I'm sure so many have been there. Just being totally infatuated with a best friend. I think about her nearly every minute of the day. Is she gay? Doubtful. Although we've never talked about it. She's in the process of divorcing her husband. When I'm with her, I feel whole. We are close, hugging, kissing cheeks, etc etc.... but I'm quite sure she doesn't have the feelings I do. We finish each other's thoughts. We are SO connected. We will think the same thing at the same very moment. I just wish we thought the same about this. My thoughts about women also are not talked about, I have only mentioned it here. Nowhere, or nobody else. I don't know why I do this to myself. Fall for a straight person. I would never, could never, tell her. In a perfect world though, she'd feel the same way about me. Ugh. I was drawn to her years ago when I first saw her. So much that I really avoided her if I could....but she reeled me in and we became friends. I love her and she knows it. But I know in my heart I am IN love with her. And my God it hurts....
I have a similar situation (see my post on my big crush on a straight friend) and feel your pain and frustration. If live was easy, and physics was the only game in town, one force (love from you) would generate a equally strong reverse force (love from your friend) [ok, I'm distorting action-reaction laws a bit here; call it poetic freedom:icon_wink], but humans are complex beings. I hope to learn from others who have gone through this (there are likely many) and perhaps we both can take some guidance from that. The pain will be there for a while, I know that. Some say, that builds character. I say, you know where you can go with that "character" :icon_wink Take care and try to maintain the friendship even if it can't go further. True friends are not easy to come by (*hug*)
I can't even imagine! That stinks. Have you considered coming out to her? You're probably right about her being straight, but you also don't want to spend your life thinking...what if? I have a crush on someone who works at my son's school. Just a little crush. I very much doubt that she is gay. She wanted to hang out and I said yes and then never let it happen. I know I'd end up totally infatuated.
Thank you both for your replies. Merlin, you are so wise.... I have not considered coming out to her, I've barely come out to myself yet, I just know a horrible crush when I feel one. I don't want to ruin what we have, and I'm just afraid saying something would ruin it. I wish I could control my feelings better....I wish I didn't love her QUITE so much. Because it hurts. And it's such a lonely feeling. But, I don't want to lose what we have now, she is my best friend. We are also currently roommates, I should add. ---------- Post added 19th Jun 2013 at 03:23 PM ---------- And Merlin, I will look for your post...
Hmm.. quite the predicament. I think you should figure out your own personal situation before you handle this. I had a friend that I became heavily attracted to, but after I came out I realized that I could openly achieve a level of intimacy with other people as well, and I lost those feelings of infatuation. We remain best friends to this day. I'm glad I never acted on it, because it would have put a real dent in the relationship. If you come out as lesbian/bi/whatever you figure out, I'm sure your friend would be supportive. But know that what you're feeling right now will probably be a temporary thing. It's all about those baby steps And if she is thinking the same way too, you will be confident enough to act on those feelings when you are out to her! (But it's best to not count on that) Good luck!
I have no advice that hasn't been shared already, but wanted to say good luck with whatever you decide, this is tough and we all go through it!
