I am 24 years old and have recently accepted the fact that I am gay. Nobody in my life knows this yet and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to tell them. That's part of the reason I'm here, I feel that I have to tell someone. I come from a deeply religious family and I am uncertain as to the reactions that I would receive from them. As far as friends go, there are a few that I will tell eventually, but not yet, I'm not ready. I'm active in my church and I'm not sure how coming out would affect my standing there. I enjoy the work I do there and don't want to risk losing my position. Some of you may have had similar situations, how did you get through it? I feel like I'm in a hole that I can't get out of. Fortunately, I've found something to get ahold of in EC so I can start climbing out of the hole. Peace Nameless1
Hi. Welcome to the family. Question for you. What type of church do you go to? Denomination? I am pretty sure my mother will want to try an exorcism on me when I come out, so I totally know where you're coming from. Maybe I can give you some advice.
Is your church real progressive? Is the congregation made up of lots of younger people or older? Have LGBTQ issues come up in the past?
A friend of mine that is out and open attends regularly, but he isn't a part of any of the ministry teams there. Beyond that, I really don't know. As far as the general age, some are young and some are old. There is a fairly decent mix.
If you come out as gay, they will probably want you to commit to celibacy. I know that some churches feel like that is acceptable. What you really have to decide is, is this a good place for you to be. I was a worship pastor and worked with the youth group. No one knows I am gay, but I ended up leaving because they were giving me a difficult time for supporting gay marriage. I am not saying you need to leave the church now or that you need to decide now, but it is something you have to consider. There are some big court decisions happening this month for the LGBTQ community. Any day we could hear about decisions that will impact all of us. I suggest keeping your ears open and considering starting a conversation. And listen to what people say. Family is trickier. Bring up some LGBTQ issues at home as well. You're going to have to go with what is right for you. (on both decisions) With a little recon, you can start feeling out the atmosphere in both situations.
You may have to not only leave the church, but leave the city you are in depending on how bad it could be. But you could find a new church, new city, and additional friends. The tried and true way of coming out with least amount of friction is to move away. I was out to many people at work, but not all my friends, and none of my family. I packed up and moved to LA, and made new friends who mostly all knew. I did not come out, I just refused to tell any lies. I acted like everyone already knows, so no need to reveal. I think it is easy to relocate if one is under the age of 30, or very well off. I'm glad I did it at age 24.
