a good idea if you can find a way to go. Maybe tell your parents you'd like to talk to a therapist about figuring out if moving in with your boyfriend is a good move. That way you don't have to come out to them, but you also get to go talk to someone.
I, too, mostly thought of men when having sex with my wife. We also had very little sex, and now that I am out, and moved out, life is better for us both. It wasn't easy, but it was right. If you are having these reservations now, they will only get stronger. You are 21 years old. Don't wait until you are 50 to figure it out. Be honest with yourself, and then you can be honest with others. The longer it goes the more difficult it will be (but it is likely inevitable).
